Guild Wars

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Guild Wars.

“I enjoy playing the Lumberjack because it allows me to wield nunchucks.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lumberjacks in Guild Wars

“As long as I control this OBELISK, it will strike any foe who venture near.”

~ Mage on Why OBELISKs are Crucial to Survival.
The original cover art of Guild Wars, before being replaced by a Mime.

Guild Wars (2005-2007), often known simply as Build Wars, is a computer graphic video game adventure disk available in very tightly packed and even more tightly packed versions. Guild Wars was a massive hit, especially among the elderly, the pregnant, and those who may become pregnant, and went on to sell millions of copies, due to the lack of any Monthly Costs.

Guild Wars added many new features never before seen in a computer game, including: weapons, swords, fighting, and Scantily-Clad Females.

Gameplay[edit]

Actual in-game gameplay. Note the health bars and gritty, urban atmosphere.

Guild War's gameplay revolves around the player's natural instict to reach level 20 and thus, become King of the Universe. Players use a variety of weapons, skills, and sexual innuendos to gain experience points to reach the magic number. Quests, another form of the experience-point delivery system, commonly involve killing a number of creatures, gathering a certain number of resources, finding a difficult to locate object, or delivering an item from one place to another. Another lifelong goal of a player is to amass large amounts of money

When creating a character in Guild Wars, a player has many profesions at their disposal.

Ranger[edit]

The Ranger uses ranged weapons, resulting in a far greater range than any a enemy could muster. Rangers use their large range to out maneuver their enemies and uses their ranged weapons on them as often as possible. This is also the only class that requires you to be gay.

Monk[edit]

Monks are the barbers of the Guild Wars universe, as is evident based on their (lack of) hairstyle. Skilled masters of the razor-blade, these mightly warrior are feared throughout the land. Most players that play this playable class are extremely retarded.

An Elementalist in full body armor, ready to do battle.

Assassin[edit]

Assassins are a odd group in Guild Wars, and are generally shunned by the player base due their lack of damage-dealing skills. Players who choose the Assassin must resort to uttering unkind things and thinking nasty thoughts. when you see an assassin running at you to damage you, it should remind you of the annoying kid at school (you know, the squirrely guy) and you just want him to go away even though its not a big deal, resembling that all assassins are are a minor inconvienience that you can dispose of quickly.

Lumberjack[edit]

By far the most favored character option, the lumberjack deals massive damage in battle, and is the only profession that can wield nunchucks. Lumberjacks, due do their unbalanced nature, are the only profession still allowed in PvE (player vs. Environment).

Elementalist[edit]

Elementalists are the close-combat specialists in Guild Wars. While Lumberjacks use their extendo-arms to reach their enemies, elementalists charge into battle, often wearing heavy armor and unnecessarily large helmets. Elementalists are also healers in Guild Wars, due to either robustness and high amounts of adrenaline.

Development[edit]

The Guild Wars production team at work.

Guild Wars was developed by A PC Game Developer and was completed in 2005. Development took under 3 centuries, a remarkable time-frame which allowed A PC Game Developer to create Hype with greater ease. 14 State-of-the-Art Machines were used in the development process. It is rumor that A PC Game Developer actually paid programmers to do its bidding, but that rumor is unfounded. Guild Wars was likely developed the more-common voodoo and ninjas method of production, which is mostly random and yields varying results. Needless to say, the method must have worked, because Guild Wars was one of the most popular Internet-Enabled Playing Role PC Computer Game System Disks ever to be produced by A PC Game Company. A PC Game Developer also continues to develop in-game events that generally coincide with real events such as Christmas, Halloween, and the Apocalypse. These events feature mini-games, quests, and even free money. Guild wars support team is a bunch of emotionally deprived anti socials that like to behave like politics and ban people for fun. The team also likes pickles.

Reception[edit]

As noted before, Guild Wars was one of the most highly-regarded Internet-Enabled Avatar-Based Role-Playing Personal Calculations Machine Entertainment System Compilation Disks That Rules Nutsacs of all time.