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The wolves can take my gun if they can dodge the bullets.

“Do you feel lucky punk?”

~ Clint Eastwood on being almost the last man standing

“Let's Rock!!”

~ Sarah Palin on getting a laser sight for Christmas

“I've been using a gun like this since I was 8 years old. I'm more comfortable with it than I am with a bra”

~ Hannah Montana on gun ownership

“In Soviet Russia GUNS KILL PEOPLE!!!”

“...this is for the lutz”

~ Soldier differentiating a rifle from a gun

The modern gun or firearm or small penis substitute is a toy for people of all ages designed specifically for reverse extending the existence of any creature, plant, student of a high-profile liberal school, deer, turkey, your mom, duck, conservadumb or terrorist. Today's exponents are now marketing the gun to children as an essential fashion accessory, see; barbie, action man, hal.

There are many various types and styles of guns in this modern age: Starting small, a handgun such as the Glock 18 is used in bank robberies by terrorists and other various poor guys. Going up to medium size, a .50 cal fully automatic for murdering deer. Larger weapons are normally reserved for ornamental decoration. The gun's reason remains unknown. It is also known that pointing a loading pistol and your own head and firing is not a good idea, unless you are a hunter.

Guns (God's Gift)[edit]

This picture is apparently telling Liberals to back off the 2nd amendment.

The pistol is an invention created by several people with very small penises as an ego extension, to increase the perceived size of the wielders organ. The pistol functions similarly to a penis, that when held correctly and pressure is exerted in the correct area, the pistol shoots its load everywhere. The pistol fires small metal devices called sperm, intended to hit other things in order to produce a tickling sensation, resulting in unconditional surrender by the thing you hit. The process of firing a pistol is said to be greatly pleasing, much like masturbating. Several sports have been invented around the act of firing a pistol, such as drive-bys, euthanization, suicide, war and Russian Roulette.

Guns are generally regarded as dangerous devices and people believe if they are not wielded correctly, can cause serious harm to you and others. This is false, since guns have caused the least deaths of any weapon since their invention in 1969. There are also people who wish to ban guns, generally these people are known as common senseicans, or anti-America. Unfortunately, the people that think this way don't realize the gun was invented for the enjoyment of the wielder, so any harm caused should be pardoned by those injured. Amendment 382 to the Constitution states this fact clearly.

Unfortunately, firearms have been rendered obsolete after the technology boom of recent years, especially because of the development of the lightsaber and research into Force usage. Leading scientists stated, "We need an elegant weapon for a more civilized age." While many people still own guns, they are seen as the equivalent of a slingshot.

Because of the overwhelming amount of leftover and useless guns, many world leaders have developed ways to turn guns into food for third world countries. This has effectively ended any starvation, and third world countries are ranking above the United States in obesity rates.

Gun Culture[edit]

Get them while you can before the morons buy up the rest of them!(New Walmart slogan)

Guns are grown from a bacterial culture in a petri dish. they are also grown from the ground and harvested, just like potatoes.(If you do not complete the gun-growing process correctly it will cause a huge nuclear a splosion.) Different types of guns are grown in different ways, but that was quite dull so I didn't research it. Please have the courtesy to not notice the poor quality of this section. It really is pointless. The gun culture is now and always has been to shoot that guy at the office who has been on your case about that damn report you didn't hand in hence you use the gun to teach him a lesson. If the Indians had more guns Americans would be wearing much less clothing, and Buffalo Wings would be even MORE popular...


Much fun can be had with/by children and guns. Diners should be aware that although all care will have been taken to remove lead shot/bullets, some may remain; see HowTo: Cook Children. Children can often make good value gun operatives, particularly in the pursuit of nefarious activities such as bank robbery, raping, stalking and hostaging. Most children can receive their guns in one of the many toys for gun campaigns. If there are any questions concerning guns please call 510-846-1614.

Guns in the Uknighted Kingdom[edit]

It is a requirement of those who wish to possess guns or firearms in the UK to have a 'lie sense'. This means that one should not tell the police their true reason for needing to possess a gun (personal defense from witches, warlocks, werewolves, your mom, grues, etc) but rather fabricate by virtue of one's imagination a fictitious and wholly unbelievable desire to stalk old dears. United Kingdom realizes guns as dangerous cuppas.

The United Kingdom classifies weapons according to a scale of Pwnworthiness. Therefore a Section 2 firearm is less Pwnworty than a S.1 and more pwnworty than a S.5. The recommended entry level gun for noobs is a S.5.

Police in the UK are only entitled to carry firearms once they have attained the age of legal majority.

Gun Types[edit]

Gifts from the Black Santa.
Don't forget to check out Ammu-Nation for all your shopping needs!
Be careful. That's the dangerous end. A helpful reminder for the average American.

See also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Handgun.jpg Firearms
Handgun | Machine gun | Staple gun | Kidney Stone Gun | Raygun | AK-47 | AKM | M16 | Bananas | Anti aircraft gun | Rifle
Fist with index finger and thumb extended | Guns 'n Roses
Firearms that don't exist, but should