Győzike

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Győző "Győzike" Gáspár is a singer, reality TV star, public nuisance, wildlife conservationist, gypo, erotic model, botched abortion and politician from Hungary. In his quest for the perfect material for home furnishings and apparel he single-handedly caused the extinction of the African Zebra in late 2004.

Playgirl Centerfold (Hungarian edition) of February 1999

Childhood[edit]

Győzike was born into a wealthy family of Gypsy Kings in Bucharest, Hungary in 1924. His father is Zorro Elvis Gáspár, a successful con artist, wine and sausage producer. His mother Eszmerelda reads tarot cards at a ladies' hair salon in Budapest. At the age of 4 Győzike smoked his first cigarette and stole his first purse. He impregnated a woman for the first time at age 12.

Formative Years[edit]

At the age of 15 he began receiving welfare payments from the Hungarian government, which he immediately spent on palinka, designer shoes, and going to the disco. But it became clear the traditional gypsy man's way of life wasn't for him, as all he wanted to do was be a music and TV star. His father put Győzike through the prestigious Juliard School of Music. Taught how to sing by violinist Itzhak Perlman, he graduated with top honors in 1968.

Professional Career[edit]

As Playgirl Centerfold[edit]

Győzike Gáspár has long been considered by sociologists to be the sexiest gypsy man ever. Confirmation of this came in 1999 when he was selected as Mr. February in the Hungarian version of Playgirl Magazine. The spicy photo showing Győzike covering his big swarthy manboobs shocked Hungarian society, which is unaccustomed to displays of nudity.

Music and Television Appearances[edit]

Győzike's music consists of him talking, shouting and pretending to be sexy. His band, Romantic, has won 10 Grammy Awards for their albums of traditional gypsy pub songs. In 1999 Győzike began showing up on TV in Hungary. Győzike was promoted as a "good influence" on gypsy children, as he has never killed anyone and rarely steals anymore. He was given his own reality series on RTLKlub called Győzike, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalistic program in which he interviews politicians, philosophers and influencial business people. He has hosted the Hungarian Oszkár Awards 27 times.

Wildlife Conservation[edit]

28 zebras were killed in the making of Győzike's sofa

Győzike believes zebras are a danger to the ecosystem of earth, which is why he has spent decades killing them and turning their skins into clothing and furniture. Zebras eat a unique form of moss, called Kate Moss, which acts as the Rhodesian Albino Fire Ant's only defense against sun exposure. Were Kate Moss to go extinct, the entire planet would collapse into itself. In 1993 the World Wildlife Foundation granted him their Conservationist of the Decade award in a special internationally televised ceremony, in recognition for his dedication to saving the world from ecological destruction.

Political Career[edit]

In the early 2000's Gáspár became interested in politics, running on the Maoist Guerilla ticket to become Budapest's first gypsy mayor. He promptly abolished all laws against shoplifting, public urination and pickpocketing. He accidently destroyed both the city's public toilets in a military exercise. He was thrown out of office for farting in early 2006.