H.G. Wells

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H.G. Wells, or Higher Gravity Wells to give them their full name, are a rare feature of the Icelandic coastland, noted for the extremely Heavy Water that they contain.

The subject of fierce fighting during the second world war, as both the Nazis and the Western powers were competing to create the first nuclear weapons, there are not many of the wells left today, but if you've got a strong arm and an inquisitive nature they are well worth seeking out.

H. G. Wells is also the inventor of the lightsaber, which he invented by accident when he accidently combined baking soda, water, and food coloring in the reverse order.

Early Days[edit]

H.G. Wells was a young athlete who excelled great in his records, but then decided that he liked scholarly persuites better. So he instructed them to give him repeated punches to the groin until he had a revelation and decided to write science fiction. And play with light sabers some more, until George Lucas poked him in the eye and stole it from him. Shortly there after he went on a "vision quest". As such he began to study in prestigious academies once again, such as the Jedi Academy (in 20 BBY) and the Russian Academy of Sciences (in 1790).

Time Traveling Days[edit]

It is a fairly well-known fact that H. G. Wells spent a great deal of his life traveling throught time. On several occasions he helped Superman and Lois Lane against their foe Tempus Fugitive.

Fabian[edit]

An idealistic H.G. Wells joined the Fabian society because, well, it just sounds cool. The Fabian society were a group of Socialists who relied on Byzantine subterfuge and subtle manipulation to bring about revolution (as opposed to Marxism, which simply wants to rock the boat and shake all night long).

It can be seen that allot of Wells' beliefs where socialist, given the fact that he shunned various forms of materialism, such as wearing too much clothing. Which is why he was always seen with very little clothing and / or just boxers...with Darth Vader on them.

Author[edit]

Wells was ahead of his time, authoring numerous titulating erotic thrillers on the cutting edge of taste, exploring areas of human sensuality considered forbidden in the prevailing Victorian Society (for instance, Wells included numerous references to underwear, which he had to substitute with words like kleindung and other German phrases less he sentenced to hanging). He also allegedly contributed in an early stage to the satyrical pamphlet The Future Fire, although this may never have happened.

Many of these stories also contained science fiction elements, which some leading world famouse economists and politicians claim are rather thinly veiled metaphors encoding plans for the Fabian society to use the creation of the welfare state. Many of these titles were:

Da Invisable Man[edit]

Wells' gonzo article about his vouyeristic adventures peeping into windows on weeknights some risque stuff until he got bored or something. Critics have described this as enthralling and throught-catching as a pre-21st century Conan O'Brien monologue, though this was generally considered herecy at the time...

Da Island of Doctor Morreuough[edit]

Wells writing about a mad scientist turned brothel owner who specializes in bestiality, and seeks to create the ultimate fox (co-written by Aleister Crowley).

Da Time Machine[edit]

Wells travles the year 1984 to kidnap some Oceanian kids and sell them into slavery. Afterwards all the slave kids worshiped the “Mighty One” of legend (Darth Vader), whilst killing the evil Penguins still wishing of a cold war against the Seagulls of old. Later in the story he teams up with Doc Brown and Marty McFly to defeat the tyrannical Big Brother and his Morlock army once and for all.

Things to Cum[edit]

Pehapse his most explicit novel, not merely in it's pruriant details but also it's blueprint for creating the ultimate Hegelian Synthesis. In this story, a man named Humas holds fantastic sex parties for all of London until jeallousy ensues amongst the members, turning the party into a bloodbath out of which comes a society of pimps high-charging who are then defeated by a gagle of rogue hippy gliding entheusiasts called "Wings for a Piece [of Tail]" who reintroduce truly free love and mega-taxes, thus everyone lives happily ever after, the end.

Germans on an Airship[edit]

Some critics consider this novel the inspiration for the Snakes on a Plane movie. Their suspicions are considered nonsense, but the book is still banned in Germany due to the alleged german/snake allusion.

See also[edit]