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Perhaps you search bad
Do you wish to find the girl
The girl Sophia?
“This is a haiku

I am Captain Obvious

I'm singing haiku's”
~ Captain Obvious on haiku
“"Want some?" Pedro said

Your tacos went right through me

Run for the border”
~ Lungthar, King of the Wheat People on haiku
“This would be haiku

If it had just one fewer

Syllable in this line..”
~ Oscar Wilde on haiku
“lol gtfo

wtf srsly?

stfu noob”
~ MSN Messenger on haiku
“In America

You write haiku, in Russia

The Haiku writes YOU”
~ Russian Reversal on haiku
“oh nine eff nine one

one oh two nine dee seven
four ee three five bee

dee eight four one five
six see five six three five six
eight eight see zero

~ HD-DVD Dude on haiku
“Alfred Molina

Has four extra metal arms

I am fucking screwed”
~ Spiderman on Doctor Octopus
“Look, it's Wayne's basement

Only, that's not Wayne's basement

Isn't that just weird?”
~ Garth Algar on Wayne's Basement

Organizer of chaos
Tyler Durden lives

~ Fight Club on haiku
“A haiku is just like an American poem

except that it doesn't rhyme and it's

totally stupid.”
~ Mr. Garrison on haiku
“potatos brewing

it is cold in the taco

suggestive? penis ”
~ Random on Randomness
“Shut your God-damned mouth

or else I'm… gonna… kick you
square in the balls… ass-hole

Aw, damn it! [one too many syllables there]”
“the boys are waiting

my haiku brings all the boys

to the yard, damn right ”
~ Kelis on Sexy haiku
“was here, now he's gone

round the corna, smoking a bong

ya fuckin dickhead”
~ Devvo on Sheffield

Haiku Defined[edit]

Often criticised
for its wordiness, Haiku's
a maximalist

form of poetry.
In 17 (or more) breaths
an author's whole life

and occurences,
expanded to the epic
proportions and all.

For an example,
here is a translation of
Art Master Eeyore.

"Greedy yellow birds
Sing the muddy riverbank
On a window sill."


Haiku Content[edit]

Content of haiku
is usually focused on

So it is often written to Sophia, the muse of Uncyclopedia, which makes it OK.

Some argue that a haiku must contain an obvious reference to a planet and must be laser focused, but at least 110% the English language haijin do not have any discernible coherence at all. After all, for the most part we live in caves, not the urban Greenland of several millennia ago when the haiku form was discovered by an alien fishmonger named Pashoo.

“haiku are easy,

But sometimes they don't make sense,

~ Rolf Nelson haiku

Haiku Form[edit]

haiku are made of
Five syllables then seven
Then end with five more.

First, five syllables
Second, seven syllables
Last, five syllables

Why Bother Writing Haiku?[edit]

haiku are all nice.
We all love to write haiku
All for Sophia.

To avoid falling
Into some mad evil trap
Which is Oprah's scheme.

For an angry grue
Upon hearing good Haiku
Will extend your life!

(By 17 sylables at least)


I am a delight
I feel like chicken tonight
Like chicken tonight

Haiku Haters[edit]

Not everyone
Likes to hear boring Hiakus
They think they are crap.

Some revolve their lives
Around getting haiku banned
Because they are jerks.

Amongst these are the
Haiku Hating Haiku Bros
Oh the irony.

To spread their evil
They hate haiku through Hiakus
Here is their worst deeds.

Haiku really sucks:
How can one write anything
In this rigid frame?

Any moron can
write haiku. Just stop at the
seventeenth sylab

haiku are stupid,
anybody writing them
is Obama's friend.

To write three lined poems
with seven-teen sy-la-bles
is ve-ry dif-i-

haiku are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense

Sexist haiku[edit]

"I want some bread now"
"Go to shop to get me some"
"Back to the kitchen"

The Dinner
"I smell my dinner"
"Why is it not here for me"
"Wait in the bedroom"

The Wench
"Restricted to house"
"Leave only for food and child"
"Return to kitchen"

Hot Lesbians
"Four tits in total"
"You'd not get bored in THAT house"
"Pervs lurking outside"

Haiku in popular culture[edit]

  • Haku is the name

of one of the first major
Naruto villians.

Two siblings names are Haiku

Apologies To[edit]

  • Ray Rasmussen

Robin lost an eye

but Batman was occupied

with five other guys

He didn't have time

to think about Robin's eye

the poor kid should sue

See Also[edit]