Hand waving

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Look at this douchebag waving his hand. He just wants to fight, doesn't he?

Hand Waving is the oldest insult ever, as historians have found examples of this type of gesticulation in cave paintings in France depicting hand waving as early as 7000 BC. It can be equated to the equivalent of a bitch slap. Psychologists still dispute why exactly the hand wave is deemed so offensive, and continue to study the hand wave to this day. While the exact meaning of the hand wave is disputed, it is generally taken to mean one of the following meanings.

  • "You wanna fight, bitch?"
  • "You lose! Good day sir!"
  • "I fucked your wife."
  • "I kill you so hard you die!"
  • "I'll cut you, bitch!"
  • "Want some cheesecake? Well come here so I can fucking beat you!"

In fact, many wars have been started by some variant of the hand wave, such as World War 1, the Civil War, and the Winter War.

Variants of the Hand Wave[edit]

Back and forth[edit]

The waver raises his hand to at least chest level, and shakes hand back and forth at a reasonable speed. Also known as the "half-assed" hand wave.

Behind the Back[edit]

The waver pulls his hand behind his back so it appears to be sticking out from the shoulderblades, and then proceeds with a back and forth. This technique can also be applied to be used as a stealth hand wave on a person standing behind the waver.

Full Arm Wave[edit]

The waver performs a back and forth, but with his upper arm, or with his arm, if the waver so desires. This is considered the most insulting hand wave, as the waver is expounding the most energy toward the gesture.

Backhand[edit]

This is the only hand wave deemed complimentary. The waver raises their hand to belly level, back of the hand facing the recipient, curls the fingers slightly, and waves up and down or left and right. Suitable for retards.