Handjob

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Handjobs are Nature's way of saying congratulations for having a penis. It is customary for the Spirit of Nature to possess the body of a mortal (be it male, female, or red-assed baboon) and, if you've been good, digitally oscillate your wang until climax.

Some claim this offends a Jesus who believes that your rod is a magical, baby-making wand and that your "magic" should only be spread like chunky peanut butter on the fertile soil of a woman's vagina (mixingly metaphorically speaking). The minor detail that Jesus himself was childfree[1] may be conveniently ignored.

Satan and Walt Disney, however, tolerate handjobs, so you know, it's your prick's funeral.

References[edit]

  1. ^  According to The Da Vinci code, Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a daughter named Sarah.

See Also[edit]

Semen

For the sexually repressed[edit]