Happy Meal

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Happy Meal is a term to used to describe hyperactive food which is created (or marketed, if distributed by fast food chains) for children with the sole purpose of making parents fucking ballistic. The term originated in mental homes, but has gained popularity within the food industry.


At first glance, keeping a meal happy isn't as easy as it sounds. However, McDonalds realized early on that happy ingredients make for happy meals. So how does McDonalds go about keeping its Happy Meals happy? Extensive board meetings consisting of McDonalds executives, stock owners, and farmers determined that Happy Meals are at their happiest when they share their box with a good toy, not one of those cheap pieces of shit that parents are forced to open with car lighters or gritted teeth. Maybe one of these days they'll actually listen to their market research.

Another factor contributing to happy meal executives' happiness is the fact that a chicken's last minute adrenaline rush prior to being boiled alive infiltrates the chicken nuggets and stimulates an addictive fight or flight response in children (also known as ADD) which causes the hyper little brats to burn off 150 calories a second. As a result, the demand for Happy Meals increases a hundred fold which makes many people happy from the corporate executives to the corporate CEO.

Keeping beef cows happy is a simple matter of killing them immediately upon weaning (which explains the .120 pound happy meal patty) and leading them to slaughter backwards.

New research reveals that Happy meals make adults grumpy and kids sad. But yet another product is crack fries. Wonder why your fries are soggy? Well, the crack got wet and the paint seeped in. And the drinks? Flavored beer. Some Happy Meals on the market are considered depressants, such as those containing fruit or vegetables, but can be used as precursors of other potentially hyperactive meals, for example, the cheeseburger Happy Meal which could be eaten without ketchup for a milder sedatory effect prior to drinking a chocolate shake.

Safety and law[edit]

Little if any research has been done on the toxicology or pharmacology of most of these meals, but it is widely believed that adults who were fed Happy Meals as children grow up to be happy adults with happy children who also eat Happy meals. Few, if any, human or animal studies have been done on this topic, but most people who grew up on meals like Arby's combo #7 or Burger King's combo #3 are generally ill-tempered assholes with heart problems.

MacDonalds has announced, that after recent publicity problems with their Happy Meals, the name shall be now UnHappy Meal ™ McDonalds have revealed they think David Dickinson is a grumpy old man who acts jolly just for rubbish publicity, we are now considering using Robbie Williams as our mascot. Tony Blair's brain will now make up 20% of your chicken nugget order.

A recent controversial study finds that 102.76% of Right and Left wing guerillas find Happy Meals to be an implement of Satan.

Another recent study by Charlton Heston found that HAPPY MEALS ARE MADE OF PEOPLE!!! THEY'RE ALSO MADE OF JAPANESE PEOPLE!!! In a never-adequately-explained conclusion, the study described this fact as an actual health benefit of Happy Meals. It's also rumored that Jinty from Thomas the tank Got "Happy" after accidentally eating a Happy Meal.

Demonstrational video[edit]