What is Hardware?
Hardware is commonly misinterpreted as Hard Wear which typically occurs during in the late lonely hours, or during any time while watching any show on Univision. Hardware is the crystallization of several 1's and 0's that have been harvested off of Binary Trees. They are often difficult to find, hence hardware is always in short supply. Afterbeing picked off the Binary Tree, the raw digits are then subjected to a process called "Making all those 1's and 0's into hard crunchy stuff through a very complex process" or MAT1A0IHCSTAVCP as the professionals refer to it. This process will be outlined later on.
The final product is a working Piece of Shit that is has no other equal in robustness and reliabilty. Hardware is often handed down through family generations and rarely wears from fatigue. Hardware is alone in its seemly magical universal usabilty and strength against the test of time. Hardware is worshipped in some circles, but rarly in squares or other finite geometry.
How Does Hardware Work?
Hardware inserts into common wall jacks and seep in electrons that are constantly stirred by the Ether that surrounds us all. With these electrons, the Hardware hums and whirs with most spectacular and soothing scratchings. It has often been compared to the soft song of some bird I don't know the name of and a car axel scraping pavement unexpectedly at 75 miles an hour when the rear right falls off because that idiot son of yours can't even use a fucking tire iron.
After the ware has hardened, the electrons are then served over a roasting sacrificial corpse. After the feast has been completed, The police arrive on the scene just to realize that it's too late. They are then attacked unexpectedly from behind, bound with barbed wire, and stored in either a large transparent conatiner, or in several small zip lock bags to be prepared for the next feast of the hardware.