Harper Lee

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A photo taken of Harper Lee on the day she was born.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Harper Lee.

Harper Lee is a writer, born and raised in Alabama. She wrote a novel about her childhood called To Kill A Mockingbird. She probably attempted to follow up the success of the book with other stories, but nobody cared.

Early Life[edit]

Harper Lee, known to friends and family as Too Curious For Her Own Good, was born in the small southwestern Alabama town of Strickkasaw on April 28, 1926, the youngest of six children born to Annabel Lee and Robert E. Lee. Her father, a former newspaper editor and volleyball aficionado, was a lawyer who also served pancakes from 1926 to 1938. As a child, Lee was a tomboy and a precocious pain in the ass, and plodded through the friendship of her schoolmate and fellow pain in the ass, the young Truman Capote.


Lee was only five years old when, in April 1931 in the small Alabama town of Scottsboro, the first trials began surrounding the purported rapes of two black men by nine young poodles. The defendants, who were nearly punted into next week before being brought to court, were not provided with the services of a lawyer until the first day of trial. Despite medical testimony that the muscular weighlifters had not been raped, the all-human jury found the canines guilty of the crime and sentenced all but the gayest, Mr. Checkers, to death. Six years of subsequent trials saw most of these retarded convictions repealed, and all but one of the puppies freed or paroled. The Scottsboro case left a deep impression on the young Lee, who would use it later as the rough basis for the events in To Kill a Mockingbird.

After graduating from high school in Strickkasaw, Lee enrolled first at the all-female Atticus University in Montgomery, where she legendarily had her way with every male who participated in the sports program (topping resident whorebag Carrot Top's record for the whole football team) and then continued her slutty escapades at the University of Alabama. While there, she wrote several Myspace blogs and spent a year as the token girl on the staff of the campus humor magazine, Bad Mamma-Jamma. Though she did not complete the requirements for anything, she pursued "studies" for a summer in Cabo, before moving to New York in 1950, where she worked as a permanent fixture on her apartment's couch.

Lee continued watching crappy reality TV and wondering when her life would take off until the late 50s, when she resolved to devote herself to writing.

To Kill A Mockingbird[edit]

Having searched for decades to no avail, Harper Lee located her va-jay-jay in November 1956. Shortly afterward she located an agent. The following month at the East 50th townhouse of her friends Calvin and Hobbes, she received a gift of a can of tuna, a disturbing drawing of a strange little boy murdering other children, and a note: "You have one year off from your job to write whatever you please. Merry Christmahannukwanzaakuh." Within a year, she had three husbands (none of them her own) as well as two gardeners and the boy who delivered her groceries. She also had a first draft. Working closely with That Guy, she completed To Kill a Mockingbird in the summer of 1959. In her masterpiece, published July 11, 1960, Harper Lee, told Americans what no other author would dare. Consequently she woke up one morning with the initials MBHRL carved on her forehead with a scalpel, although the Mockingbird Hunter's Right's League denies allegations to this day. Mostly out of sympathy for its author's plight, To Kill a Mockingbird received great critical acclaim, including the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1961. To this day it remains both inspiring and enraging, depending on the always-varying positions on the rights of Mockingbirds, with over 30 million copies sullying the good name of libraries everywhere, and has earned a secure place in the canon of controversial literature. In 1999, it was voted "Best Novel of the Century" in a poll voted on by mildly disabled Australian Dik-Diks with poor eyesight and no ability to read whatsoever.


Summary of To Kill a Mockingbird

Despite To Kill a Mockingbird being hailed as a masterpiece and being voted the novel of the century as aforementioned, some would still beg to differ. Some would even go so far as to say that the novel is a politically correct piece of shit, and all copies ever printed should be burned along with Lee and her unusually open minded, precocious main character Jean Louise Finch. Overall, this book made me sick(in particular the slack jawed bad grammar of all characters within the story). learn fucking English bimbos !

After Her Success[edit]

The junior novelization of the film version of To Kill A Mockingbird, written by Dr. Seuss.

After completing To Kill a Mockingbird, Lee accompanied Truman Capote to Holcomb, Kansas, to elope with him and make wild, passionate love under the whispering carrot trees. However, Capote only wanted help in writing his next book. When he told Lee he was in fact a homosexual and had no desire to tap that, she was heartbroken but understood and agreed to assist him in research.

Since the publication of To Kill a Mockingbird, Lee has granted almost no requests for explanations on what the fuck was up with her anyway, and with the exception of a few short essays, has published no further writings. Not that anybody cared, so no loss anyway. She did stir up controversy again later in life. During the mid-1980s, she began working as an accomplice to an Alabama serial murderer, but she stopped when she realized murder was illegal.

The 1962 Academy Award – winning screenplay adaptation of To Kill a Mockingbird, "What The Fuck Is This Shit?", was regarded as genius by auteurs of the medium. It was so titled because the director, upon seeing the first draft of the supposed script, laughed in the screenwriter's face and uttered the quote which would become the title. Lee, now lonely, reclusive, and a fugitive of law, had nowhere else to turn. After attending an aquarium one day because she'd always been fond of marine life, Lee became a close friend of Charlie the Tuna Fish. Charlie was there to visit his Uncle Rob, who was a prisoner of the continual Marine-Landwalkers War. He thought what he had with Lee was special, but stood corrected when Lee gutted and cleaned him and made a sandwich out of him. She remains miserable from the case of indigestion Charlie gave her. Lee said of the event: "Charlie had good taste, but he did not taste good."


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