Harry's Cum As You Are (Celebrity Sperm Bank Of The Stars)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Bmup smaller.jpg This aritcle needs proofreding!!!

If speeling, punktuation or grammar aren't your forté,
never fear help was on teh way?

Celebrity Loads 'R Us
Your #1 source for
Celebrity mix & match sperm!

Harry Muff & King Rodney began the franchise, "Harry's Cum As You Are" in 1993 after an idea they had when seeing the launch of Jellie-Bellies in Australia where you could just mix & match what flavors you wanted. Harry had the idea that if you could select what flavors you wanted to mix, then why couldn't you do the same thing with sperm for those who wanted to be artificially inseminated?

Celebrity Sperm Bank Of The Stars[edit]

Rodney had just finished an expozay of trying to help out his good friend Yana Vent and her husband Nick Narnah by helping them conceive a baby, and after a few weeks of Rodney helping them out and dumping a few hundred round's of cum-u-nition inside Yana's box jelly fish, Rodney failed to mention that he had had a vasectomy performed on himself 3 years prior to the engagement.

But it wasn't a complete waste of time, as Rodney's good friend, Harry Muff, who was a deep-sea diver, had just contemplated up a rather unique idea to take a bunch of celebrities sperms, mix them up a little with a high tech special way that had undergone many months of research to prepare the best way to combine the two sperms into the one genetically half modified, half added to, genetic sperm cell.

So once they got the two celebrities sperm cells and shook the shit out of them in a bottle together, they where ready to be injected up a ladies snatch-crackle & pop and 9 months later, a half & half would pop out of the carriers choice of celebrity mix & match styled baby.

The first successful combo of Arnold & Wayne Gardner, shown here in a picture of him taken in 2006

First Successful Combination[edit]

Nick & Yana Fuckin Narnah Vent made the very first choice of the Celebrity Sperm Bank of the Stars. Their choice was that of mixing up Arnold Schwarzenegger's sperm with Wayne Gardner... and have since the time, had a little boy who is now all grown up & looks like a muscly little cunt who can drive a motor bike real fast.

The Business Is a Hit[edit]

When new's broke out about Yana's successful insemination; every woman who wanted to have a frozen-pop combo was lining up around the block to get into the new celebrity sperm bank. Within the first 6 months, Rodney & Harry had over 67,000 clients, and over 11,000 celebrities donating sperm for them to be used.


Harry & Rodney Talk About the Success of the Business[edit]

Harry Muff: I think I always knew I'd probably end up doing something successful in the field of sperm. I remember when I was a kid I used to jerk off all the time, and this one time, I was up in a tree tuggin' myself off, when the neighbor came by! He yelled out to me, "Get down out of that ya little bastard. You shouldn't be up there tuggin' yourself off up in a tree, because every-time you tug yourself off, you waste good sperm that could have become a policeman or a Fireman, maybe even a doctor". At that moment I tugged myself right off, I said, "You're right, there goes an acrobat!".


King Rodney: I never really pictured myself as being a "sperm" salesman, I always wanted to be a Sunday School teacher myself. But I felt I owed Yana & her husband back for letting me have a little root with them every weekend for a month, and I forgot to tell 'em I had a vasectomy two years ago. So when Harry came to me and asked if I wanted to help invest some ...ummm... "deposits" to help get his idea for the business off the ground, I was more then happy to contribute what I could, and I have been doing so since it first opened.

Harry & Rodney's policy for the sale of the "celeb" sperm is, "First Cum, First Served"

Succesfull Combo's[edit]

Here are some of the succesfull celebrity sperm combination's that have been used over the years;

Result: An ugly little baby with the biggest cock you have ever seen.
Result: A poofter that could beat the shit out of you.
  • Millie-Vanillie & Bannarama's sperm.
Result: a Fuckin' smoothie.
Result: a big ear that can dance good.
Result: Cannibal that leaves a tip.
Result:A huge nose that in school is always saying, "pick me, pick me".

Not so Successful Choices;[edit]

Result: A baby that could hang off the ceiling by his lips.
Wasn't a very good choice to combine the sperm of Rolf and the fat guy from Lost
  • Memeber of the Hell's Angels mixed with a Jehovah Witnesss sperm;
Result: A kid that grows up, knocks on your door, and tells YOU to "fuck off".
  • Bannanrama & The Rockmellon's
Result: a fruit salad.
Result: a Garden.
Result: a complete bullshit-artist.
Result: a big fat-cunt with 3 legs.
Result:A streak of shit.


The combo of Freddy Mercury and Mike Tys.... wait a minute, is anyone else noticing something odd about the pics of these offspings?

Harry's Cum As You Are outlets can be found at Harry'sCumAsYouAre.com.org.au.uk.us.eu.jp.gr.cum


Donations of sperm is always welcome. Celebrity sperm is what the group mostly want to mix up, but any old Joe can send in their donations to be frozen and packaged for poofters TV dinners across the world.

See Also[edit]