Harry Potter Spells

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{} In the happy satanic world of the Harry Potter novels, many things can be accomplished using Spells. Conceived by Mistress Rowling many years ago, some of these spells have a basis in reality. Some parents may say that these are dangerous books in the hands of our youth, but these claims have been dismissed by most people. The books contain practical instructions on how and when to perform the spells, and usually a demonstration of their worth.

A[edit]

Powerful spell being casted by Dumbledore's brother, the great Pope Aberforth.

Abrupto[edit]

Description: This spell enables Harry to use Nigger words instead of Jew ones when casting spells.
Seen/Mentioned: When Harry was being attacked by trolls and could not remember the fucking name of a spell in 'Harry Potter and the Empty Toothpaste Tube', he casted this to increase the speed of his attacks. It's very dangerous cuz every phrase can be interpreted as a spell. This behavior can be reverted with the 'Control plus Zeth' spell.
Etymology: Ab - ('Please'), abrupto - ('fucking freaking'), no 'no more', latin - 'latin'.

Accio[edit]

Description: The spell Accio, which causes the targeted object to move towards the caster, was a useful and harmless spell.
Seen/Mentioned: M. Jackson uses it on Neville Longbottom at the climax of Harry Potter 、and the Unfortunat:Etymolo

Alacrancer[edit]

Description: Causes ttarget of the spell to develop painful and potentially terminal cancers throughout the body. The cancer then grows at a rate several orders of magnitude above normal. The result is usually painful death mere hours after being hit with this spell.
Seen/Mentioned: Ron Weasley uses this spell on his older brother, Percy, during the final confrontation in Harry Potter and the Half-Price Prince.
Etymology: From the English "cancer" and the Latin "alacritās," meaning high speed.

Alhambra Gefrunon[edit]

Description: The spell Alhambra Gefrunon is actually not a single spell, it's an uber powerful conglomeration of all the Harry Potter spells. Because every single spell sounds like the phrase "Alhambra Gefrunon", shouting that phrase while waving a pointy stick and wearing a silly robe and tie will cast every spell in the books. It actually works and really messes things up. Don't try it unless you like resetting the entire space-time continuum by hand; remember that space-time does not have a start menu and a restart button.
Seen/Mentioned: Most intelligent people know (or think they know) that Alhambra is a bottled water company. It is not.
Etymology: Most people do not know (but it's still true) that gefrunon is an Anglo-Saxon verb meaning "we have heard".

Allāhu Akbar![edit]

Description: Suicidal spell, causes caster and whatever he's riding to explode and kill everyone nearby. Similar to the (Insert Name)ikus Explodicus, except the caster is blowing off his or her head. Consider as the holiest spell by many wizards.
Seen/Mentioned: First mentioned in book 3, claims how caster will become hero by taking many innocent lives of infidels with this spell. It is revealed later that this spell is derived from "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" and is origin of "Avada Kedavra".
Etymology: "God is Great!".

Anus Incendio[edit]

Description: A mostly harmless but humiliating curse, Anus Incendio induces the intense sensation of burning in the anus. If not treatred quickly, it results in the anus catching fire.
Seen/Mentioned: Often cast by teachers on students as part of detention.
Etymology: From "anus" and "incendiary".

Avada Kedavra / Abracadabra / Abra Cadaver (The Killing Curse)[edit]

Description: Avada Kedavra is a widely used spell that causes the target to have multiple heart attacks within a period of 37 years. An alternate use of this spell was seen in the Half-Price Prince wherein Severus Snape used it on Molly Weasley, causing her to turn into Richard Simmons. "The Killing Curse" can also be used to initiate necrophilia. A common side effect of Avada Kedavra is internet memes. Casting this spell has been known to inundate the internet with hilarious yet deadly jokes.
Seen/Mentioned: Every Harry Potter book and movie, real life.
Etymology: It is distort version of "Allah Akbar".

B[edit]

Bakunetsu God Finger[edit]

Description: Also an efficient method of cooking delicious meats, it can be used as an awesome killmove. When ones feelings are hurt enough, and with enough angst, the caster can have his or her Fap Hand heat up to unfathomable temperatures. With the hand of its burning red, the target is lunged at, has his chest dug through with this extremely heated hand and held up while he is cooked from the inside.
Seen/Mentioned: Used by Harry Potter his well-known spinoff novel, "G-Potter" Also a favorite technique of cannibals.
Etymology: "Bakunetsu," the latin form of "George Foreman." and "God Finger," which is Harry's personal favorite method of getting himself off.

Banzai kamikazus[edit]

Description: Causes user to be enveloped in a blinding light, then asplodes,killing the caster and all that are near the caster. (Similar to Allahu Akbar, but is more powerful, and destroys the landscape around it as well).
Seen/Mentioned: The Japanese Ministry of Magic first discovered it on 230bc. No wonder it was so hard to beat the Japanese in WWII! (The Japanese used it to mass extent.)
Etymology: From the Moronic words "banzai" meaning "ima gonna" and "kamikazus" meaning "die and kill u all!"

Bankai[edit]

Description: When shouted at the top on ones lungs, this spell causes one's wand to grow and become impractically huge. Side-effects may be long drawn-out conversations with Bono look-alikes in dark trench coats.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry uses bankai in order to face down Ichigo (However Harry got totally ownd and was then anal probed by Kurotsuchi) in episode 69 after copyright litigation over the name "Hollow".
Etymology: From the Norwegian (not really) "ban" meaning "final" and "kai" meaning "destination". (If you actually give a damn, it means "Final Release")
A depiction of the spell, censored for some reason

Bukkake Totaltum[edit]

Description: One of the strangest spells known to Wizard kind. The target is completely and utterly covered in a white viscous substance that will quickly encrust and trap the subject. The reason or purpose for this spell is unknown. The spell is suspected to have been developed by dark wizards from Japan, as other spells like “Fondlus Tentaculm” and “Omni Hentai Internetus” The latter spell was half created by Al Gore created to enhance his new Muggle invention called “The Interweb”
Seen/Mentioned: Ron accidentally uses this spell on Lavender Brown in 6th year when trying to hit Draco Malfoy. Howeve Snape walked in on them when he used the spell and quickly ran from the room screaming “NOT AGAIN!” Apparently his dad had boundary issues…
Etymology: From the Japanese word "Bukkake" meaning "Cover with love" and "Totaltum" meaning "Everywhere".

C[edit]

CHOO[edit]

Description: An extraordinary blast of wind from the spellcaster that causes the unfortunate victim to take of the aspect of a pig
Seen/Mentioned:A spell of devious intent created by the Mexican Mage Influenze De Porco
Etymology: From the latin "CH" meaning "This is going to cause some major headeaches for y-" and "OO" meaning "oo"

Crucio[edit]

Description:One of the unforgivable curses. Also a form of BDSM. Primarily used by sex maniacs to inflict pain to the partners genitals when having sex. Confused by some to be pleasurable in sex.
Seen/Mentioned:Hermoine does it to Ron whenever they have sex, but people think that Harry uses it on himself before he and Ginny have sex. Harry also used to it force Pavarti Patil to go with him to the Yule Ball in The Goblet Of Fire because no one would go with him.
Etymology:from the english word excruciate which may be linked to biting of partner sex organs during sex.

D[edit]

Daleium Wintonus[edit]

Description: Transforms the victim into a look/sound-a-like of Dale Winton. Does no damage to the victims intentions or powers, but eventually embarasses them to death.
Seen/Mentioned: In Hogwarts history, Helga Hufflepuff used this against Salavar Slytherin after he accused her of having a 'poofy' name.
Etymology: See description.
Divine Buster seen in anime adaption

Divine Buster[edit]

Description: Fires a ridiculously large beam of the type usually seen in mecha anime like Gundam. Simple in theory, yet flashy and very effective. Said to overwhelm Avada Kedavra and leave Voldemort mumbling "What the hell was that...?!".
Seen/Mentioned: Harry witnessed this spell in the Expanded Universe book "Harry Potter and the Transfer Students from Japan". Dumbledore also commented that he wants such a spell to "include that costume".
Etymology: Unknown, possibly ancient Engrish.

Dominus Deathmatch Mortio[edit]

Description: somehow turns the arena wizards are battling in to a lava filled battlefield where practically both duelers have extreme damage, and always results in one being pushed off into the lava.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry used this against Gorfried the Monk in Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets. This backfired upon Harry as Gorfried shoved him into the lava, where Harry was molested by lava demons.
Etmyology; Dominus, meaning "the", Deathmatch meaning, "final", and mortio meaning "battle" in Dwarvish.

E[edit]

Ejaculatorius Excruciatus[edit]

Description: This extremely powerful spell causes a chode to appear in front of the victim and spray a cornucopia of fluids in rainbow colors.
Seen/Mentioned: It is rumored that this spell was developed by the R&D section of the Department of the Interior as this spell has numerous decorating applications. It is known to have been used by Harry Potter to make Hermione whiter than she ever needed to be.
Etymology: In ancient Greek, ejaculation designates an utmost form of loving attraction. Excruciatus means happy.

Erecto[edit]

Description: Fairly self-explanatory. Originally used only for setting up tents, which, coincidentally, is also the term for what happens when you look at the actress who plays Hermione.

Taking a page from that thought, for many in this day and age, it is used as a free source of Viagra.

Seen/Mentioned: Albus Dumbledore uses this frequently, because he's such a player.
Etymology: In English, an "Erection" is what happens when you look at the actress who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.

Expelliarmus[edit]

Description: This spell acts as the exact opposite to the Erecto spell.
Seen/Mentioned: Often used by Wizards who get the "heat" during class. They have to say the spell rather softly, or use the silent spell casting technique as to not draw attention. First seen used by Professor Snape in the Chamber of Secrets during the Dueling Club. Snape uses it on Gilderoy Lockeasy because he gets horny after seeing Harry Potter.
Etymology: From the English words "Expel" and "Arms" (weapon). This was originally called Exsmellmyanus, but was considered too rude for the little wizards, and the adults changed the spell to Expelliarmus.

F[edit]

Falco Puncius[edit]

Description: One of the most dangerous spells, it turns the wand into a fist surrounded by falcon-shaped flames.
Seen/Mentioned: The ancient famous horseback rider Capton Falkoni wield this magic power.
Etymology: The word Falco comes from Capton Falconi and the Falco longipennis and punch From Old French ponchonner to ‘to punch’ - from ponchon ‘pointed tool’.

Fucktalius Aurelius[edit]

Description: Also known as the Initiation Spell, this spell is used by Voldemort to acclimate new Dark wizard recruits. Typically, a Dark wizard will have to endure this spell (which causes Voldemort to rape one in the ear) before being considered a full-fledged Dark wizard.
Seen/Mentioned: Voldemort is seen using the spell on Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Peter Pettigrew. It is rumored that he attempted to use the spell on Harry Potter, but the spell backfired and Voldemort ended up getting himself raped in the ear.
Etymology: From the Latin roots "fucktalius," meaning copulation and "aurelius," meaning related to the ear.

Fus Ro Dah![edit]

Description: Allows the user to wear a viking helmet, after which he/she will shout an incredible force blast that will obliviate anything within 25 miles. Useful for AoE attacks.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry Potter attempted this somewhere in the land of Skyrim. However, he was not a Dragonborn and so ripped his throat apart.
Etymology: From the Elder Tounge "fu ra du" meaning "he who wields great power".

G[edit]

Gemu Giru Gan Go Gufo[edit]

Description: Two Powers into One, also known as Hell and Heaven. A combination of offensive and defensive energies, utilizing the opposing powers of both of caster's hands grasped together. An electromagnetic tornado (Chô-Denji Tatsumaki) forms around the victim when the caster's hands gather, binding the victim as the caster charge into, smashing the gathered fist into the victim's organ (usually heart) and tear it out gathered in both hands—with victim still alive. This spell is consider to be MUCH cooler than Avada Kedavra (the look on victim's face seeing his own heart, still beating, in caster's hands is commonly regarded as priceless). However, it causes extreme physical strain to caster and constant, repeated use of Gemu Giru Gan Go Gufo will almost certainly kill the caster himself.
Seen/Mentioned: Used frequently by many characters in Harry Potter and the Deathly Sparrows.
Etymology:

“It'll penerate you, then go deeper and deeper!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gemu Giru Gan Go Gufo spell

Genetalia Corpus[edit]

Description: Genetalia Corpus causes immediate, irreversable death to the reproductive organs. All sensation and blood flow stops, causing them to eventually rot. It is not the only spell to deny sexual pleasure to the victim, it is however the most permanent and dangerous.
Seen/Mentioned: It is revealed that Dumbledore cast this of Voldemort many years ago, and is the source of the dark wizards rage.
Etymology: From Genetalia and the english "corpse". It is not from the latin "corpus", which means body.

Giggity Giggity Goo[edit]

Description: A spell which causes the caster's energy level to rise and bob his head back and forth rapidly and either shouting out "giggidy giggidy" or "all rigghttt", and causes the target to appear more attractive than he/she really is. This spell may even give the caster enough adrenaline and energy to jump onto the target.
Seen/Mentioned: Dumbledore used this spell to hit on Snape in Harry Potter and the Half-Bodied Princess, which eventually led to Snape having no choice but to kill him. Was even used once on Ron, by Hermione. Harry Potter also uses this spell quite often on a lot of the girls in Hogwarts.
Etymology: Watch "Family Guy" if you don't know.

Google[edit]

Description: It is the spell used by wizards to connect to wizard porn network of priori - Internet , ie all wizards wands are inter connected by this porn network. Harry found this spell in Snape's 1 million year old book of Porno named KAMASUTRA for half bloods.

y Potter and Goblet of fire

, Dumbledore tells Harry thats  Wall-de-Mart , Harry's mom-dad,Cedric were once connected by this porn network .
Etymology: google or go - ogle means go to Porn.

Gluteous Goatseo[edit]

Description: This spell causes two invisible hands of force to physically grasp the rim of the rectum from different directions and force the rectum to open very wide. It is an increadably difficult spell to cast, as concentration must be maintained to prevent backfire. Unfortunetly, The sight and smell of the victims plight is very, very distracting.
Seen/Mentioned: It is revealed in Harry Potter and the Order of The Phenis that James Potter once cast this on Severus Snape.
Etymology: Gluteous refers to the fatty cheeks of the arse, and goatsio is from an old internet curse, Goatse.

Gluteus Maxima[edit]

Description: This causes the targets butt to grow and expand 100 times larger than before. Gas released is considered to be 30 times more toxic and deadly, and 20 times more powerful. It is possible that this could result in an atomic bomb.
Seen/Mentioned: Fred and George used this spell on Crabbe, which eventually leads him to blowing up Hogwarts, killing everyone.
Etymology: Do I need to tell you? Please do not ask me what it means.If you do, I will hunt you down, and kill you.

H[edit]

HADOUKEN!!![edit]

Description: - The user summons a massive Hadouken and will pwn the opponent. Unless, of course, they block the attack.
Seen/Mentioned: - Ronaldo Weasel used this on Harry in a friendly duel. However, Harry blocked this attack, so Weasel jumped back and kept on yelling "HADOUKEN!!! HADOUKEN!!! FUCKING HADOUKEN!!!", until he used the "DIE, DAMMIT!!!" curse and pwned Harry.
Etymology: - "HAD", meaning "do", "OU" meaning "ken", and "KEN" meaning "SHORYUKEN".

Halitosis Repugnio[edit]

Description:This spell causes the target to develop severe bad breath. The breath is so bad that effects caused by it include the dissolving of metal and radioactivity. The breath is also highly toxic.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry casts this on himself to break up with Cho Chang during the half-price prince, and to break into Gringotts in the deathly swallows.
Etymology: Halitosis being a condition of the mouth with they symtpom of bad breath, and Repugnio meainging repulsive.

Hugarium Breastus[edit]

Description: By far the fluffiest spell in Harry Potter, it summons a playful kitten for the caster to cuddle with. It cannot be huffed due to the fifth law of magical consistency. (What were you expecting?)
Seen/Mentioned: Voldemort regularly surrounds himself with fluffy kittens to induce an aura of terror.
Etymology: Unknown.

I[edit]

Ronikus Asplodicus[edit]

Description: Blows the victim's head off with great force, instantly killing them. When used by a powerful wizard, this can even cause the victim's head to explode, resulting in SEHS.
Seen Mentioned: This spell was used by Hermione to kill Ron, by shouting out "Ronnikus Asplodicus". His death can be viewed over here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=VFd4RgU6Ko4
Etymology: Asplode means to blow up or explode in English

Incestify[edit]

Description: This nefarious spell, considered one of the three unforgivable curses, causes the victim to have the irrepressible urge to fornicate with members of their own family. The shock of casting it can fracture the soul.
Seen/Mentioned: Bellatrix Lestrange used this spell on Neville Longbottom's parents as torture. Neville was never the same again.
Etymology: from incest.

Inebriens[edit]

Description: This is an extremely fun and popular spell, which causes the target to act as if they were very drunk. Commonly used at parties, it is also sometimes used on unsuspecting Muggles with hilarious outcomes.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry learns of Horcruxes after getting proffessor Slughorn drunk with this spell, in Harry Potter and the Half-Price Prince.
Etymology: From the Latin inēbriāre.

Impotenci Eternalus[edit]

Description: This spell permanently causes impotence in male wizards. As unpleasent as this spell is, the manner of the effect on the victim is less horrible than genetalia corpus, and is therefore used less by evil wizards.
Seen/Mentioned: In Harry Potter and the Philosophers Scone, this is the spell which had been cast on Quirrel by Voldemort in order to turn him evil.
Etymology: From anceint leprachaun markings found in a wood 35 mile south of Dublin Guinness farm.

Isest Spartamus[edit]

Vegeta's reaction to the use of Isest Spartamus on Uncle Vernon.
Description: Makes a large deep pit behind the targets ass. Then the caster will execute a fucking retarded kick while shouting "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" in a horny manner. This will send the target into the pit and will dine in hell when Satan accepts him/her to a table.
Seen/Mentioned: This is how Uncle Vernon lost over 9000 pounds. Harry casted the spell on him and he had to eat hell food for a month.
Etymology: "Isest" means "This is" in latin and "Spartamus" means "An extremely large clock" in Yu-gi-oh.

K[edit]

Kamehameha[edit]

Description: The more practical method of opening doors. Creates a huge blue blast, after chanting the spell. However, if constipated for five minutes or more before casting, spell effects may increase exponentially.
Seen/Mentioned: Voldemort would often use this one out of impatience.
Etymology: "Ka" stands for get the f**** out of my way, and "mehameha" stands for "too late".

L[edit]

Ligamentus Constrictior[edit]

Description: Often used to painfully prevent a victim from moving, this spell causes all ligaments in a persons body to constrict and swell. The sensation has been likened to being stabbed repeatedly with a hot serrated knife in every muscle in the body, which all have severe bruising and cramp. It is effective at discouraging further movement attempts.
Seen/Mentioned: This spell is used in all the Harry Potter books, usually as a standard punishment for unruly students.
Etymology: From "ligament" and "constrict" in english.

Lumos[edit]

Description: This spell has been known to cast light. In fact, this is only its secondary objective. Its primary power is to strip people of their clothes and cast light on their private parts embarrassing them publicly or just getting a good look. Harry has used this spell several times on Ron to compare the size of their manhood.
Seen/Mentioned: It was revealed Hagrid was expelled for using this on Professor Minvera McGonagall, and Professor 'Pervert' Lockhart was known to use Lumos to jerk off to sleeping Hogwarts students in the dead of the night in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sea Rats. In real life, this was mainly used by God.
Etymology: Latin lumen, "[light]".

M[edit]

Masturbatis[edit]

Description: Causes Hairs to grow on the palms of the hands and blindness
Seen/Mentioned: In the Gryffindor boys dormitory
Etemology: "Mastur" meaning "the one in charge" and "Batis" meaning "Of his own domain"

Matriscoactoconnubialis Macerbestia Modicus Matriscoactoconnubialis Noapparatus[edit]

Description: Causes motherfucking snakes to appear on a motherfucking plane. Slytherin's signature spell
Seen/Mentioned: Used by Harry Potter to kill Brad Pitt in the final book, believing him to hold the missing piece to a jigsaw puzzle. Snape also uses this spell on "Snape's on a Plane" to try to kill Dumbledore, played by Samuel L. Jackson.
Etemology: From the latin 'Matris' meaning mother, 'coacto' meaning force, 'connublialis' meaning sex, 'macer' meaning thin, 'bestia' meaning animal, 'modicus' meaning within bounds of, 'no' meaning fly, and 'apparatus' meaning machine.

Counterspell: Accio chuckus, also known as the chuck norris summoning spell.

Mutatio Grotesticle[edit]

Description: Mutiatio Grotesticle is another spell which denies sex to the victim. Unlike Genetalia Corpus, however, it is not irreversable despite its shocking effects. This spell causes massive engorgment and rapid mutation in the testicles, which is reported as being an extremely painful experiance.
Seen/Mentioned: Snape casts this on kittens for laughs, in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azerbaijan.
Etymology: Possibly Dog Latin from "mutate", "grow" and "testicle". It is also a play on "grotesque".

N[edit]

Nakedus Dominious[edit]

Description: This spell causes the opponent to loose all their clothes and become naked.
Seen/Mentioned: This spell was regularly used on Harry Potter by Severus Snape as a punishment for slight mishaps in potions class. Snape, believing that Harry enjoyed this exposure (like his father) then made him perform the most craziest detentions he could ever think off. Examples include getting him to horseback ride across the entire school, holding nighttime performances of Equus in the Slytherin common room, raping him, and occasionally send him to Dumbledore's office, which used to greatly please him. Dumbledore then used this spell on himself, where he yelled out "NAKED TIME!!", barricaded his office doors and god knows what he used to do to Harry then.
Etymology: You tell me

Nakedus womenus accio[edit]

Description: Nakedus womenus accio is a spell favored by men everywhere. Need I say more?
Seen/Mentioned: Used by Harry when He and Ginny are about to have sex. Probably used also by Ron and Hermione.
Etymology: Nakedus = Naked, Womenus = Women (Naked Women).

Nekomimi[edit]

Yeah, they got this treatment in most books.
Description: Transform girl into Cat girl.
Seen/Mentioned: Due to different artworks present in Japanese edition, the small event from volume 2 Chamber of Torment has become running gag, Hermione (and later Ginny) must fall victim to this spell at least once in each books. One of the most glorified spell, for it usually has the spell effect shows in full-colors folding page.
Etymology: Cat girl (duh!)

Nudious Brestess[edit]

Description: Makes a girl topless
Seen: at Harry's House when Ginny is Drunk, also used by Professor Umbridge in the fifth book because she cant get laid, so she plays with herself. Also used by Dumbledore on Fudge which hit Kingsley instead and eventually bounced off everyone in Dumbledore's study making a clever diversion for his escape.
Etymology:I don't know exactly where it came from, but all I can say is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH U PPL!!!

Number 25[edit]

Description: Causes instantaneous growth of facial hair, most often taking the form of a long, black mustache, ideal for twirling. The actual purpose of such a spell is unknown, but many enterprising young wizards (and the odd baby dragon) have used it in an attempt to make themselves look dashing and masculine for the object of their affection. One must take care when casting #25, though; if the user's wand is pointed anywhere but exactly at the castee's face, the resulting hair may instead grow...somewhere else.
Seen: Ron Weasley made use of #25 in the sixth book, in the hopes of appealing to Hermione Granger. However, his poor aim resulted instead in the above described backfire, much to his embarrassment. When asked where he picked up such a charm, Ron claimed a talking purple unicorn taught it to him, but this absurd explanation was almost immediately dismissed out of hand by his peers...
Etymology: None; the name is derived from the number assigned to it in a popular guide to common spells, readily available in the Ponyville-- er, I mean, Hogwarts Library.

O[edit]

Obliviate[edit]

Description: Obliviate is used to wipe the target's memory. It is very useful to use after rape because the target does not need to be killed afterwards.
Seen/Mentioned: First seen when Gilderoy Rockhard uses this spell with Ronaldo Weasel's stick, after which most of his memory was cleared and he lived the rest of his life thinking he was a cow. He was later shot after wanting to be considered holy by a gangster in India.
Etymology:Obliv, meaning erase in wikipedian; and Ate, meaning person in Engrish

Orgasmus Maxima[edit]

Description: Orgasmus Maxima is a spell which forces the target to make naughty moaning noises. It is widely believed to have been discovered by Severus Snape after he could never find a woman to allow him the pleasure of tapping. He figured that if he couldn't have them, then he should at least be able to make them scream as if he did have them.
Seen/Mentioned: Snape uses this in every novel and movie.
Etymology: From Orgasm and the latin, "maximus" meaning extreme.

P[edit]

Paedo Slaverious[edit]

Description: Allow caster to mind-control victim. While very effective, this spell only has effect on preteen person. There are two versions of this spell Paedo Lolitas Slaverious and Paedo Shotaa Slaverious, the former use to control girl and later use to control boy. Consider to be most important spell by those who involve with child porn.
Seen/Mentioned: Ginny was under this spell in book 2.
Etymology: From "Paedo" and "slave".

Paedophilius Repellus[edit]

Description: Exclusively used to quell paedophilic advances from people who try to hug you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. A difficult spell to cast, it requires the caster to concentrate on happy thoughts, and not on the fact that they might be about be raped.
Seen/Mentioned: First taught to Harry by Lupin in The Prisoner of Azerbaijan.
Etymology: From Paedophile and "repel".


PBSicus Screwicus[edit]

Description: A PBS spokesperson comes and beg the target for money, and if they refuse, the spokesperson come and robs them of all their money and gives it to the caster.
Seen/mentioned: Snape used this on Mr.Weasley in The Deathly Sparrows, causing his family to nearly starve to death, but then Snape was killed, so he got his money back.
Etymology: PBS means Public Broadcasting System, and Srewicus comes from OH SHIT WHAT DO WE DO NOW????

Peristalsis Reversio[edit]

Description: The Object's entire guts are pulled out, and replaced in the wrong direction. That means the only way the Object can eat is by sitting on his food, and the only way to do his every-morning-private-duties is by sticking his head in the toilet.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry dreams of casting this on Snape all the time.
Etymology: "Peristalsis" the way food is pushed along the slimy insides of the gut. "Reversio": just replace the "i" and "o" in "reversio" with an "e".

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn[edit]

Description: Summon Cthulhu. The ultimate spell of doom, that's it.
Seen/Mentioned: Used by Harry in seventh book as suicide attack against Voldemort.
Etymology: "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

S[edit]

Salvia Divinorum[edit]

Description: Allows the target to see the spirits of the elements, the wilds, and the dead, and to hear the music of the gods themselves. Seriously, man, it's way far out.
Seen/Mentioned: In Order of the Penis Fred and George Weasley are seen casting the spell on first-years for three galleons a hit. They are soon caught and subjected to sex torture by Argus Filch.
Etymology: Salvia Divinorum is the scientific name of a herb with similar effects.

Sectumsempra[edit]

Description: This spell is used to cut people, but is more generally used by emo wizards to cut themselves. Apparently invented by Severus Snape, who, as you may have guessed, cut himself frequently.
Seen/Mentioned: Used throughout the series by Harry, especially at the start of book five when he hates life because of the death of Cedric Dickory, his boyfriend. This spell is also used by Voldemort and the Death Eaters to cut the Dark Mark into their arms. Fucking emos.
Etymology: From the latin "sect" (to cut).

Sleeper Hold[edit]

Description: Choke and force target to sleep. Quite difficult spell to perform since most wizards have wrong idea about this spell. Most Moogles not even consider this as spell, but Wizards do.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry wrongly cast this spell on Voldermort in their first encounter by point his wand and shout magic words. In last book, Malfroy eventually make it work by get behind Harry, bring an elbow up near the shoulder placing the hand on the back head while snake another arm around Harry's neck. He almost killed Harry if it wasn't for Ron, who hit Malfroy with a chair.
Etymology: In English.

Solaris Proximo[edit]

Description: This spell is one of the most effective killing curses in Harry Potter. It transports the victim to the surface of the sun, at the very least removing them from the casters presence and giving them a tan. It is whispered that saying the words the other way round would bring the sun into close contact with the earth, and kill everyone.
Seen/Mentioned: This spell is used by Molly Weasely to kill Beatrix Lestrange in the finalle of Harry Potter and the Deathly Sparrows.
Etymology: From the latin "solaris" (star) and "proxy" (near).

Suffocato Vademort[edit]

Description: Another one of Snape's spell, which causes the opponents breathing to get louder and then be choked to death. A lot of people think it is the spell doing this but in reality, it's Darth Vader sneaking up behind the opponent and using the force choke on them. This spell is actually counted as an unforgivable curse, because it brings in more conflict from another series to the wizarding world, which has nothing to do with this. The wizarding world already have their own troubles, and by doing this, they could be destroyed and.....Naww its ok, I prefer Star Wars anyways.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry attempted to use this spell on Snape one time. Darth Vader came but however, he chocked Harry unconscious instead, since he was part of the Rebel Alliance and a Traitor.
Etymology:: suffocate, vader, voldemort, die.

V[edit]

Vomitamortious[edit]

Description: Another killing curse, where people will receive the most painful and goriest death of their time. This causes the person to vomit uncontrollibaly, not only their barf, but also their internal organs until there is nothing left inside of them.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry once used this spell on Malfoy after he set his robes on fire during a Quidditch match, but Snape was able to save Malfoy by popping his organs back in through his mouth and gave Harry unlimitated detention hours. Voldemort uses this spell on many other characters especially his followers who make fun of his body image.
Etymology: vomit and die.

X[edit]

X creature[edit]

Description: Referred to as the 4th unforgivable curse. Causes an ungodly stench to come from the caster
Seen/Mentioned: Never mentioned in the novels. I mean really - in what universe would you teach unforgivable curses to teenage kids? I mean would your Sport teacher ever explain the correct way to mow down your fellow students with an Uzi? Did your Science teacher explain how to make a nuclear weapon out of common household items? "Here kiddies - get rid of your teen angst by causing the guy who really shit you off to DIE INSTANTLY!"
Etymology: From the Middle Germanic "excretia" meaning "To make that which was once a creature a creature no longer"

Y[edit]

Yaranaika?[edit]

Description: The terror spell, ideally the caster should wear a jumpsuit and sitting on bench with washroom nearby, but it isn't necessary. Even most manly men flee in terror when they hear this spell. Those few who can resist this spell get "charmed" instead; in this case, the caster should complete the "charming" process, this is why nearby washrooms can be handy.
Seen/Mentioned: Harry experiments on this spell twice in series. First on Ron, who flees instantly (and immediately requests to move from his room). The second time on Draco and... Rowling just left the detail of charming process altogether. Afterward, Harry notes how the spell brings him to new world but he isn't satisfied with it.
Etymology: "Shall we do it?"

The Ultimate Spell[edit]

Description: Definitely the most useful spell of all time. This is the very spell that keeps Cthulhu in his house in R'lyeh. This is the one spell that keeps the world as we know from bending against Haruhi Suzumiya's will. This is the spell that prevents Godzilla from attacking your town. It will expel Freddy Krueger when he is invading your dream. It cancels the effect of every other spell including killing curses. No matter how powerful the beings, artifacts or spells are, none can withstand the effect of this spell.

And there are more benefits. This spell prevents you from doing stupid stuff and embarrassing yourself. This spell helps you to save money, which you can spend on better books and movies. This spell will make you realise that geek stuff is funny, so you can satire it on a certain website. You may finally get a Boyfriend/Girlfriend, even if he/she isn't as hot as Daniel Radcliffe or Emma Watson. By invoking this spell, you can focus on an actual useful skill rather than useless magic spell. Yeah, this spell is THAT good. You just need to understand it with your heart.

Seen/Mentioned: It was supposed to be in every book, Rowling just ignored it as best as she could.

The spell: Oh, did I forget to tell you? My bad. Now take a deep breath, read the spell and embrace it with your heart...

IT IS ALL FICTION

See Also[edit]

Harry Potter
Characters Hairy Potter · Ron Weasley · Albus Dumbledore · Severus Snape · Sirius Black · Luna Lovegood · Dobby · Lord Voldemort
Books List of Harry Potter Books · J.K. Rowling · First Draft · Catholic Church Version · Worst 100 Harry Potter Spin-off Novel Series of All Time
Places Hogwarts
Misc. Spells · Ripoffs · Snape kills Dumbledore · Dumbledore's closet · Potter's Sexuality · Inevitable Musical (Sequel)