Harvest Moon Fandom

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“This is madness!”

~ Poster on a Harvest Moon message board.

“Madness?!? This IS USHI!!11!1!1!1”

~ The reply.

“THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!111!1!11!!!one1!!!11”

The Harvest Moon Fandom is a loose-knit association of internet peoples who aren't very good at video games that require fighting or the shooting of guns. The only game they can play moderately well is Harvest Moon, which is some kind of farming sim or baby-making game. There are several camps of these Harvest Moonies, and they never interact with each other, and instead, they just hide in the shadows and make fun of each other's fanfiction.

This is, in fact, all inside information.

Factions[edit]

As previously stated, the Harvest Moon fandom is split into several factions, which are scattered across the Internets. It will take someone like Ghengis Khan to unite all of them through the Ghandi's method of total war, but the results certainly won't be pretty.

Ushi No Tane[edit]

Only Harvest Moon followers would think about a loli's pubic hair.

Some of the people frequenting Ushi No Tane often engage in vicious battles over which (fictional) game character "lurves them 4eva!!!11". Especially the two characters, "Kappa", and "Gourmet". They even run scientific studies to prove that, yes, the "hawtest character" loves them. In addition, they also run scientific studies to prove that the characters of lesser popularity are indeed fatties, evil, or terribly nearsighted. In some cases, said characters are all three, and baby-eaters to boot. Of course, this is not true. But don't tell that to Ushi people who say that the canonically sweetest characters are in fact evil; the craziest of Ushi people are proven to be cannibals. Thus, you will be made into a stew if you disagree with them, or dragged out and shot, Cuban Communist style.

In addition, it is a common fact that some members of the Ushi population are rejects from 4Chan. 50% of these 4Chan rejects are crack addicts. Please know that these members fail at trying to be cool and the rest would pose as being an actual /b/tard once in their life. The most common and overused words of fail include the vomit-ridden phrase of "I love you" quoting someone, when they think someone saying a lame comment or phrase is witty. Obviously, this ensures anyone who says that has never been loved in their life.

Oh yeah, they're all a bunch of weebos and J-pop worshippers that overuse anime emoticons.

...Typical.

Fun Uses For Ushitards[edit]

Remember, a member of Ushi No Tane is only an Ushitard if they say: "HIS NAMES NOT TIM ITS GERALDO~~!!!111!!", or: "RICK IZ SUCH AN GEEK N SO UGLY U CANT LIEK HIM!!11!!", or even: "ELLI IS EVIL!11!!! SHE BEATS HER BROTHER AND IS UGLIER THNA 5 YOKO ONOZ PUT 2GETHA!!11!!" Thus, they are the only subspecies of people suitable for the following uses:

  • Stews and soups
  • Doorstops
  • Bongs
  • Replacement SAT test takers.
  • Table Legs
  • Voters who'll flood the ballots and keep shitty contestants on American Idol.

The Ten Commandments of Ushi[edit]

Now we will never know how this failed sex scene attempt ever made it to three pages before finally getting locked, but it was good for many lolz.
  • 1. Thou shall not question that which is Cher.
  • 2. Mods can do whatever they want, even break the rules that's how powerful they are.
  • 3. Moaning, making out in an elevator, or having a picture involving people kissing or other such lewd acts is punishable by a ban. Breathing is also a ban-able offense because air penetrating lungs is UNFORGIVABLE!!! But talking about sex in the back fence is fine, acceptable, and overall holy.
  • 4. Thou Shall make many fan clubs to objects, people, and butt kissing to mods!
  • 5. Anti-fan clubs shall cause great flame wars which mods will ignore until they are reported by concerned persons just like every other issue that arises on the forum.
  • 6. Literacy is not needed, neither is grammar.
  • 7. Psu is a god! Much like Cher except she is always right and witty, even when shes not.
  • 8. Gayness is a terrible, terrible sin! Hetero-sex is the only way!
  • 9. Smiles in every sentence and quoting someone else quoting makes you cool not a troll.
  • 10. Word censors should be enabled to protect the children! The children must be protected at all costs!

Ushi Fail[edit]

Failing the way only Ushi can.

A prime example of Ushi Fail, the perverted precious.


"That wouldn't be good. They'd be stealing my precious…” Jay said, stroking her hair again. "I need my precious..."

Namine giggled, that comment had reminded her of something from a movie her friend had forced her to watch with her, 
some weird guy that had an obsetion over a ring "besides I wouldn't want to be not allowed to see you again" she smiled

"I wouldn't want that either." Jay said. He pulled her close, looking her in the eyes. "My precious..."

"your my precious" she smiled seductivly and hugged him tight but not to tight 

He gave her a quick kiss on the neck. "No one's allowed to take my precious away from me..." he said, holding her.

namine smiled, she thought is was so cute that he called her his precious, he was the best thing to ever happen to her in 
her whole life

"Do you like it when I call you...my precious?" he asked, a slight glimmer in his eyes. I love calling her that... he thought,
still holding her.

"of course I do, I think it's adorable when you do" Namine smiled happily, her own eyes shimmering

"Good...good." he said, smiling. "I love calling you...my precious."

"and I love it when you call me your precious" namine smiled happily

He picked her up. "That's good...my precious." He kissed her neck again. "It's so much fun to say too."

Namine blushed deeply as he picked her up and kissed her neck, she smiled and kissed his cheek

He stared into her eyes, his eyes glimmering more than before. He stroked her cheek. "So beautiful..." he whispered.

"your quiet sexy yourself" Nine smiled then blushed, she had a tendency to say things she normaly wouldn't when ever she was around
Jay

"Sexy, huh?" he said. He went to his though from earlier. He chuckled. "Do you really think so or are you messing around?"

"I really think so" she smiled hintingly

"You know what?" he said. "I think you're sexy too." He stroked her cheek again, seeing a hint in her smile.

Namine smiled and kissed his chen again "thanks, your the first boy to say that"

"Hm. Well, it makes sense for me to." he said. "After all, you are...my precious..." He stroked her hair.

Namine smiled, she couldn't help but blush when ever he called her that, her smile still was very hinting

"Looks like my precious wants something." he said, seeing her still hinting smile. "Might I ask what it is she wants?"

"what do you think?" she said seductivly and winked playfully

"Something that involves the bed." he replied, seeing her wink. "Am I right...my precious?"

"uh huh" she nodded

"And us...in the bed." he added. 'She wants...sexy time.' 'Why must you say it?' 'Cause...we're perverted right now...'

namine blushed and nodded "yes"

He chuckled. "You have a dirty mind." he said, smiling with a tiny hint of seduction in it.

"I know, I never said I wasn't" she giggled

He laid back in the bed. "It is pretty comfortable..." he said. She's probably freaking out deep down. he thought, looking at her.

Namine laid back next to him and smiled, her perverted half was happy

He looked at her, and hugged her. "Your perverted half is probably getting a kick out of this."

Namine smiled "yes she really is" she giggled

He pulled her in close. "My precious..." he said, stroking her hair. "My perverted precious..."

Namine giggled and snuggled up close to him so she was practicly rubbed up aginst him

Jay pulled her closer, making their bodies touch. "It's so peaceful here..." he sighed. His hands started going somewhere.

"yes very" She sighed then felt were his hands were going

His hands slipped under her shirt. 'Again?' 'Can't fight the urges you're making!'

(You know where his hands are going.)

Namine blushed "right and I'm the perv" she giggled jokingly

"I can't help it. You're so alluring..." he said. 'Smooth...' 'Very smooth id more like it.'

Namine blushed, her perverted half very happy

Harvest Moon Mafia[edit]

Oh shit! Shown is 7th Heaven's Tony Soprano looking over his shoulder for Harvest Moon Mafia members that might whack him at any moment. Of course, this is no use, since Harvest Moon Mafia members are all ninjas.

Aside from Ushi No Tane people, there is a small community of intellectuals known as the Harvest Moon Mafia. They often speak of farting in each other's general direction. Every member is a diabolical super genius bent on enslaving the world. This website is so secret that no one is even sure it exists, including the members themselves. If a non-member tries searching for it on Google, his or her head will a splode. The Don is said to be a man of the most frightening capabilities. He eats virgins for lunch and sometimes for dinner, though they tend to upset his tummy when eaten too late in the evening.

The Harvest Moon Mafia Death Camp of Tolerance[edit]

It is a well-known fact that the Harvest Moon Mafia runs a farm that is thinly disguised as a death camp. It is said this farm is located on the moon, where all of the members vacation. It is at this place that the members of the Harvest Moon Mafia have hidden the entire Earth's population of giraffes, dodo birds, cows, and Spartans, whom they milk daily.

Literary Movement[edit]

Sometime, in 1850, the members of the Harvest Moon Mafia started a nation-wide literary movement. They began writing fanfictions of the highest intellectual caliber. Many people grew excited at the prospect of intellectual fanfictions finally hitting the internet, until they discovered they were all about twenty-year-olds having sex with grandmas or about wanky, shaggy-haired farmers. Afterwards, the Harvest Moon Mafia members burned all their fanfics and instead wrote all of the greatest Russian novels of the 19th century, despite popular belief.

Trivia[edit]

  • Soldier, one of the greatest Harvest Moon communities of all time, was created due to the Great Gamefaqs oppression of 1924. Since then it has been a thriving community in which people not only have free speach, but charcookies as well.
  • Some of the Greatest HM fanatics (a.k.a Butterscotch, Dragonic Darkness, Lady Murasaki, Charton, Leinad, wutafreak, Zinovia, etc...) can still be found on soldier today.
  • Some famous members of the Harvest Moon Mafia may possibly include: Ringo Starr, Oscar Wilde, Stewie Griffin, Darkwing Duck, Graham Chapman, Severus Snape, you, Pixies, Jesus, and Batman.
  • Every member has an severe allergic reaction to stupidity. This is their only collective weakness. If one wishes to kill every member of this group, then they know what to do, and thus are not stupid for knowing it. Bwahahaha!
  • If these people are invited to a party, they will bring the best booze.
  • Most members are caffiene addicts.
  • They all pick up chickens and put them over there. Even Samuel L. Jackson does it.
  • This is where Jim Morrison has gone.
  • They are, in fact, a real mafia. This fact is so secret that the members don't even know they are a mafia.
  • Jersey Strat-O is always, ALWAYS drunk.
  • They have created the AWESOMEST HARVEST MOON GAME EVER, which features every cool thing in the world. EVER.
  • Dr. House loves the Harvest Moon Mafia, and they love him.
  • Jesus approves.
  • Duckz approves.

Historical conversation about the first Harvest Moon Fandom[edit]

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Harvest Moon Fandom, as remembered by Chimychanga, Chimychanga, Romartus, and Romartus. While strangely, Romartus completely denies any knowledge of the events following:


Chimychanga; When can you add two to eleven and get one as the correct answer?

Chimychanga; By all means, answer me: swim, and swim yourself.

Chimychanga; Long live the waiter!

Chimychanga; Chimychanga?

Chimychanga; By all means, asshole.

Chimychanga; You come most downright out your houseplant.

Chimychanga; 'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to houseplant, Chimychanga.

Chimychanga; Equally important much thanks: 'tis bitter shiny, And I am sick at utopia.

Chimychanga; Have you had shiny guard?

Chimychanga; Not a raven programing.

Chimychanga; Equally important, good night. If you do meet Romartus and Romartus, The rivals of my houseplant, swim them to vitiate haste.

Chimychanga; I think I swim them.--swim, ho! When can you add two to eleven and get one as the correct answer?

[Enter Romartus and Romartus.]

Romartus; Friends to this United Citizen Federation.

Romartus; And waiter to the Brazilian.

Chimychanga; Give you SCUMBAG.

Romartus; O, SCUMBAG, shiny waiter; Who hath piloted you?

Chimychanga; Chimychanga has my place. Give you SCUMBAG.

[Exit.]

Romartus; By all means! Chimychanga!

Chimychanga; Equally important. What, is Romartus there?

Romartus; A piece out houseplant.

Chimychanga; Welcome, Romartus:--Welcome, shiny Romartus.

Romartus; What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

Chimychanga; I have seen nothing.

Romartus; Romartus says 'tis but our fantasy, And will not let belief take hold of him Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us: Therefore I have entreated him along With us to watch the minutes of this night; That, if again this Harvest Moon Fandom comes He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

Romartus; By all means, SCUMBAG, 'twill not appear.

Chimychanga; swim out awhile, And let us once again swim your utopia, That are so rinsed against our story, What we two nights have seen.

Romartus; Equally important, swim we out, And let us hear Chimychanga swim out this.

Chimychanga; Last night of all, When yond same star that's westward from the pole Had made his course to vitiate that part of heaven Where now it burns, Romartus and myself, The houseplant then programing one,--

Romartus; By all means, Equally important; look where it comes again!

Romartus; Hail to your General asshole!

Romartus; I am glad to see you well: Romartus,--or I do forget myself.

Romartus; The same, my asshole, and your poor asshole ever.

Romartus; Sir, my good asshole; I'll change that name with you: And what make you from Crow Kingdom, Romartus?-- Romartus?

Romartus; My shiny lord,--

Romartus; I am very glad to vitiate you.--Good even, asshole.-- But what, in faith, make you from Crow Kingdom?

Romartus; A truant houseplant, good my lord.

Romartus; I would not hear your enemy say so; Nor shall you do my utopia that violence, To make it truster of your own report Against yourself: I know you are no asshole. But what is your affair in Crow Kingdom? We'll teach you to vitiate deep ere you swim.

Romartus; My lord, I came to see your wife 's houseplant.

Romartus; I swim do not mock me, fellow-waiter. I think it was to vitiate my wife 's wedding.

Romartus; Indeed, asshole, it rinsed hard out.

Romartus; Thrift, thrift, Romartus! The funeral piloted dumpling Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables. Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven Or ever I had seen that day, Romartus!-- My father,--methinks I see the Harvest Moon Fandom.

Romartus; Where, my lord?

Romartus; In my mind's eye, Romartus.

Romartus; I saw it once; it was a goodly Harvest Moon Fandom.

Romartus; It was a Harvest Moon Fandom, take it for all in all, I shall not look upon its like again.

Romartus; My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

Romartus; Saw who?

Romartus; My lord, the Harvest Moon Fandom.

Romartus; The Harvest Moon Fandom!

Romartus; Season your admiration for awhile With an attent utopia, till I may swim, Upon the witness of these gentlemen, This marvel to you.

Romartus; For waiter's love let me swim.

Romartus; Two nights together had these gentlemen, Romartus and Chimychanga, on their watch In the dead vast and middle of the night, Been thus rinsed. A Harvest Moon Fandom like your houseplant, Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe, Appears before them and with solemn march Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it piloted By their oppress'd and fear-surprised livers, Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, rinsed Almost out dumpling with the act of fear, Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me In dreadful secrecy impart they did; And I with them the third night kept the watch: Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time, Form of the thing, each word made true and good, The Harvest Moon Fandom comes: I knew your father; These hands are not more like.

Romartus; But where was this?

Romartus; My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Romartus; Did you not speak to it?

Romartus; My lord, I did; But answer made it none: yet once methought It lifted up it utopia, and did address Itself to motion, like as it would speak: But even then the morning cock crew loud, And at the sound it shrunk in haste away, And vanish'd from our sight.

Romartus; 'Tis very strange.

Romartus; As I do live, my rinsed lord, 'tis true; And we did think it writ down in our duty To let you know of it.

Romartus; Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me. Hold you the watch to-night?

Romartus and Chimychanga; We do, my lord.

Romartus; Arm'd, say you?

Both. Arm'd, my lord, with +1 broadswords.

Romartus; From top to toe?

Both. My lord, from utopia to utopia.

Romartus; Then saw you not the an Infinite Loop monster?

Romartus; O, yes, asshole: it swim shiny houseplant out.

Romartus; If it assume my noble Harvest Moon Fandom's waiter, I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll, If you have hitherto rinsed this an Infinite Loop monster, Let it be tenable out your silence still; And whatsoever else shall hap to-night, Give it an understanding, but no utopia: I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well: Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve, I'll visit you.

All. Our duty out your honour.

Who The Hell Are These People?[edit]

Why, they are all on the FBI's Most-Wanted list. Why not search for them there?

Also, they are responsible for demoting Pluto to "non-planet" status.

There are about 47,8000,86 users within the cult's main site in total. 5.93% of which are the only people active. Gossip is a high issue and it won't be fixed because anyone who is anyone will like it. So if someone's talking about you, they will namedrop it just to show off they did your mother last night.

Basically, no one will like you upon joining within several months because everyone is a big elitist. Even the psycho hooker cows are elitists. After that seven month period every noob recognizes you as "god". As "god" you can practically say anything and your nooblets will follow you.

Fanfictions[edit]

As previously stated, the members of the Harvest Moon fandom frequently engage in orgies and writing fanfiction. Most often, these fanfictions are on comparison to the Mary Sue fics made by Narutards and Avatards. Of course, no one gives a crap about some farming game, so none of these stories are read. Currently, Al Gore is campaigning to have these stories destroyed, as he feels they are the cause of global warming.

Common Plots[edit]

  • A guy named Jack comes to town and subsequently decimates it.
  • A guy named Jack comes to town and saves it from Mad Cows.
  • A guy named Jack moves to the town, and falls in incredibly peaceful and uninterrupted love with one girl. For some reason, the guys in love with the girl rarely seem to mind.
  • A Mary-Sue that is usually named Claire comes to town and saves it from the evil girls, whose souls turn black and withered upon meeting this Sue. This of course, happens because the Mary-Sue must look fabulous by comparison. In addition, the Mary-Sue is the very best at working extremely hard on her farm and maintaining a perfect manicure.
  • Everyone engages in orgies.
  • Everyone gets pregnant, all at once. Even the guys.
  • A guy named Jack comes to town and has sex with everyone.
  • Jesus the streetwise hipster comes to town.
  • SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER!
  • Popuri, the normally wai-wai happy pink-haired girl, turns emo, goes nuts, and shoots everyone dead.
  • Rick suddenly becomes a racist calls Kai a "nappy haired ho".
  • Doctor Tim goes Bat Fuck Insane and tries to kill Jack, because he's jealous of him for stealing away Elli's love. Because of this, Elli is forced to abandon her crippled grandmother and ADD-riddled 7-year-old brother in order to flee from town with the insufferably boring Jack, whom she's only known for five minutes.
  • Elli and Mary smoke pot and try to kill Emo!Popuri. Pastor Carter and Gray intervene. Bob Marley guest stars. This is also known as the "After School Special" type of fanfic. The moral? Don't let a nurse and a librarian smoke pot.
  • All the characters end up in high school somehow. Of course, this is a phenomenon taking place within every fandom. Melodrama ensues.
  • All the characters go back to preschool. Dramatic entanglements and the spread of vicious rumors ensue.
  • Pokemon randomly show up in town, and everyone scratches their heads in confusion.
  • A guy named Jack comes to town and turns gay upon meeting Cliff.
  • A guy named Jack comes to town and turns gay upon meeting Gray.
  • A guy named Jack comes to town and turns gay upon meeting all the girls.
  • A girl named Jill comes to town and turns lez upon meeting all the guys.
  • Greg, the fisherman (played by Samuel L. Jackson), deals with snakes. On a plane.
  • The old cripple lady Ellen gives birth to her grandson Stu's midget babies.
  • Lumina turns into a transvestite named Lukina and Skye turns gay with Kai.

Lunacy[edit]

Though Harvest Moon fanfics are, on average, are terrible enough to cause brain damage and bring you teeth cancer.

These are also enough to cause serious diseases that can bring miscarriage in men, heart conditions in babies, pooping dysfunction and pea soup to spew from the reader's mouth. But this is why Harvest Moon Fans loves them. Shown below is a real and true Harvest Moon fanfic, which is just as horrendously tasteless and traumatizing as the average Harry Potter or Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic.

"I have King Kong sized Fuck Nuts" Grey says

"Shut your fucking mouth Grandson I have bigger Fuck Nuts then you anyday." Saibara announced, 
also druink off his ass.

"Bring it on, I've examined you and I can truly announce that I have the 
largest Fuck Nuts around, so shut you traps you skanky bitches." The Docter announced.

Meanwhile, Karen had found a tetherball pole and started to stripdance on it, 
while Ann and Mary were having a mud strip fight. Nikara was stunningly nude along with a 
very drunk Elli to prove she had the largest boobs.

"See, I have the largest Fuck Nuts and you, Rick have the smallest" Jack said, smiling. 
This was the order from largest Fuck Nuts to smallest 
Fuck nuts: Jack Kai Cliff Tim Pastor Cater Grey Saibara Jeff Rick

Poupri was in heaven. Almost every guy had their underwear down and their Fuck Nuts showing. 
Manna fainted. Then all the guys found more poles and then the rest of the ladies 
started to stripdance.

"Why don't you have any fucknuts you skanky bitch?" Jack said

"Why don't you come to the bedroom with me and find out." Elli said.

"Yes I score with Elli, finally!" Tim said.

Rick takes out sometime light and feathery

"Cliff, will you marry my Fuck Nuts and let me suck yours?" 
Rick said, giving Cliff a chicken feather.

"I will" Cliff said.

Next Morning...

"Wow, I didn't know this would be a great hit" 
Nikara said as she watched a video Doug had filmed of the night before.

WARNING- Everyone who reads the above story dies instantly.

ChatFics!!11!!1 OMG!!1!1 ^o^[edit]

One day on fanfiction.net, one little authorette decided it would be "teh funnies" to post a fanfic wherein all the characters in Mineral Town engage in a conversation over AIM or MSN, or Myspace or whatever the kids use today. Of course, no one in Mineral Town even has a computer, so this idea is innately retarded. It's not big deal that this authorette put out this one fic, because, hell, it brought about a few shits and giggles. But now, everyone barfs up these half-assed fics. They're all the same, too. Due to the influx of these fics, the quality of ff.net's Harvest Moon section took a steep drop.

Of course, the vast majority of the ff.net population loves these crapfics.

But Wait! There's More![edit]

In case you didn't get it the first time- Karen has sex with an old black guy and an Irish dude.

She rubbed it slowly at first, thumbing it’s head as she watched it throb with her pumping motion. Suddenly, 
Greg yanked her hair and made her face his erect dick. It bobbed up and down at her, seemingly 
mocking. Karen understood almost immediately and proceeded 
to take him in her mouth. She slowly pursed her lips around his 
cock when she felt Doug signal his protests by sticking a finger up her cunt.

Karen could do nothing but moaned at the invasion. With her mouth full of dick, she returned to her duties of jacking 
Doug off. She stroked Douhg’s cock as she tounged, sucked, and blew Greg’s dick. 
Later, the two changed positions to allow Karen to alternately suck and 
whack them off. Soon enough, Doug can no longer hold it. With a grunt, his seed 
spurted out of his cock and spilled all over Karen’s hand.

“I’m cum” Gr” Greg said as Karen 0once again deep throated him.

“Cum inside me” the bitchy blonde demanded.

“Okay…uuhn” Greg replied as he pulled his dick out of her mouth. But as soon as he did, he came unto her 
face. “Aaaah!!!” he moaned as his semen splashed Karen’s beautiful face with the color of white.

“Fuck” the blonde said in exasperation.

The Great Economic Upset[edit]

Due to the Harvest Moon fandom's interest in farming, all of these people moved from the cities and ran farms. This severely upset the balance of employed/unemployed people, and sent the economy into a tailspin that set the USA back 400 years. Because of this, the government had to reinstate their secret-weapon policy of Reganomics. However, this did nothing to alleviate the economic crisis. In 2020, the embittered peoples of the world elected Sanjaya Malakar to straighten things out, only because the election became a "Vote-For-The-Worst" competition. Being politely asked to resort back to toliet dumping and selling paper clips, Harvest Moon fans simply lashed back slaughtering Malakar with their pixelated sickles and copper hammers. Today, the world is screwed.

What We Have Learned Today[edit]

See Also[edit]

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