Headshot

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Moments before the world's first headshot

“The headshot is widely regarded as the greatest invention since the kitten hurling battle.”

~ Gunmen on headshots

“The ethics of a one shot kill could be debated for hours on end, but nobody has that kind of time anymore.”

~ Conan O'Brien on headshot ethics

“BOOM!! HEADSHOT.”

“WTF HOW CAN U KIL MI WITH WAN GLOCK HEADSHOTTT!??”

~ angry german kid on glock headshots

“Take that, capitalist faggot!”

~ Lee Harvey Oswald on John F. Kennedy receiving a headshot

“Theres confetti in there?!”

~ Grunt from Halo apon seeings another grunt being headshotted

Origins[edit]

The headshot was, as all great discoveries are, a total accident. The headshot was invented by a man named Rambo in 1306. He, before becoming the God that he is, used to hunt in the most trivial manner of hitting small animals at larger animals with a paddle. This could be traced back to one of the earliest forms of Gerbil Tennis. This took several hundred small animals and many hours of paddling. Once day, however, Rambo was hunting what he thought was some kind of Moose with a standard variety of ammunition: squirrels, kittens, and the like. He began to open fire on the creature with his laser guided animal paddle, when, in reaching for a squirrel, he mistakenly picked up a 70 ton boulder, and paddled it at the thing. The creature stared blankly at it, smiling, as the boulder crushed the thing's head into an ugly red paste. The whole incident took 14.86 seconds, giving a 16958.277% efficiency boost from the usual average of 70 hours per kill (In which case the animal usually died of boredom, exhaustion, or starvation as opposed to damage.).

The Most Painful Headshot Ever[edit]

After the invention of the headshot, Rambo had to move on to take the place of God, who had a scheduling conflict. As his first act, he spread the headshot to the world, bringing joy, happiness, and bloodshed (which may have caused the previous two.). One of the most notable headshots was during the Battle of Evermore, in 1597 which was then made into a song by Led Zeppelin (Christian Band). During said battle, General Orson M. Gerard (to be referred to as General OMG herein) and Sergeant Wilfred T. Filletson (to be referred to as Sergeant WTF herein) led their armies across the Plains of Evermore to meet on the field of battle. Their dispute was a matter of whose shiny new nickel was shinier. Each Lord gathered their armies from across their lands of respective influence until they each had a moderately sized army (Est. 78 000 000 000 various soldiers per side). General OMG, defending the 1962 American nickel, made the first move and charged Sergeant WTF, who was defending the 1958 Canadian nickel. Naturally, the side defending Canada was the pwnage and they shot and pwned the Americans. One guy shot another in the head and it hurt him.

Moments after the world's first headshot

Headshots In The Modern World[edit]

Today, headshots are regarded among the greatest inventions of all time. They have been refined into an art, a thing of beauty.

BOOOOM HEADSHOT!!

Nowadays, people use their new fancy firearms, however, in places that are way out in the backcountry, like New Jersey, the people every now and then still get together for a good old fashioned 70 ton boulder hurl. Headshotism has been developed into a religion, preached by the worlds most famous Headshotter, FPS Doug. He, and his horde of followers often pretend to be in war, and cry in a shrill, irritating, and most assuredly deafening "BOOM HEADSHOT!" whenever possible to drive out the enemy. They are fanatics, and have been hunted by the FBI, however, they seem to be in a different area every day. In the course of several hours, they have been spotted in Germany, Normandy, Iraq, and more. The only explanation for this is they have connections that can get someone somewhere fast. These "fast connections" are unexplainable, but the only plausible possibility.

References[edit]

Rambo: A History - Book by Bob Rosenjensenxavierdartanionvonjagerschmidt

Famous Battles In Which Sh*t Happened - Book by Oscar Wilde

The .50 cal. Bible: Headshotism - Book by Unknown Headshotist

Historic Places That Have Been Emulated In Video Games And Visited By Headshotists: The Secrets That A Religion That Wouldn't Exist If Technology Hadn't Advanced As Far As It Had Don't Want You To Know - Collaboration by Various Writers and Researchers