Heart attack

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Heart attack!

A heart attack (or Mariokartial Infarction) is when your heart erupts from your chest, mouth or ass and then attacks you or people with children or your mom. Victims of heart attacks often experience the growth of a third arm or foot, or an eye in the right shoulder (Shoulder Eyepopsia). Other common side effects include poor penmanship, a desire to watch American Idol, and Pepsi Blue addiction. Known cures are muffins, Russian Roulette, consuming energy drinks, not breathing, and partying like it is 1999, and death.

Heart attacks were once thought to be caused by cholesterol build up in the veins. This has, however been proven by 300 untrained monkeys to be entirely false. The real reason for heart attacks are untreated ingrown toenails, people that think that Wikipedia is better and McDonalds shitty food. Because of this, your heart gets angry and attempts to take your life for being a complete idiot. Then you are unable to reproduce and become immune to the constant threat of ManBearPig.


Heart Attack Types[edit]

Atrial Fibrillation occurs when the heart produces a rhythm that flops around and generally makes no sense, much like the rantings of G.W. Bush.

Myocardial Baboosh occurs when you catch your sweetie with someone else. Symptoms include dizziness, headache, craving fatty foods, and total disintegration of the heart muscle, resulting in an audible "baboosh!" and death.You're the one that I'm talking to Watching me when I'm passing through Got shades on like I can't see you No say me fancy you AuhAuhAuh Coz I'm a burner boy And you like the thrill But Baby Girl Take time and chill Coz I'm a hustla baby And I'll be on my grind Till I find a mill Sorry Mrs Jackson I never meant to make your daughter cry And If I ever said I loved her

Other uses of the term[edit]

"Heart Attack" is also the unofficial code for one of the most powerful military strategies. If a city is under heart attack, the operating forces will try to shatter the city defens by amplifying their own heatbeats with megaphones. To meet the exact frequency, which will, for example, cause bridges to break down, each soldier is equipped with his personal stair master. After the point of target-resonance (PTR) has been calculated, the stair masters will automatically adjust the step level, so the soldiers heartbeat matches the PTR. This strategy has been proven to be extremely effective (e.g. only ten soldiers are needed to cause the Golden Gate Bridge to crack within 30 minutes).

The FBI, CIA, Pentagon, Octagon, Square, White House, Green Lawn, FOX, BBC, KFC and Scully have been very effective keeping this strategy a secret. But rumors have arisen throughout the past ten years in response to soldiers returning home with an unexplainable fear of gyms and workout programs. Most of these soldiers have refused to practice any kind physical workout, and started instead an extensive eating habit of deep fried food while spending 19 hours a day in front of the TV. Their early deaths, caused by self-induced physical abuse, have ironically since been called "heart attacks".

NOOO HEaRT AttAcK!!

Totally different from above, there have also been reported cases of actual physical Heart attacks, when patients are awaiting a medical heart procedure or transplant and the heart round house kicks the patient in the face.

See also[edit]