Heartless

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“........”

~ A Heartless on anything

“That darkness comes from your own dark past...”

~ Sephiroth on how to be racist to a Heartless

“The manifestation of darkness...then why has it got bright eyes??”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Heartless are wrong!!

HEARTLESS IS THE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! The Heartless are considered to be the most evil and fearsome (and possible self-harming) creatures that exist in the universe of Kingdom Hearts.

Definition[edit]

The concept created by the company of Disney is that the Heartless is simply a normal 'heart' (this representing emotions and such) that has been corrupted by the powers of darkness. Yet what Disney failed to grasp is that the traits of Heartless being something with no emotions and being made from darkness is a mimicry of an emo. Of course, they rarely have emo people around Disney populated areas.

The classical appearance of a Heartless is of a small, black creature with glowing yellow eyes, that jitters as if caught in a fit. However, some Heartless have been known to go the extra mile and appear in different colours, their normal black skin changed to different shades of grey and green armour or clothing. Some even went so far as to wear clothing that was light blue. These Heartless were quickly sent to their deaths on suicide missions in Twilight Town in order to separate these colourful freaks from the general Heartless population.

The Heartless Raid[edit]

At some point in the world of darkness, the Heartless began to amass in large groups, in preparation for war. They wished to storm the realm of light (the dark world's counterpart), and rape innocent Disney characters of their emotions, thus in turn creating more Heartless to join the army. This plan appeared foolproof, and the Heartless firmly believed that they would win the war.

The army entered the light realm, appearing in Hollow Bastion, where they prepared to reap the little town full of Disney and Final Fantasy characters, and get some hearts. The attack on the town was foiled, however, when Lord Sora arrived at the scene with his trusty friends, and easily slaughtered a thousand Heartless with an overgrown stick called a keyblade. To make matters even worse, the Heartless's mortal rivals, the Nobodies, joined in and killed even more of the little buggers. The Heartless were gutted as all their fallen comrades were ridden of their emo status and eaten by the chav-like Nobodies, and so they fled back to the comfort of the darkness.

Creation[edit]

Heartless are created by Stewie Griffin, the guy at the corner store, Nelson Mandela, Pikachu, Illegal Immigrants, Barney, That Guy, Michael Jackson, and many others to take over the world.

The Master Plan[edit]

After their severe kicking at Hollow Bastion, the Heartless laid low for a while to wallow in their misery. Many of them turned to harming themselves, some even harmed each other, and others plainly gave up and died. As so, at the time of the second game, Kingdom Hearts 2, the Heartless were a dying breed, and the Nobodies were becoming the ultimate enemies for the world of light. Not surprising, seeing as everybody hated them.

Some of the Heartless began to take on mercenary jobs, such as helping Riku beat up Roxas, and helping the Organization member Saix to freak out Sora and other Disney characters with his über power. These Heartless rarely got paid though, because Riku and Saix were to prejudiced against colours to pay them.

It was at the time of the Middle Earth age, when Lord Sora and friends left to the far corner of the universe to go kill some orcs, that the Heartless actually began to grow some confidence. With the keyblade bearer away, who was to stop them taking over? The Heartless agreed amongst themselves that it was time to re-enter the world of light and cause some havoc.

And so, when Lord Sora returned from his travels, to find the world full of Heartless again, he rejoiced, and began killing them all. The Heartless lost confidence and sulked for while, before trying again. And again. And again. And then they eventually gave up.

The Cloning Theory?[edit]

As put forward by the barmy-wizard-obsessed-with-brooms known as Yen Sid, the Heartless will continue to populate the realm of light. This is because, "deep down", he said, "everyone is just a little bit emo".

After the public hanging of Yen Sid a few hours after his revelation, it was agreed by the random Disney characters that the Heartless must be coming from somewhere, as none of them would agree that any kind of Disney character was even the slightest bit emo. And so the even-more-barmy-wizard-obsessed-with-books known as Merlin put forward the idea that the Heartless must be in possession of a cloning device. More than your average Dolly the Sheep-maker, this device could chuck out more Heartless than you can have hot dinners made by Jamie Oliver. The Disney characters thought this idea was much better than the emo idea, and so only gave Merlin a slight lynching for being too old.

After the public proclamation of the cloning machine idea at Hollow Bastion (which was renamed Radiant Garden by their new local council), Xehanort came forward from Nowhere to announce that it was he who had built the cloning machine for the Heartless. This was done during his experiments on the heart. But because he was a Nobody, nobody cared. He was eventually driven from Radiant Garden when people began throwing bricks at him.

The Heartless were generally confused at all the fuss explained in the above paragraphs. All they know was that they stole a heart from Disney character, which then turned into another Heartless. End of story. So what if Xehanort had built a cloning machine to make more Heartless? All it did was just brand them with Xehanort's own signature. Bit pointless, really.

The Future for all Heartless[edit]

As of now, the Heartless are regaining their population by reaping endless Disney characters (for there always seem to be enough to reap) for their hearts to boost the dark population. If the Heartless population gets a little too large, Lord Sora simply goes out and kills a couple of hundred to bring it back down again. The Heartless then try to do the same thing again. Thus there is a balance of Yin and Yang in the universe of Kingdom Hearts. And Sora thought it...good. Which is a long way from how the Heartless feel. But who cares?

Heartless and Nobodies[edit]

It is important to note the difference between the race known as Heartless and the race known as Nobodies. Their primary difference is in how they are created; a Heartless is a creature spawned from the absence of a heart and a Nobody is a being without a heart. Heartless are lesser enemies ruled by the primary villain at the end of the first game (Xehanort), while Nobodies are minions of the main villain of the second game (Xehanort). The misguided scientist known as Ansem unintentionally created the first Heartless, but Ansem initiated the creation of the very first Nobody. Lastly, while Heartless seek to take over the world with brute force for no reason, Nobodies wantonly want to control the world with their power. These key differences serve to draw fans of Kingdom Hearts deeper into the plot of the story. These traits also separate the two distinct creatures from the new enemy race known as Unbirths, which will appear in Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep.

See Also[edit]

Organization XIII
Darkness


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HEARTLESS BY KANYE WEST IS SUCH A FUCKING AWESOME SONG ^___________^. lalalalala. heartless is satan's theme (;