Heavy metal

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Template:Rewrite/Hard Heavy Metal is the 666th element in the periodic table of alchemic mixology making it the heaviest of the metals, in fact the heaviest of all known naturally occurring elements, even heavier than rock. It was discovered in 1964 by the German physicist Max Lucifer and his friend Pelvis Resley, who sold the rights to the discovery to King Diamond in exchange for his soul. It was not until the industrial revolution of the 1970s that it became important as the primary ingredient in the manufacture of Iron men and war pigs. Coincidentally, when the revolution died down in the 1980s another technique in Heavy Metal handling was found. This new way to handle Heavy Metal gave astounding results creating a wide range of products, products like : A musical version of Judas' followers and a brand new torture device which actually gave enjoyment to the victim.

Heavy metal is often blamed for heavy metal poisoning, which can lead to suicidal tendencies in teenagers. It is also one of the sources of headbanging syndrome (along with hard rocks). It has been said that this headbanging disease is spreading all over North America and has made its way to England. These Brits love it, even though their parents are trying to cure it with Scientology, a "medicine" made of pure bullshit that can be purchased at any local Tom Cruise store. The element is mainly found in Norway, Sweden, Germany, England, Netherlands, Canada and sometimes the United States of America. Especially Finland, where it is found in an almost pure form. It is believed that Finland sits on a potential mine of pure heavy metal, and that the Finns themselves have almost all been mutated into metalheads by it. The Norwegians and Swedes also have been known to undergo mass disfigurements. Lately, heavy metal gained a huge audience in retro-80's cultures of Eastern Europe (Russia or Poland) and South America (Chile or Argentina).


Lemmy, metal messiah

Diametrically opposing energies in self-sealed plasmadermic bubbles...they make great pets!

The origin of heavy metal is a result of another element, Hendrixium. This element is known for having high power and rocking hard, but it has an incredibly short life. Scientists attempted to synthesize this element for use in electric guitars, thus creating heavy metal. However, this failed miserably, due to Hendrixium being so awesome, in fact, almost as cool as Frank Zappa, so a bunch of people went to Compton, and when gang war broke out between a bunch of honkeys and early chavs, the resulting awesomeness created Heavy Metal (or as it was called back then: Comptonium)

Manufacturing of this element is dangerous and is best done in experienced professional labs, such as the Metallica Engineering Laboratory AKA Damage Incorporated. Attempts by amateurs to create this element often result in death, loud noise, and demonic possession.

If you combine these elements it is possible to fly a maximum of 3 feet high.

After all, we all admit that the Heavy and all kind of Metals grew up from the back alleys of Camden Street in London... But we can't deny the true Heavy-Fucken-Metal Fans, and Metalhoods roots'bloody'roots that we formed and are located in Lebanon! All Hail to all Lebanese MetalHeads...! Oy Oy! \m/ And then we all fuck all night to the sound of "Number Of The Beast" that just hit the charts here.

Since the discovery of Heavy Metal, several other elements have been synthesized. For your convenience, they have been organized into isotopes, or Genrium, and sub-isotopes, which are known in the boo scientific community as Bandcruftium. BALLS.



A rather unknown element, Alestormium was accidentally discovered by Dr Davy Jones when he was placing some lost souls into the medical morgue. He knew he had hit on something big when Alestormium was combined with copious amounts of rum. Once they had been combined, the Alestormium transmogrified into head banging pirates.

But the head banging pirates got out of control due to having a little too much to drink and they quickly escaped the medical centre. They then headed straight for the harbour and high jacked a visiting ship. After Keelhauling Dr Davy Jones, they elected Captain Morgan to be the commander of the ship and decided to travel Back Through Time to kill those annoying Vikings. But, they were Shipwrecked on the way and once combined with water, transmogrified back into Alestormium. The island that the Alestormium washed up to has not been discovered yet but an expedition commissioned by some pesky Vikings could get the Alestormium destroyed forever.

Judas Priestium[edit]

The most powerful element, behind only Saxium. Can be found in the sky, Riding On The Wind. Sometimes used as Painkiller, high doses are highly venomous and can take you Beyond The Realms Of Death. Scientists even theorize that only a touch of evil in the form of this element can be worse than the Devil's Child. Can be found on the Lochness, but only when the Night Comes Down. Use it carefully, or you'll be never satisfied. For greatest effect, you have to ram it down when you insert Judas Priestium into an orifice (such as your Electric Eye). Long-time users are known to become Hell Bent For Leather, though some go on a religious crusade and become Defenders Of The Faith, or auto enthusiasts and begin work on developing faster turbos. It will also eliminate the need for sleep, as it keeps you Living After Midnight. When immersed in anti-matter, Judas Priestium is known to transform into chickens And porn. Commonly used in the production of Harley Davidson motorcycles, as well as killing machines and jugulators. Possession of Judas Priest is Breaking The Law. If you use too much, The Ripper (or if you like, Jack the Knife) will come and attack you in London town streets. If you think that Judas Priestium has no effect on your Body, You've got another thing Coming. Religious Folks should becareful when using this, as it may cause Sin after Sin. Famous element in the Killing Machine which is manufactured from British Steel and it will have its operators screaming for vengeance. Predicted in AD 1343 by Nostradamus. Be careful cause this element is against the police and might turn you into a leather rebel.


KISSium was discovered in 1973 when Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley and Peter Criss were exposed to high volumes of tight pussy. The friction was too much for them to handle. Then one morning all four members of KISS woke up with super powers. Gene gained the ability to vomit blood on stage as well as setting his hair on fire. Paul became really good at acting gay in order to impress the ladies while Peter learned to drink vast amounts of alchohol, and Ace was able to crash cars and found a way to perform a bong conversion on his guitar for those endless stage shows. Convinced that they all had gained super powers KISS put KISSium on the market. Not long after the release of KISSium in stores Angus Young bought 5 packets of the stuff and distributed it to each member of AC/DC hoping that they would get the same result that KISS got. Instead AC/DC gained the ability to rewrite the same album nine times.

Iron Maidenium[edit]

A base element of all heavy metals. It was first found Somewhere in Time at about 2 Minutes to Midnight, after a a group of Tailgunners commanded by Alexander the Great were attacked by The Trooper and The Phantom of the Opera and forced to Run to the Hills, knowing that they must Be Quick or Be Dead. This element has no half-life, remaining at the same strength until it becomes a Matter of Life and Death. Used in just about everything. Famous for its use in World War 2 when, English airmen went Aces High and defeated the Germans, who had as a result, The Number of the Beast on their neck and they had to run to a Brave New World. It is imported to Night Clubs around the World because of its use during the Dance of Death. Famous Killers used it to take a Piece of Mind from their victims. (An Iron Maidenium engineer named Eddie was turned into a zombie by overexposure to this element. Always use caution when handling, side effects sometimes include Fear of the Dark, and the Evil that Men Do is often attributed to misuse of the substance. Proper care will result in excellent vocals and harmonized guitar solos.)

During the latter half of the 90's, a project was conducted exploring the possibility of combining Ironmaidenium with the element Blazebaylium; however very few of these experiments were able to produce useful results. By the end of the 90's the project was abandoned.


The only 2 metals that are known to make a covalent bond AC and DC, alone these 2 metals are harmless but combined AC/DC becomes a mind blowing bomb known to cause high voltage and make wires live, this deceives observers into thinking it is a form of hard rock, rather than a metal. It is often used in making T.N.T. Long time users are infamous for spoilin' for a fight, saluting those about to rock, wanting to be Rock 'N' Roll Singers, and wanting a whole lot of Rosie. It is often found on the Highway to Hell, before money starts talking, but after Bon Scott declares there to be rock. This metal, found only in Australia, has been known to force the dead to come back in black for a short time. During its half-life, this metal may become more magnetized, causing anyone who holds it to become thunderstruck. These victims often tell stories of Hells Bells and that they want to shoot to thrill. The latest discovery for the use of this element has been to fuel trains across plains of black ice.

Black Sabbathium[edit]

The purest form of Heavy Metal alloys and elements. This element takes shapes naturally in the form of pentagrams, and alloys well. When used in its purest form, it can cause the user to become Paranoid, cast oneself Into a Void, pray to Saint Vitus, watch Laguna Sunrises, and in extremely rare cases, declare war on pigs. When mixed with Iron (Fe) it can be bonded to human flesh to produce a sort of Iron Man. Not suitable for heavy industrial usage in its deozzyfied form. Though when mixed with Diocyte, it creates two powerful metals called Heaviside and Hellium (Not to be confused with Helium). Mixed with Gillium will make it go inactive. Martium will cause a violent chain reaction that will split the atom and thus destroying the element.

  • Notes: Black Sabbathium, Judas Priestium, AC/DCium, and Iron Maidenium are the base metals; in other words they can be mixed to create virtually any other form of heavy metal. This is often used by heavy metal purists to determine whether or not a given metal is "true." If a form of metal can't be reproduced by mixing Priestium, Sabbathium, AC/DCium and Maidenium, then it is considered "not true" and is subsequently damned to haul away buckets of tears from emo concerts in hell. Exceptions given to elements with the properties of Lead Zeppelinium
  • Additional Note. You're a dirty whore if you didn't notice the absence of Deep Purplium.


An extremely deadly alloy created in a house on Randy Rhoad from separating members of the metal Black Sabbathium and combining it with BLS (Black Label Societium). It is extremely dangerous to small creatures such as bats. It is also capable of inhaling ants and other insects through nostril-like pores on its surface. This metal will excrete liquids when put on national monuments such as the Alamo. Any contact with Ozzium is extremely encouraged, and praised, though trains are known to go crazy when exposed to it. Side-effects include Barking at the Moon and the going home to mom syndrome. It is said that Ozzium can make you worship the devil, but it just turns you into a Rock N Roll Rebel.


A rare and destructive metal, commonly believed to cause entire cities to burst into flame. It was discovered by Sir Rastus Bear, a Veteran of the Psychic Wars who earned great fame for his participation in The Siege and Investiture of Baron Von Frankenstein's Castle at Weissaria. While Bear was hanging out at Club Ninja (which is In the Presence of Another World), he reached into his Pocket, and found a Magna of Illusion, which he used to go back in time and invent the ümläüt. It was only then that he O.D.’d on Life Itself, and discovered Öysterium in the Cold Grey Light Of Dawn after a Godzilla attack. He was soon driven Moon Crazy, and Screams were heard until After Dark. In modern times, this element is commonly used to summon the Power Underneath Despair, but often causes users to yell "I AM THE STORM!" and engage in acts of Dominance and Submission with Flaming Telepaths, causing Cities to set aflame, rocking and rolling until they are burnin for you.


A very strange element. Despite originally having been thought to be a common rock, like the Stone Cold Crazy, after several mutations, it transforms into a hard solid form of metal, according to Professor Mustapha. It was used in the Meddle Ages for the sect caled Princes of the Universe to cure the Flick of the Wrist. However, after ingesting a large amount of this material can make turn into a transvestite and make you shout "I want it all".

It's composed by:

666%-Steel wool

Total: 871.2411691% 100%


One of the strongest metals known to man. Used as a metal only by people that do not care about chemistry, as this is a form of very Hard Rock. This so called metal is often underrated in its properties purely on its potential uses for; Slashing Guitars, Axl spandex liners, Duff beer cans, Izzy coke flavoured pepsi bottles, and brainkillers for Nerds. Other than these it has many other uses especially as tin foil to bombard NERDS.

Alice Cooperium[edit]

Poisonous. First discovered in the Trash of Dragontown on the Brutal Planet, this is a very early metal, and is mined out of Shock Rocks. Result of being around the ore too long results in large black splodges around one's eyes. Non fatal to males, but not recommended around females, as Only Women Bleed. This, in fact, is because of their body, answering the age old question. Can cause Nightmares. An isotope of Alice Cooperium was accidentally delivered to a school, causing it to be out of session forever.


Very little is currently known of this metal. It was forged in fire in the late 70's but was not discovered until 2008. This particle is very dangerous in weight and when you come in contact with it the side effects include Making love at school and unconscious flapping of lips. This is one of the the earliest form of thrashmetalium.

Rage Against The Machineium[edit]

An incendiary and higly volatile isotope of Funkium Metal B. It was first brought to our planet by the People of The Sun in the infamous Battle of Los Angeles, These People harvested the isotope from the Funk Belt planet Vientow. Exposure to this isotope will quickly cause the inability to speak normally, but will cause you to talk only in verse and scream the same thing over and over again. You will spit mad Bomtracks and have the urge to go down certain Drives named after souther sports, blasting people with a shot gun (This is ABSOLUTELY true, and victims tend to Testify this). You will then feel extremely calm, somewhat like a bomb. DO NOT under any circumstances allow this element to come in contact with anyone who is a republican, conservative, a CEO, or could in any way be considered "A Honkey," as it will cause them to explode, and You'll automatically Kill Them in the Name of this element. This element has also been used for manufacturing radios by guerrillas. Also keep away from Bulls as it will cause them to go on a parade.


A somewhat cooler version of Lead. For a full description see Lead.


Often found after the wind cries Mary, those exposed to this metal may experience their vision being overtaken by a Purple Haze. In very, very rare cases, users experience Manic Depression and may have to choose between Love and Confusion. In the end, over-users are thrown in the Red House.Often seen All along the watchtower of a castle made of sand.


Extremely powerful in the first four stages, this metal decays over time after the 5th stage, eventually turning into carbon. In its fourth stage, it gradually fades to black. It is used to master puppets with short straws and create sandmen (manufactured by Downey, California-based company Damage, Inc., and his Fort Lauderdale, Florida not-as-good deposit service, Garage, Inc.), the latter of which however only one was created, which is sad but true. Still, though, it's better than you and has no remorse.. The fact that might make people feel whiplash, is that it will never stop, it will never quit, because it's Metallicanium. It was first synthesized by chemist Dr. Larsiandus Ulrichson and his mate Jaime Hatfielder, who currently resides in the house that Jack built previously owned by the leper messiah. If you are the owner of a metallicanium mine, you might end up king nothing one day having motorbreath. If you are a current owner, hit the lights on the operation! If not, many metalheads will kill 'em all. When mining, trucks have to load and reload constantly as metallicanium is about as heavy as St. Anger. It's a dangerous occupation, as it requires many years of living shit, roaming wherever, binging and purging to be a metallicanium miner. The metallicanium miners militia, which they believe nothing else matters, are holier than thou, usually believe in the god that failed and the creeping death, use batteries in order to call Cthulhu, and some of them are also harvesters for whom the bells always toll, in the area where the wild things are. You're welcome home if you want to join the miners' militia, but in the initiation ceremony you'll have be the hero of the day or the Phantom lord: the main prove is seek and destroy for fire, jump in it and fight it with more fire, which can lead you into a state of anesthesia or being trapped under ice (and the miners will have to pull your teeth with fuel to revive you until you sleep) if you pass, the fixxxer will welcome you and declare You Are Evil, otherwise you'll be Unforgiven three consecutive times. The metal may be blackened as it ends its half-life, or while the Garage Days are on. Many miners are encouraged to mine during storms as they might get a once in a lifetime chance to ride the lightning as lightning is attracted to this element. Later stages, which are not yet know, could cause death of a magnetic kind causing you to live as you die and/or return to the first four stages. Though it is highly popular and gives justice for all, it is not legal in most parts of the world, with the punishment being unforgiven three times. Most users of this element have ended up in a San Quentin sanatorium as the thing that should not be or as a hero who was disposed. Due it being a highly dangerous substance to handle, it is now only developed at Damage Incorporated. So simply put, it ain't my bitch anymore, but it is not the end of the line for this element. Sometimes it is used as a replacement for Cyanide, at least that's what Mama said. If bought at the local pharmacy as a Cure, it comes with a great label saying 'Don't Tread on me'.. Over exposure to this element is dangerous (especially on dyers eve days). People over Exposing themselves may find a Struggle Within. Over exposure to this gave Kirk Hamster his PENTATONIC WAH WAH SEIZURES SYNDROME ...


Creates bleeding ears with high pitch squeal at loud volumes and the drunken blur of a drunken blur can be heard beneath the squeals. Is believed to be be responsible for the Vulgar Southern Trendkill and Reinventing The Cowboys From Hell, as well as being the responsible of multiple Floods. Some states such as Texas have some extreme fans, and after extreme exposure they will force you to take a Walk Five Minutes Alone. That would be as This Love is Becoming Far Beyond Driven, its Domination is, Where You Come From that is, making you Fucking Hostile against everything around you. This War Nerve will Cast your Shadow, and leave you Broken, declaring war on everything that isn’t Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey. People usually think that you're By Demons Being Driven on this stage. This Mouth for War is altered with a Primal Concrete Sledge’s bang on your head. To some victims, this Clash With Reality results in a Psycho Holiday on Planet Caravan, leaving you alone with your Shattered mind. Eventually makes you Immortally Insane. But once you come back, when everyone presumed you're already beyond the Cemetery Gates, you will Rise, and achieve Strength Beyond Strength. But You’ve really Gotta Belong To It or it Makes Them Disappear. Once your Tennessee Whiskey usage exceeds 25 Years, after your Goddamn Electric life your last sound made will be a sinister Death Rattle. Some inexperienced victims have even left One or Two Suicide Notes after their death. After its half life ends, Nu Metallium forms.


Megadethium, first discovered in the Bay Area Thrash Mine, is formed from decaying Metallicanium in its early stages and is known for its high concentration of Amerikhastan, a compound used in many high-Risk surgeries to stabilise patients. This procedure is often very safe, though it can lead to the patient being Youthanised and Rusting in Peace, as a Punishment Due to not having enough control of this element. Professor Dave M. Stayne, known for his position as the conductor for the Symphony of Destruction and Architectural knowledge of Aggression used this to make a corrosive acid called Leper Messiah-sulfite, though when Metallicanium is added to the mix it cancels this out. Pure Megadethium can be dated Back in the Day (Usually on Good Mournings) when it was used as Cryptic Warnings for a Countdown to Extinction and many theologists believe the extinction was caused by sweating bullets, confirming The System Had Failed. After being heavily studied in a remote Hanger named "18", the United Abominations declared this as class "A" thrashium compound and is now heavily sought after in many nations (See the United Abominations French Declaration on Megadethium "À Tout Le Monde"). Note: The Risk is no longer mentioned, with the advice give to Crush all those that do mention it as if they are the prince of darkness, and it should only be used on a black Friday. It has the curious property of making users Sweat Bullets. Osama Bin Laden famously said: In my darkest hour Megadethium made me very Paranoid of the Dawn Patrol. Rumored to be kept by the Government in the legendary Hangar 18, it is the active ingredient in Youthanasia, a product designed to make you younger. Synthetic "Megadethium" is made up of only Davimustardium, and Dialectic Chaos. The leader of the New World Order, Decided that Mustanium, the Synthetic version of Mustardium, Could not "Believe in god" could not Talk to god every day, and this day they would not Fight. The endgame was near, all miners were forced to go to Detention and could not use their cell phones. Deep in A Secret Place in Hangar 18, it was found That "Peace" does actually sell, but no one invests in it. Megadethium can be ground up and used as tea, but your "Life Goes by so quickly". One day you're there, and another yer' gone.


A heavy metal only found in Brazil on Chaos A.D., discovered Beneath the Remains by extremely good lyricist Max Cavalera. Known to be extremely deadly in its first four stages. After it reaches its Roots it is completely useless. Often causes Schizophrenia and Morbid Visions. If children are exposed, it causes them to Refuse food and Resist their parents. It could also cause the obliteration of mankind and the destruction of the inner self.

Machine Headium[edit]

A very durable metal, this particular element was pronounced of low utility in the early nineties, shortly after its first discovery. Scientists have recently rediscovered this metal, however, it cannot be destroyed as The More Things Change. Exposure to this metal could cause violent, "mosh"-like seizures which often lead to a violent bleeding nose. According to scientists, this element has the power of Blackening the Skies Through the Ashes of Empires; And massive exposure to it can create a Supercharger that introduces any person who is considered as sane into "The Burning Red" a mental disease that turns typical nerds into complete Bad Asses. This disease also has the capability of making weak people (and Disney fans) scream "Burn My Eyes!!!!" repeatedly while they groan in pain. Also known to cause locusts to come flying out of the mouth.


A mystical metal created by Lord Byron Roberts composed of power and black metal, a combination others thought too dangerous. Byron first unleashed its power when the black moon brooded over Lemuria, the same time that Starfire was burning upon the ice-veiled throne of Ultima-Thule. He used its awesome power to enthrone himself in the temple of the Serpent Kings, summon the guardians of the astral gate, dethrone the Witch Queen of Mytos K'unn, Storm the Cyclopean Gates of Byzantium, and other countless weird-ass endeavours. This metal has never been duplicated before except for one failed attempt that resulted in the creation of Cradle of Filthium.


A compound of Black and Death metallium. Created by an ancient god named Nergal who starts storms near the baltic. Sick of chanting pandemonic incantations however, Nergal fused this substance to make it more appealing to Satanica. The result started a Decade of Therion and an antichristian phenomenon. Demigods have used this substance to make slaves serve martinis, sculpt the throne of seth, and conquer all. Lately, the gods of the left handed have used the substance to slay the prophets of Isa (what ever the fuck that is). Following the reign of Shemshu-Hor, an Evangelin came to spread the words of Daimonos and create the seed ov I from fire and the void.


This is a compound of Power and Death metallium created by a mad Finnish scientist named Jari Mäenpää. Its first and so far only phase can give you winter madness and feelings of sadness and hate. Its second phase will be revealed when Time allows it. Until then, Jari hid this substance beyond the dark sun.

Doomus Oxide[edit]

One of the slowest and heaviest of the metals, it will often cause Pentagrams to be hung at a Candlemass, often times in a a dark and gloomy Cathedral. It is particularly powerful if the Candlemass falls on a Sabbath, in which case users will become Bewitched in Solitude. Abuse of it during the October Tide can induce a state of Katatonia in which the user thinks they are the Witchfinder General. Related to N.I.B., very few scientists have chosen to experiment with this matter or unleash its sludge-like base to many. Those who have been affected by Doomium Oxide will often find themselves attracted to marijuana or any other psychedelic drugs and end up attempting to Swallow The Sun. It also causes the user to become addicted to the Red Lottery. In the end, the user will ultimately wind up in a state of Solitude Aeturnus within Paradise Lost.

Funeral Doom[edit]

A person overdosing and dying while on Doomus Oxide often becomes reanimated at their Funeral, but defies Rigor Sardonicous causing the Mournful Congregation to become Evoken with Skepticism. If this happens during the Fall of Every Season, this will cause a war of Doom Vs. the Tyranny of the church.

Thrash metallium[edit]

Very unstable. It is the raw form of Metallicanium and Megadethium. Capable of spreading Anthrax over thousands of miles and slaying enemies with great efficiency. It was also once rumored that in biblical times, they used this metal Exodus to bring forth the testament. Prolonged exposure may kreate overkill, or result in vio-lence. Thrash metallium found wide usage in the Eighties when stores of purified heavy metal were converted into hair metallium and thrash metallium. These stores experienced destruction in the mid '90s, though remnants of them can still be found in abandoned mosh pits. Thrash metallium can cause somebody to develop Evile disease and bow to the Thrasher.


Extremely Dangerous. Forms during a season in the abyss, somewhere south of heaven. You can know Slayerium is available when the sky is full of Raining Blood. and if you died by this before blood is raining, it can be used while Postmortem, too. Causes subject to become bald and gain markings on their exposed skull, believe God Hates us All, Await for Hell (or vice-versa), Haunting the Chapels, summoning the Angel of Death, Suicide as a Mandatory, Paint the World Blood, using at Chemcal Warfare as a chemical weapon while Fight Till Death, committing Jihads and having the Eyes of the Insane,spirit in black, making Dead Skin Mask, Slayerium is is considered as an EXTREMELY dangerous element, and Thrash Metal erudites call this element as the Aggressive Perfector and the War Ensemble of the Thrash Metal Isotopes. You can only handle it if you have Bloodlines, Showing No Mercy to do it or if you can assure a Divine Intervention in order to control it; if not, you will Die By The Sword and suffer Psychopathy Red for the your Final Six years. It will leave you Scarstruck and crush you Piece by Piece. Catholic Church and other Christian Religions have strongly forbidden the use of this element, even when one of their its first discoverers has claimed to be Catholic. Apart from the aforementioned reactions, overusage can cause subject to grow extra faces, to be exact, Seven Faces. Some rare cases has also developed a habit of playing with dolls and enjoying public display of dismemberment. Usage is considered 'Criminally Insane'. it is well known for very reactive with the Exodusium.


Created in San Francisco, an area known for synthesis of metals, Exodusium became bonded by blood in the 1980s when Paul Baloff's piranha farm became contaminated with deathamphetamines. Use of this will cause a fabulous disaster, and if added as a vehicle fuel will lead to an imminent impact. It is used to make shovel headed kill machines for the coming riot act. If you don't get up off your ass and toxic waltz, Gary Holt will teach you a lesson in violence you won't soon forget.


Formed in Oakland, right across where Exodusium was formed, Testamentium is known for establishing new orders and enabling people to practice what they preach. Its presence is low and demonic, and in large quantities is known to turn your soul black. This element is one of the many signs of chaos. Also...there is more than meets the eye to this element..... Do not resuscitate anyone who overingests this element.


This ironbound element feels like fire. Inhaling the said fire will cause parts of the element to take over your body. Once under the influence, several years of decay will follow, where the victim is most likely to only hear black. This condition can only be treated by bloodletting or drinking necroshine (some kind of moonshine). Used by the killing kind to kill on command, cause a power surge, and rot things to the core.

Nuclear Assaultium[edit]

A harsher form of Anthraxium, Nuclear Assaultium will lead to brain death, third world genocide, and the plague. It will make any working machine become out of order, and, in case of overdose, will be difficult to survive, which is why this element should be Handled With Care. if you don't Handled it With Care, Critical Mass will be achieved, makes the world unfit for life and the ruins will be all that's left, so The Earth will be giant tomb. Well, I think we need another race to rape.


This element, created in Germany along with closely related elements Destructionium and Sodomium, will lead to endless pain and a pleasure to kill. One of the terrible certainties of Kreatorium includes Extreme Aggression, and hordes of chaos created by enemies of god. The 6th-9th stages of Kreatorium are known to make ears bleed, but at the 10th it resumes with its thrash metallium properties. This substance has a toxic trace and prolonged exposure to large groups of people will start a Violent revolution, which will inexorably bring on pandemonium.


This element is commonly used by the antichrist as a device to crack brains, and the inventor of evil as a tool for eternal devastation and infernal overkill. After used in a metal discharge, Satan will release from agony, all hell will break loose and devolution will begin.


Sodomium was discovered in Enchanted Land during Nuclear Winter. Sodomium is popular in its use in M-16s, Agent Orange and for Tapping the Vein. Is known to cause symptoms of Persecution Mania, it is one of the Final Signs of Evil. Is known for its attraction to gasmasks, chainguns and chainsaws, users of it believe the Saw is the Law. This metallium will make you Obsessed by Cruelty, will unleash an Outbreak of Evil, Masquerade in Blood and make users will feel like they're Better Off Dead if left unchecked. It might also lead to multiple Visual Buggeries, Spiritual Demises or Ressurection, in some rare cases it might lead to Cowardice. Some users of this element might have Bullet In The Head, being Skinned Alive or look for their Body Parts thrown everywhere around (especially after Minejumping). They might also find themselves Among the Weirdcong and used as Cannon Fodder. Some of them will not survive Baptism Of Fire, the rest will become Marines, fall on the Fields Of Honour and being Remembered as The Fallen. Anyways, they will end their lives In War And Pieces. Sometimes they might Reincarnate as Blasphemer or The Crippler.



Dark Angelium[edit]

This particular vendetta element came falling from the sky and descended into darkness. When it arrived, it burned sodom leaving all the people residing in the city to perish in flames in a very merciless death. It left scars of psychosexuality and an ancient inherited shame that time can't heal. Dark Angelium is highly reactive when exposed to children and thus causes the death of innocence, in which they are never to rise again (and no one answers). This element has also been known to cause hunger to the undead through promise of agony that is older than time itself. With this particularly violent element you can bet that death is certain, life is not. Even Hell is on its knees when exposed to this element because it can guarantee you no tomorrow at all.

Stormtroopers of Deathium[edit]

A harsher form of Anthraxium, just like Nuclear Assaultium, It's a very crossoveric thrash metallium. And also known as a SoDium, don't confuse with the Sodomium. it is the most 'Pax Americanatic' element with some racism. In fact, the main purpose of this element is pissing people off. Well, you can use it as someone who can't speak english like you make Speak English or Die, or become Bigger Than The Devil, Whipping somebody's Pussy, Fuck the Middle East.

Sabbatium (English Isotope)[edit]

Though not as abundant as the Japanese isotope, it's just as potent and available in more parts of the world. Thought to have the ability of clairvoyance, due to it's handlers being able to see the reflections of our yesterdays as well as a history of a time to come. This metal loses most of its potency when mourning has broken.


Invented by a group of Canadian junkies. Is made for killing technology in order to inflict war and pain and make its users RRROOOAAARRR. People with nothing for a face acquired this element and used it to enter Dimension Hatros to talk with angel rats at the outer limits. This metal was temporarily stolen by Negatron who traveled with it to Phobos. It was quickly recovered and the gasmask revival began.


Originally swallowed in black, this is a very disgusting in-your-face type of violent metal that is always certain about death. May cause DTP (Death to Posers) through chemical exposure. It is known that it can man infest itself into disguising as illusions of images from potential abusers wanting to torture (for the wrong reasons).


Known to cause slaughters in the vatican if handled by a desecrator who likes to get rude. The law has recently banned the use of Exhorderium because it is known to cause many souls to be unforgiven and thus they become un-born again after realizing the truth about who is the cross. Can be a cadence of the dirge when brought to funerals and empowering during the tragic periods of anal lust. Known to have caused death in vain to the entire legions of death. When handling Exhorderium, avoid exposure to Panteraium because Panteraium is Exhorderium-magnetic and thus it can suck out Exhorderium's life energy (also can make the sucked Exhorderium cause incontinence to the next handler), totally claiming to be an element it is not (aka artificial Exhorderium).


Created by the Victims of Deception. Originally intended to Opiate the Masses. However, after the Evolution of Chaos, this metal was used to make Arrows of Agony for the Dying Season and Goblin's Blades. Users of this metallium usually leave No Stone Unturned. They also believe that Mercy Is No Virtue. you can Kill the King when a rainbow is arose, too.

Dirty Rotten Imbecilum[edit]

aka DRIUM. if you're confusing it with the drum, you're so useless dumbass. it was discovered at Huston, and the first crossoveric thrash metallium that ever discovered, although it wasn't well known to people. Main purpose is Crossover Hardcore Punkium and Thrash Metallium, and it can be making L.P. Dirty and Rotten, or Dealing with something, and collect these elements to using them as 4 of a Kind, or make anywhere as a Thrash Zone (with kicking posers asses), Definition something, and get to somewhere with the Full Speed Ahead. You can also use it while Thrash Hard, let Acid Rain falling, planning a Five Year Plan, accomplish Violent Pacification, when need to become a Suit and Tie Guy, escape from the Beneath the Wheel, or Abduct some kids, and get to Underneath the Surface.

GWAR Oxide[edit]

GWAR is weird element found Beyond Hell and This Toilet Earth. Users of this element must be very careful as It Kills Everything. It is popular for its use in multiple War Parties, Stalin's Organs and Happy Death Days. Mixed with Pepperoni and Ham On The Bone it makes Meat Sandwiches.

Industrial Metallium[edit]

Discovered in Germany by radiologist Till Lindemann. More stable than thrashium, but not by much. It is the cornerstone of the ministry, who use it to create weapons of mass distraction deep within the Fear Factory. It was widely distributed by the 1000 homo djs during the 90s, and can cause the user to develop nine inch nails. If used extensively, the user turns into a form of subhuman called a white zombie, which creates hallucinations of Dragulas and Black Sunshine, and causes them to randomly thunderkiss 65 people.


A very combustible element found after an awesome plane crash, just touching this orange offshoot of industrial metallium causes you to catch on fire and speak German, then die while being sodomised by angry shirtless men, who do indeed Ohne Dich. It might also cause you to scream, "here comes the sun!". Famous for making Mein Teil edible, it makes drunk German men forget that they are German and make them scream at their wives, girlfriends, and/or bitches: TE QUIERO PUTA.

Blaze Baylium[edit]

This metal cannot be destroyed, however it does tend to swell up during the later stages of its life. It also gets stronger as it grows older if left out of contact with most other metals. However, it must not be mixed with Iron Maidenium otherwise an extreme reaction will take place and this may result in a loss of popularity. Side effects include fits of rage during live shows.

Nine Inch Nailium[edit]

A very fragile metal, it is usually found Ripe (With Decay) and Broken in A Warm Place, although somewhat Closer to Right Where It Belongs than may be expected. In the earliest history, it is used to manufacture a Pretty Hate Machine, but that was a Sin and a Terrible Lie, because it was Sanctified and Some Thing I Can Never Have. This resulted in Head Like A Hole. The Only Time my Ringfinger was Down In It, it started to produce the Purest Feeling, Kinda I want to, but That's What I Get. Then it enters The Downwards Spiral, I Do Not Want This but Piggy has committed Heresy and became Mr. Self-Destruct. The Becoming spawned Big Man With A Gun on the March of the Pigs. At this state it can be used as an Eraser equivalent to a Reptile and a Ruiner. Skin Contact would Burn and Hurt, likely hurting Johnny Cash as well. At The Fragile state, usually The Day The World Went Away, it becomes Somewhat Damaged. This state is also known as The Frail or The Wretched. The Pilgrimage reaches Even Deeper Into The Void in The Great Below. Where is Everybody? We're In This Together, Just Like You Imagined. Underneath it all, The Mark Has Been Made. The Big Come Down was created by Starfuckers Inc with many Complications. The Way Out Is Through, Please. No You Don't, La Mer, because I'm Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally.


Exposure to this metal will make you succeed by sucking eggs. Originally developed when a nerdy tall guy joined a bunch of retarded new wave fans and added a bit of punk rock. Then the punkass fool Cuban leader brought in some metal and progressively took more and more drugs. Ministrium is sometimes sprinkled on cooked filth pigs, and traces of ministrium can be found on dark sides of spoons.

Extremilium Metalium beyond the forumer Iron curtain[edit]

A heavy metalogoist needs to head East into Eastern Europe (i.e. Poland, Russia or wherever beyond the former Iron curtain) for this one rare element of metal. The fans there appear very loyal (Stalinist), more rowdy (like an overcrowded gulag of rebellious dissenters) and the sound of heavy metal is quite HARDCORE in the frozen steppes, tundras or taigas of "mother" Russia. It involves more alcohol consumption, a rugged Slavic identity to make the Norse look like wusses and closer related to Metallica with a touch of death and black metal genres.

New Wave of British Heavy Metallium[edit]

Deep Purple in colour. Discovered at night by a Saxon on a Saturday, in jolly ol' England. Iron Maidenium, Diamond Headium, Cloven Hoofium, Angel Witchium, Atomic Massium/Def Leppardium, and about 400+ more submetals derive from this form.

Atomic Massium/Def Leppardium[edit]

A form of metal which can cause Pyromania and Hysteria, leaving you High 'n' Dry On Through The Night, or just deaf, as displayed since the Overture of this metal's existence. The majority of its users are 40 year olds in their wig mullets to cover up the fact they can't grow back much hair. 40 year olds are attempting to bring back glam metallium along with this metal.

If it isn't is heard, It Could Be You to have such side effects as Answering To Your Master, Getting Your Rocks Off while Wasted, Sorrow with A Woman, Bringing On A Heartattack after fucking your Lady Strage, can get you runnin' before being a victim of Another Hit And Run, turning onto Switch 666, getting your Photograph taken by a Foolin' retard, Coming Under Fire after giving little Billy his free gun, an amputation of the left arm, exposure to lots of pretty Women, blasting off with your boring influential grandparents in a Satellite Rocket, turning into an Animal (you can't be charged with beastiality even when you fuck a dog or kitty), Fracturing Love, Missing your lover in a Heartattack, singing a Song in the Desert, making lotsa Action but Not Words, and/or Excitable amounts of sugar to be poured.

Known to destroy Diocyte on contact by hiring Vivian Campbell. Is heavy before turning soft and light and poppish after lacking Adrenalized exposure to White Lightning, or being exposed to a substance known as MTV, also known as My Tall Vagina, or even an ounce of Love Bites. When it comes down to this level, it's best to either just Let It Go with the Rock Brigade, but still Rock Rock Til' You Drop Two Steps Behind at the Rock of Ages, or When The Walls Come Tumbling Down, just say...

No, NO, no! No, NO, no! I said, No, No.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo..........oooo.....OOOOO....!!!!!

It Don't Matter if you try to be cool with this metal. Nobody cares about this metal that much, unless they too are 80s. Don't even try to Slang with me, or I'll expose you listen to Iron Maidenium. Don't even make any Promises, either. Else you'll have to Work It Out with all the Bad Actresses in the Sparkle Lounge. Go, just GO, if you dare. I hope you don't Hallucinate from the pretty shine of this metal.

Cloven Hoofium[edit]

The most unclean and filthy metal of all the metals. Discovered in 1979 inside The Gates of Gehenna by physician Dr. Li Pane, who also realized that this metal was strongly associated with the four elements (Earth, Water, Air & Fire) of Earth. After its Opening Ritual, a whip was cracked by a Sentinel in the Starship, who only wanted to Lay Down The Law by being morbidly exposed to this metal Back In The USA. Can lure plenty of Nightstalkers into the March of The Damned after the Return of The Passover.

A Daughter of Darkness who was Raised on Rock unleashed the Eye of The Sun and destroyed heavy metal-using men of steel, leaving only a quarter of this metal left behind to look for other shards of metal to unite with. After a scientist found this metal and along with the split up parts of Tredegarium, he combined them all together and thus Cloven Hoofium became an even more precious metal to admire.

When a Dominator arrived to take over the Nova Battlestar and track down all of the Warriors of The Wastelands and Fugitives crossing the Road of Eagles, Russ Northium was Rising Up to merge with this metal after Fighting Back against The Invaders Reaching For The Sky. 1001 Nights ago, a Highlander was honored a Forgotten Hero in the Death Valley for using this metal against an Astral Rider who knew the Silver Surfer. In this Mad, Mad World, a Mistress used and abused this metal for her own means of power, but the metal was not able to fulfill all of her wishes, that she split up the metal again.

Decades later, it was rediscovered by Dr. Li Pane, who believed that he could rebuild the metal by trying out various shards from other metals. However, it was harder than expected;sometimes one metal shard meant complete uselessness throughout the whole metal. A hiker was said to have found Russ Northium and Jon Brownium up on the hills and brought them over to Dr. Li Pane to return the uniqueness to the metal, and it was a success to repair the metal.

Hair Metallium[edit]

A common substance in L.A. in the 1980s. Found by flamboyant chemist Gene Simmons, using his tongue of doom to coax it out of a hole. An extremely hot metal, and an aphrodisiac so comically potent that women have been known to administer oral sex after merely looking at the damn thing. Unlike other forms of metal, this one draws (or drew) quality women, and lots of them, coming in motley crews carrying guns and roses. And they made love all day long, just to be left in skid rows later surrounded by ratts.

Mötley Crüeium[edit]

An element found in hair, typically in Girls, Girls, Girls. First discovered in during the Generation 'Swine', this element is used in heart surgery, usually to provide some kind of 'kickstart'. Dr. Feelgood has been a strong supporter of this element, repeatedly stating "You're All I Need". Apart from surgery, this can also be used as a recreational drug, making the subject feel numb, but at the same time, somehow, 'Welcome' to the Numb. Typically smoked in a masculine environment, overdoses can lead to subjects dying, only to come back to life later. While dead, subjects will Shout at the Devil. Traces of this element found on Planet Boom, as recounted in Heroin Diaries. IF used past its prime however, it will cause weight gain and Hepatitis. One can obtain this in large amounts by praying to the Saints of Los Angeles. Famously used by the hottest models, as this causes them to have the looks that kills. Also found in suprisingly huge amounts in the wild side. Despite its look Good qualities it can't make people fall in Love as it is Too Fast for Love. Heavy users will wake up in a Theatre of Pain with a New Tattoo that can only be removed by Dr. Feelgood.


A rare shiny metal which should be avoided by emos (see pussies). It releases a strong gas (primarily from the large quantities of hair spray) which when inhaled can send humans 'Round and Round'. Originally discovered in 1976, it quickly oxidised. The gas emitted also happens to be addictive and will often confuse humans into going 'Back for More'. Due to being such risky metal, an unauthorized owner once reported can become a 'Wanted Man'. Although Scientific evidence has not proven this metal to be dangerous to health, a once regular inhaler of the gas was found 'The Morning After' screaming 'I'm Insane'. The man however was not convicted due to a 'Lack in Communication' down at the 'Scene of the Crime'. In 1983, a male who turned in his girlfriend, a regular user at the time claimed at the station he could not leave as 'She Wants Money'. Later he confessed that she had been a 'Sweet Cheater'. In 1985, after Scientists invaded the privacy of some regular users, they concluded that all RATTium users should 'Lay it Down'. It was later stated in a popular issue of Poison magazine by Dr. Michaels that it was 'Dangerous but Worth the Risk'. It is what the makes the World go Round and Round according to the Gold Child. Unfortunatley it makes you single which causes your body to react by growing a tattoo that reads 'I want a Woman'. It makes good cars, but remember no one rides for free.


Exactly what it is. One ounce contains about 99.9% of intoxication to your eyes and ears. But if you are able to survive it, you may turn into a flamboyant man with poofy hair. All the AIDS-infected girls will truly talk dirty to you this time and demand some action from you tonight because they want nothing but a good time, is all.

Nu Metallium[edit]

A highly variable metal with the shortest half-life of all the heavy metals. First discovered in the middle of the 1990s it was reported to taste like KORN. This discovery set off a rush to find new sources of this exotic metal, sadly for many years the only other source was Limp Bizkits. Nu Metallium in Bizkit form was highly toxic and was reported to have stank of Hooba. In 2001 new sources of good quality Nu Metallium were discovered by Dr Bennoda in Likin Park. This form of Nu Metallium was found in P.O.Ds and had the ability to leave anything in its path Staind with Evanescence a strangely beautiful substance. Nu Metallium disappeared over night on the 24th of February 2004. This is believed to be because all the deposits had been Disturbed, Drowned in a Pool or tied in a Slipknot.


Having usually a dark gray tint, it is used by vikings for their faces when they're pillaging small towns off the coast of Vermont. Discovered in 2000, it quickly gave its handler The Sickness after prolonged periods of handling. Several years later Disturbium was used as a contraceptive. Why not? I mean hey if you're into that kind of thing. Some side effects of exposure are severe balding and tendency to scream like a douche. Although the douche screams can be translated into pure unadulterated "the shit" if the listener possesses a third ear under his cerebellum. He shouts 2000 times repeatedly in your face. This ear is called many things but it is definitely not called Lasagna. A young girl as a little child, after touching the metal, was taken and forsaken. When playing "Stricken" on Guitar Zero III, you not only go Inside the Fire, but you become Indestructable as well. However, if you are indestructable, Ten Thousand Fists from Hell will beat you While they hold Nu-Metal.

Drowning Poolium[edit]

Having a success such as Bodies can tell how much Guantanamo Bay is more worthy to go to thanks to Drowning Poolium. They were discovered in 1995 by the late, not-so-great, Dave Williams, who was high on cocaine when he thought about it in the first place. They were considered the poor man's K.O.R.N. How they were the poor man's K.O.R.N. was never explained. They also played Sinner, which is also a decent song, but that doesn't mean a lot when it comes to playing it on Guitar Zero.


Has a vermilion color, similar to color of blood, and often takes the form of nonagrams. Can only be found by cutting the wrists of goths and chavs. Emits an extremely bad Sulfur-like stench when not handled by appropriate personnel. Continually baffles scientists with its rapid mutation and causes victims to move in the same aspect as that of a maggot. It also causes victims to inexplicably to go psychosocial, grab sticks and whack barrels for a while. This metal also causes you to spit it out. Also, before I forget, it is important to point out that it has a nine part structure. Unfortunately, due to the (sic)ness of this element, you must wear a mask if you come into contact with it. Also, Before I forget, I need to tell you that I was a Creature before I could stand. Basically, Three Nil hits with Duality, Pulsing with the Maggots until All Hope is Gone. Takes its name for a 1996 song also known as Slipknot.

System of a Downsyndromium[edit]

A stable but pressure-chaotic mix of many, slightly retarded metals. Created by Serj Tankian, Daron Malakian, Shavo Odadjian, and John Dolmayan deep in the Los Angeles underground. The metal is so powerful it bakes stars, makes rivers fly off the Earth, breaks the strongest castles, makes matthew the gosling a real goose and even makes mermaids cry. The metal usually also heats the ground it rests on to dry people's feet that stand nearby. But it is recommended for its remarkable properties of curing sanity.

Mall Metalium[edit]

A variety of Nu and Neo Metal Elements, it was created when a fashion kid in Texas (who had Paris Hilton posters in his room. And she was not naked) inhaled a great amount of Teen Spirit. After that, Aliens reported seeing the same person going every day to the mall to buy (or steal) more Teen Spirit Ultra N00B Version for Members of K.O.R.N. . Ironically enough, the kid was seeing with a K.O.R.N. deodorant shirt and a Slippednote pant. It is said that other elements of Metal react in a bad way to this elements, causing explosions and destroying buildings.

Progressive Metallium[edit]

Found recently but yet it only confuses the scientists, because a piece of Progressive Metallium begins somewhere and ends somewhere else, but it's multi-dimensional and can't be examined or measured by any Tool. "What kind of imagination asleep in some lyrical coma who's vain futile memory could have been so wrong?" comments Charlie Dominicheese , from the University of Ham and Paste, San Francisco, California. Experimenting with progressive metallium has be known to cause many unusual side effects. Known effects include, but are not limited to: extreme hair growth, high pitched voice (especially in butch looking males), feeling the need to play unfamiliar instruments, playing unfamiliar instruments for the first time during a live performance, playing instruments with the wrong body part and using unusual objects as instruments. One such victim of these side effects is Claudio Sanchez, front man of Coheed and Cambria. since his experimentation with progressive metallium he has suffered from high voice pitch and an extreme growth of hair, he went from a beautiful bald man to sporting one of the hugest known afros ever owned by a white man. Another side effect of experimenting with progressive metallium is hallucinations. Many scientists, after being exposed to this substance for extended periods of time started thinking they were in Dream Theaters, Shadow Galleries or other similar places.


A rare and very useful element, this heavy metal is known for its capacity to bond with all kinds of atoms/molecules and is the only element that attracts both electrons and protons. It was discovered in the mid 90s by Arjen Anthony Lucassen who had no Hope in life because his father thought he was a Loser. But the day he discovered Ayreonium, he started his journey in the search for Love. He exploited this strong bonding/attracting element to the max buy involving nearly 3 billion singers in his Human Equation. Unfortunately, the fast rate of reproduction in some countries prevented him from realizing his goal (which at first was gathering 7 billion singers in his project). Therefore, he decided to Ride The Comet and and become The New Migrator. In the search of a less populated planet where he could engage all the living population in his project, Lucassen left The Solar System and headed To The Quasar, but he eventually fell Into The Black Hole. There, it was just Another Time, Another Space, but lucky for him, he wasn't trapped there for too long, soon enough he found Two Gates and chose the one leading him to The Tunnel of Light and finally escaped and headed straight to Star One in the search for a toilet! After this Amazing Flight, Lucassen is taking a well deserved rest in his House On Mars and expected to be Back On Planet Earth in june 2084. He's said to be the First Man On Earth to do this One Small Step!

Dream Theatarium[edit]

Probably the rarest of all the heavy metal elements, its a mix of heavy metal isotopes, with other complex elements and complicated substances and its electrons are always in constant motion. Ancient Prog Mythology claims Dream Theatarium was forged Beyond This Life (That means, the Afterlife) by the Ones who Helped to Set the Sun in a Dark Eternal Night; aided by the Prophets of War using a Killing Hand to Honor Thy Father. In history, it was founded Biaxident by a Swiss oiling company in Antarctica due to collecting Images & Words, the element soon dispersed and killed everyone who was Awake in the area. It became a very exotic mineral in the renaissance, when The Count of Tuscany built his castle walls entirely of this material. As These Walls were very strong an rare, he then proceeded To Live Forever. If exposure to this element is too long, sensory loss and damage will occur for the average mortal, followed by Death, (not to be confused with Deathium). People who survive are often found completely speechless, in an Inner Turbulence classified as Six Degrees on the Systematic Chaos metric system. In some cases, patients have been affected with erotomania, becoming attracted to a public figure from the Metropolis, who happens to live Under a Glass Moon, some others cannot take Another Day and beg "Take Away my Pain". The people ask for an instant Change of Seasons. Many scientists have come to believe the element created itself out of nothing, Falling into Infinity and violating all laws of physics and thermodynamics. The media were quick to name it The Root of All Evil. The Great Debate nowadays is between Disappearing all of it from the Earth, or to Forsake it in a Glass Prison. Excepticals state that they are Losing Time: to isolate it would cause the walls to Wither and become a useless Shattered Fortress; and it cannot be disappeared, since some scientists follow their Blind Faith and assure that The Answer Lies Within it. In the Name of God, this is The Test that Stumped them All!! Presidents try to calm down the multitude saying that "it's Only a Matter of Time before the researchers accomplish their Endless Sacrifice to neutralize it. Please, don't let us be Misunderstood...". Dream Theatarium can be found under Peruvian Skies, and they seem to be more available in the early morning, at 6:00, to be precise. A New Millennium's Eve seems to be The Best Of Times to collect this rare isotope. Misuse of this isotope may result in panic attacks eventually leading to fatal tragedy, or may cause the user to become trapped inside the Octavarium.


Seattle based (Gimmie my starbucks coffee) progressive metal band, well known for their unintelligent lyrics (Suite Sister Mary from the Holiday Inn) and their general disinterest in anything having to do with music. In the early days, they dressed gay and made fun of the Roman Empire. Their early songs consisted of hits such as, "Queen of the Dykes", "Screaming in front of a Digital TV", and "Gonna get close to your boobs".

Operation Bartcrime

Then Operation Bartcrime came out and caused a frenzy with all the Simpson Metal Heads. They took the nation by storm with such Neo Nazi hits as: "Operation Bartcrime", "Spreading the disease (because I can)", "I don't believe in jugs" and the smash metal hit "Eye's of a strangler". With a dwindling fan base, Queensryche decided to take a different direction in music and join forces with Empire Carpets to write the theme song for the Neo-Nazi lesbian "carpet munching" group. That is where Geoff met Susan. As the years moved on, Geoff Tateryche's voice decided to move south (with the rest of the people from Seattle) and in April of 2012, the other members of Queensryche tried to overthrow the dictatorship of TATERyche's (Susan Tate (Neo-Nazi lesbian)) and Geoff Tate (so pussy whipped by Susan that he shaved his head and thought it was his balls).

Symphonyum "X"[edit]

Also one of the unique metals on this Universe, its appearance presents different Shades Of Grey; experts on the subject soon achieved to discover that it came upon a meteor rock from The Edge Of Forever, and that the collision left a crater alike to the Occulus Ex Inferni. The atmosphere after was blurry and dusty, historians say that you could only see a smoky masquerade of Sins and Shadows. NASA researchers were afraid that this could be an alien attempt of our Domination, of which the first manouver would be to Set The World On Fire. Some other recent researching have provided new facts about the symptoms, which make exposed ones to go Into The Dementia, the Absence of Light stimulation on the eyes, develop Damnation Games and some hospitals stated that those on the terminal stage claimed to feel like if being on the Breath Of Poseidon. A Lesson Before Dying: you might experience extremely violent Awakenings, and nightmares about the world led to an Inferno, and screaming in the middle of the night that we all live on a Paradise Lost. Due to the lack of an authentic and effective antidote, CERN, CIA and NASA scientists are already working on what they call their Accolade: the construction of the biggest space-craft ever, along with its launching station, referred to as the Church Of The Machine, in order to begin an extremely brave Odyssey towards the space, make the Sacrifice to cross the Savage Curtain on the Oort's Cloud to track down this metal's home planet. Once there, they will follow Professor Hawking's Premonition, and if they succeed, they will find a Rediscovery to contra-arrest the effects and retrieve the Relic home.


Toolium is strictly not Progressive Metallium in any way at all. Visual or physical contact with this metal will instantaneously surge the victim with an LSD-like hallucinatory trip, that will make you shit the bed. Goddamn. Wicked bass solo will ensue. This metal, when melted, is known to be exceedingly vicarious.


This element has always been related to mysticism, due to its usage as an ingredient on The Grand Conjuration. Discovered by Professor Michael Hackerfield (aka The Moor) on a Watershed, Still Day Beneath the Sun, this Isotope is a creator of paranormal events, like The Baying of the Hounds, the Godhead's Lament, a Moonlapse Vertigo, or constant Hours of Wealth. It is a mixture of very rigid Heavy Metal, Death Metal and very smooth Liquid Metal, like mercury but waaay metaller. Users often have a Burdened, Porcelain Heart and hallucinate a Leper Affinity after its Deliverance, believing they are seeing the face of Melinda, and therefore starting to sing Ghost Reveries guided By The Pain they See in Others, just To Bid them Farewell. This is, of course, a Damnation, that will make their owners Benighted and fall upon Their Arms (Your Hearse). On this cases, The Twilight is their Robe in Their Time of Need, and it is the perfect element To Rid the Disease. Users are often found in a Serenity Painted Death when exposed to overuse. Natural occurrences of the substance have been found in Blackwater Park, Sweden, in a form of Orchid known as Black Rose Immortal. The plants commonly grow on the Morningrise, specifically Under the Weeping Moon during the April Ethereal, and are Harvested during the local festival, Dirge for November.


This metal was once commonly found on the slopes of Blood mountain by colonies of birchmen, until one day its sheer power cracked the skye, sending it into the sea where it was devoured by a white whale. Now it's lost in oblivion.


This metal was born out of a mix of deathish metal and grazy jazz jizz. It was deep inside the ground, under it actually, for most of the early years and the main experimentators often experimented on other elements and would leave this metal for long periods. This metal often comes in long bars and needs a lot of Focus to absord it all. The frontman in this discovery has once left the use of this metal and after studying very famous, aknowledged and revered bugs, known as The Beatles, he left this metal and worked on something more ethereal called an Aeon Spoke (Which was though as to be a weapon of mass destruction but appeared to be a harmonic and beautifull rock/diamond). The last few years, Traces In The Air led to the undigging of this metal and it has now returned to fashion to be used once again.


This metal is a strange, furry sustance that is LITERALLY forged out of space, planets, robots and the essance of Tempting Time. Rumored to be discovered by an extremist known as Tosin Abasi, who is famed for weilding not a 6-handled axe, but 7- and 8-handled axes to get the best heavy sound of metal. He often Behaved Badly while recording, producing a "Zwoooosh" sort of sound that, if slowed down 200 times, can be recognized as a jazz arpeggio on fire with its arpeggi mind distorted with beauty. Tosin Abasi often transcends time and space in moments he calls "Soraya(s)". His playind is so fresh and full of life it sometimes catapults Waves Of Babies into the crowd. Though mr. Abasi is a genius, he is never on time, often showing up on late on times such as 13/5 or 9/4.


This metal is a luminous metal mainly used in Bulbs. It is categorised as an All New Material and can often cause Insomnia if human contact is prolonged. This was discovered via a Letter Experiment with the Light, turning the patient Totla Mad. This metal was discovered by Zyglrox, a Buttersnips-addict, currently working on the theory that Icarus Lives.

Power Metallium[edit]

Power metal, also known as The Lord of the Rings metal, is a lighter, shinier isotope of the element, power metallium may by safely projected at extreme speeds and still retain its stability. Rumor has it that knights from the Eighties discovered the metal on Helloween when a knight decided it was a good idea to crawl into and squirm around the open wounds of a slain dragon while wearing full armor, which synthesized with the dragon's blood n' stuff to form power metallium. Timo Tolkki managed to harness the power of Power Metallium first. His secret has never been discovered, and to this day, remains the ultimate user of Power Metallium.

The blind guardians and men o' war were the Edguys who put the metal to good use. Hansi Kürsch, a blind guardian, is one of the most creative users, having inlaid several power metallium ingots into his vocal cords. Herman Li's guitar has a whammy bar and humbuckers made out of power metallium of unheard-of purity.

The basic Powermetallium formula is expressed via Toteman's Law:

Blind Guardianium[edit]

The Blind Guardians, some of the richest users of Powermetallium, of course have their own mines of the stuff. They discovered a new version, which they've shared with very few people. They found it while Traveling in Time with the Battalions of Fear, in which they were declared to be the Guardian's of the Blind. When the Battalions of Fear were Lost in the Twilight Hall, they turned to the soon to be heroes, and proceeded to Follow the Blind. Somewhere Far Beyond this point in the adventure, the Blind Guardians met and were taught to sing the Bard's Song, by doing so, becoming bards themselves. Hansi Kürsch, who at the time was sharing the element with André Olbrich, Thomen Stauch, and Marcus Siepen, continued to mine Blindguardianium, only being able to see it thanks to visions, from Imaginations from the Other Side, and his shiny Bright Eyes. The group then found greater deposits of it, while diving in to worlds only known to fantasy, during Nightfall in Middle Earth, they drove In to the Storm, and came out the other side When Sorrow Sang with more of the rare element. But, shortly after celebrating with A Night at the Opera, Thomen was driven mad with hunger for more Powermetallium and went on his own journeys . His departure from the Blind Guardians is often called the Harvest of Sorrow. And Then There Was Silence? No... A Twist in the Myth would occur when Frederik Ehmke was declared to be a Blind Guardian and a Bard. The Guardians still believe that This Will Never End, trusting Ehmke to help them to get more of the element in the Otherland. They've recently found many in the Sacred Worlds, and have continued their Ride in to Obsession, looking for more Blindguardianium. They are currently following the Voice in the Dark, hoping to locate new deposits At the Edge of Time.


A very short but powerful isotope, mixed with deep purpleum to create rainbows, and iommium to increase the potency of Black Sabbathium. A holy diver named Ronnie James Dio discovered it while diving off the coast of New Hampshire, when he saw a rainbow in the dark waters and decided to name it after himself. Suddenly he saw a cat in the blue coming after him. It got him straight through the heart, and as Dio was dying he merged with the metal and became the King of Rock and Roll. He went through heaven and hell and made the Devil cry. The Devil then gave him the sacred heart of the Stargazer, and to this day he is still the last in line to the throne of Power Metallium. He was still afraid of this experience but than he remember he was the Star of the Masquerade and there was no need to be afraid. Exposure will make you want to stand up and shout, kill the king and flash the devil horns. Famous source of Magica it has the awesome property of making drivers end up in strange highways. Heavy use might make you eat your heart out. Great for those lost in the woods as it just might lock up the wolves. Only metal to affect the behavior of machines, Diocyte makes computers, Planes, Cars, and toasters very Angry Machines, they are bent on Killing the Dragon and can only be stopped by the legendary Master of the Moon.

Unfortunately, Diocyte is no longer found in nature.


Artchurium is an extremely rare, obscure metal found only in Norway. Much like Astral Doorsium, it is also somewhat like Diocyte. When found fully loaded, it shoots to kill. In its reincarnation, it just follows me where I go. It is also a powerful aphrodisiac, and thus gives power to the man. This element is highly sought after by its avid fans, but others pretty much don't care.


A strong form of metal, known to be supported by The Lord. Fused together whith Symphonic Metallium and Religion, DivineFireum is an very versetile metal, and can be used in knives, spoons,(no forks),rebellion and arrowheads. Being powermetal, Divinefireum contains relativley few grunts and screams compared to death and black metallium, but quite alot compared to other power metallia.

Astral doorsium[edit]

Astral doorsium is a rare and largely unknown metal that is usually found near Scandinavia. When used correctly, the element starts to act like Diocye, allowing many to confuse it with Diocyte. Many times when it is found, it can be used as a cloudbreaker. The bride of Christ used it at her wedding with Jesus as they burned down the wheel. Many people such as Quisling started to use it for personal gain while others go use it to rock. In the end, if you abuse the element, you will go to prison for life.


A metal from Germany that makes every day Halloween. Was once used to destroy the walls of Jericho. Currently owned by the keeper of the seven keys and Mr. Torture.

The band rose from the ashes of Pink Cream 69.

Gamma Raysium[edit]

Helloweenium was sent to a power plant somewhere in space. A majestic new metallium was soon given to a planet with no world order where it would be placed in the land of the free. Said to be more powerfull than the original Helloweenium.


Arrived from the heavens, this element descended to earth on a bolt of crimson thunder. Used to write a history and legacy of kings and bestow glory to the brave. However, this metallium was stolen by renegades and hidden in the threshold of the universe.


Once, an angel fell first before time began. They became known as the wishmaster and made Nightwishium. Born from the ocean, this element is known to have a strong luster. Used to construct the dark chest of wonders filled with dark passion play. Nightwishium is easily spotted over the hills and far away while the 10th man down is dead. Nemo the fish is usually seen borned by this element.


The lightest and fastest of all the Power Metals. Often found in The Valley of the Damned they come from a mixture between Speed Metallium and Power Metallium. Best described as six members complete with a keytar standing atop a mountain, sending pterodactyls soaring into the sky with each strum of the guitar. They have been likened to a blend of Slayerium and Journeyium, with a dash of Maidenium, making this element a lethally heavy musicfest. Putting this element through fire and flames will cause Inhuman Rampage and an Ultra Beatdown.

It's behavior can be predicted to a high degree of accuracy using Totemans Law: DragonForce = DragonMass * DragonAcceleration

Finnish Power Metallium[edit]

Power Metallium has been discovered in Finland, but it tends to be slightly different. Finnish Power Metallium is quite possibly the shiniest of all metals. Most types observed tend to be isotopes of some kind of Stratovarium, but can form alloys with a surprising range of other metals. The molecular energy in these metals is fueled by some unknown, yet seemingly unlimited power, and as a result, it can move very fast. Very fast. But only if it feels like it. All the props in the Finnish opera "Sonata Arctica" were supposedly made of Finnish Power Metallium.


The original Finnish Power Metallium created by Timo Tolkki. Forged on the fright night, the metal will give you a vision of black diamonds and a future shock.

Sonata Arcticum[edit]

A Finnish Power Metallium that thinks it's Stratovarium. It's been also known as Ecliptica, the Full Moon, and Victoria's secret. Known to some people as the sole "Flower Metal."

Black Metallium[edit]

And yea, one day Good King Cronos looked out upon his Dark kingdom, pitied his Dark peasants, took a Dark bath in a tub made of pure heavy metal and, dismayed, sat down upon his Dark throne. "What a bleak, cold, miserable bathory of a day it is today!" he lamented. "This grimmest of celtic frosts will destroy us soon, if the light does not take us first." Then the king heard something move; but alas, his kingdom was so Dark that he could not see what it was that was moving. When suddenly, a blaze in the northern sky for one glorious instant illuminated the land! and he saw a hideous black snake on the ground in front of him. "Grishnackh!" he cursed. He called for his Necrobutcher; but he was out having pork chops. He reached for his Hellhammer; but Satan was fixing the head on it. In incomparable desperation, Good King Cronos spat at the snake, unaware that he had swallowed some of the heavy-metal laced water from the bathtub. At precisely the same instant, the mischievous snake spat back at the king, and the Venom in its saliva met with Good King Cronos's for one instant, and the two fused, forming a shiny, black zephyrous substance. This was the poisonous substance Black Metallium.

An unfortunate victim of TNB Metallium poisoning

Mayhem ensued across Good King Cronos's kingdom. Churches were burnt to the ground (for the sheer fun of it), Hades and Euronymous rose from the Underworld and played their guitars so loud many ended up Dead, and the peasants across the land lamented the day, dreaming of what once was. As the snake kept forming more and more trve norsk black metallium, many tried to kill it, but in vain; for the snake was immortal. And it grew and grew and grew some more, until it had become an unnatural behemoth.

That's why you don't get much news from Norway these days.

Acoustic Black Metallium[edit]

The grimmest of all metals. It was forged in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very frostbitten mountain in the center of Norway by the great Necrowizard, the keeper of all things grim and frostbitten. It is far more grim and metal than even Pure Norsk Black Metallium, because it was created by the grim and frostbitten Seth Putnam and his Ulvers. Acoustic Black Metallium can often be inverted, and is mainly used for poser extermination.


A very deep black colour metal, usually associated with this world, this is in fact a false statement as it is mainly retrieved by suicidal mainiacs who have a deathwish and are voluntered to travel bettween dimensions to obtain Gorgorothium. Gorgorothium is generally used to make rhinocerus males fight bettween the herd to create a stir at local zoos. Gorgorothium was also the apparant cause for the birth of Jesus' Mortal Opponant, the Anti-Christ.


The first black metallium ever discovered. On it was engraved "Welcome to Hell" and very Black Metallic. Some say this substance is the source of all black fucking metal. Often can give you an aroma that makes you sexually attractive to your female teachers. However, if you smell this aroma you will get Red Light Fever and your penis will eventually explode.


Said to invoke the return of the darkness and evil. Discovered by a young viking warrior named Quorthon under the sign of the black mark. He offered it to Oden who rode with it over Nordland and set the shores in flames. After Oden returned parts of the element, Quorthon rode to Asa bay to warn about the twilight of the gods. No one listened and the element was lost in time until the Destroyer of Worlds came to smear blood on ice. Quorthon made one final attempt to preach about the metal. Afterwards, he let himself be picked up by the wheel of the sun and was never seen again.


The only stable Norwegian Black Metallum. This element, born of cryptic winterstorms, is said to be the heart of winter and all things cold and grim. Possessed by a fire breathing thing called an Abbath and the sons of the northern darkness, who can hear the call of the wintermoon, this element was used to build weapons for battles in the north. In the right hands, this element has been used invoke the diabolical fullmoon mysticism and summon blizzard beasts from the mountains of might. However, if used by those damned in black, pure holocaust will begin and all shall fall.


One of the most powerful forms of Black metallium. People are afraid of its ability to cause pure fucking Armageddon. Was found buried in time and dust on the night of the freezing moon. Peoples guts have been fucked by chainsaws made of this element. People who hold this element and desire Life Eternal will be cursed in eternity. Today, a maniac made a grand declaration of war for this metallium, but was lost to a warlord named Attila.


Mixture of this element with Mayhemium will result in a gigantic explosion. After hearing some feeble screams from forests unknown, Pyro-demon Varg Vikernes created this element to document his journey to the stars. Its 5th and 6th phases become uninteresting and a poor indicator of what once was..


A man named Ihsahn was a black wizard from the Welkin. He created this element to make a cosmic key to his creations and time. This key can only be found if you travel beyond the great vast forest and face towards the pantheon in the nightside eclipse. With strength, this metal will burn, but inhaling the fumes will take you into the infinity of thoughts where it's always the witches sabbath and you will have to face the wrath of the tyrant. If shown live, this metal gains a brilliant luster.

Nokturnal Mortumium[edit]

Nokturnal Mortumium is a powerful form of Black Metallium, discovered by a Communist Christian named Knjaz Varggoth hailing from Kharkiv, Ukraine in 1995. It was discovered at Twilightfall, by reciting Lunar Poetry to a pile of severed Goat Horns travelling To the Gates of Blasphemous Fire, resulting in the NeChrist subscribing to the Weltanschauung of the Voice of Steel.

Carpathian Forestium[edit]

Possibly the most unstable form of Black Metallium, this element will cause grotesque overblown obesity if consumed in heinous quantities. Side effects also include uncontrolled return of the freezing winds ejected from an anus which has been sodomized by satan. This side effect is most undesirable when journeying through chasms, caves and titan woods to the cold moors of Svarttjern - a place with a name similar to the sounds emitted from ones already beleaguered rectum. Should this malady prove too much for your tired soul, you will then be pecked to death in a circle of ravens. As one turns blue, there is always time to perform the good old enema treatment, which only lasts approximately 01:52. This act of spiritual purification will have you donning your black shining leather in no time, all the while decrying Christian incoherent drivel and developing a morbid fascination of death. This metal is a misanthropic violent hellblast. It's darker than you think...

King Diamond[edit]

The King Diamond is the shiniest diamond on Earth. It's also blacker than the blackest night. It was formed by the mercyful fates in a mansion in sorrow on Never Ending Hill in 1777. The most evil of all metals, this element has caused black horsemen attending dangerous meetings to easily fall and break their necks, be stricken by the curse of the Pharaohs or receive a visit from the dead. At the sound of the demon bell, 18 will become 9 and everything will burn to hell. Emits a high-pitched screeching noise when nailed with seven silver spikes. Potency increases exponentially when it comes into contact with Andyla rock.


A very soluble compound, Satyriconium is a product of human decay after Eczema. It was discovered in dark medieval times on a very frosty morning in 1349 by a nemesis divina named Mother North while she walked the path of sorrow in the woods to eternity. Satyriconium is also found near Volcanos where it lingers in the air filling humans with ravenous hunger and causing them to eat black lava, a known fuel for hatred. Afterwards it becomes K.I.N.G. and the Age of Nero begins, at which point it isn't nearly as potent as it used to be. In many cases only the norsecore of the element remains.


A very radioactive metal which has the power to start blazes in the Northern Sky and make Transylvanians hungry. It was discovered on the night of the funeral moon after an eon of soulside journeying through the twilight dimension of the land of frost. Once brought back to our world, it unleashed the pagan winter. The substance had the Kathaarian Life Code inscribed in it, a code that will invoke the sardonic wrath of the Goatlord who resides in the watchtower. It used to be used by the nazis in their panzerfaust weapons to cause total death and ravishing grimness. Since then, the metal has been entombed in a Cromlech inside Neptune Towers and closely guarded by a nocturnal cult and Fenriz wolves. Known to have acquired some punk traits in later phases.

Celtic Frostium[edit]

A very valuable metal discovered in the crypts of rays. It was shown to mega therion, who responded with a necromantical scream. Has the power to return emperors after their jeweled thrones have been usurped. Was once enshrined in the circle of the tyrants, but was dropped into a cold lake and never seen again except to some monotheists who claim to have a telepathic connection with the substance. Eventually recovered and turned into Triptykonium.

Sabbatium (Japanese isotope)[edit]

One of the most abundant black metallium if people know where to find it. A japanese demon named Gezol made this element from the remnants of the Hiroshima bomb. Will envenom your children and evoke them to run to Mion's hill to dance around black fire and worship metalucifer and evilucifer. Calls upon Samurai Zombies to summon Orochi to start a Karmamassacre and general Harmageddon. Gezol also forged a Satanasword with the metal along with his own Karisma and Fetishism. If you don't get afflicted with Kanashibari, Gezol can still use the metal to send you to the dwelling where the death mask lies.

Black Gothium[edit]

Sometimes found in a pasty white colour. Often confused with Emonium Cytrate. The most common form of Black Gothium in Marilynmansonius, which if exposed to, causes the user to be a Beautiful Person. Found in volcanic formations in Iceland and Norway and in some English crack dens. An addict to the drug, who became pregnant while under a black gothium-caused stupor, said that "I feel terrified to think that I'm going to have this child in nine months, and I don't know who the father is. He must be a horrible, FILTHY man!" A rotting Christ is a common obsession to those who posses this element.


Very powerful and rare Black Metallum found mostly in Mesopotamia and in the Sacred Geometry of Burning Jerusalem. Discovered in the Epigenesis by Melechesh Ashmedi the Dead Terrorist, Melecheshium is not like any other Black Metallum and is known to never rust even when subjected to The Scribes of Kur. Ashmedi climbed up the Ladders to Sumeria and witnessed the Rebirth of the Nemesis, but the Mystics of the Pillars saved him, and then they fell. That is how Ashmedi discovered Melecheshium. If exposed to Melecheshium either the victim's face generally melts off, or the god Melechesh comes and deems the user worthy to embrace the power of the Ghouls of Nineveh.

Symphonic Metallium[edit]

Loosely related to and often found alloyed with power metal and progressive metal, Symphonic Metallium is known to megnetically attract opera singers and orchestras when electrified. It has also been reported that Symphonic Metallium repels Nu Metallium and Slipknotium at unsafe speeds, to the point that all owners of Nu Metallium and Slipknotium often evacuate their homes and get to a safe distance whenever a Symphonic Metallium owner is in the area. It is incredibly dramatic and this can lead to the input of string sections into the previously untainted metals. In stark contrast to this, however, are those addicted to it as a drug, known for their white faces, poor spelling and constant hunger. These traits were popularized in the parody film "Emperor", when the protagonist scribbled on a piece of paper: "Feuckitt mannn, i wont a bjige goddimmu borgir!" (Translation: "Fuck it man, I want a big goddamn burger.") An especially pure sample of Symphonic Metallium, discovered in Sweden, called Therionite is revered by mystics for its alleged occult properties.

Death Metallium[edit]

Considered the "heaviest" of heavy metals, it can react violently to produce both a low growling sound, and a high pitched screech, similar to black gothium, but much more grating. This metal is pure glistening black in color, and can be used to create indestructible corpsegrinders and bolt throwers. If it comes into contact with a dead body it will create a Cannibal Corpse, and instances of Deicide, Death, and Immolation have occurred. Via long and excessive grinding, the metal's atomic cores it can be refined to Grindcore, such a heavier metal that it turns in a splattering mess 4 seconds after formation due to the extreme forces of gravity and taste. Suffocation, anaal nathrakhs, and behemoth wounds are often symptoms of radiation. People have tried to mix it with Metallium Gothenburgium and Power Metallium, but this resulted in scar symmetry, a medical condition that's even more painful than it sounds. The result of the mixing, however, was discovered intact (after everyone nearby had been evacuated) and found to be surprisingly heavy. Examples of Death Metallium include Abnormalitium and Cephalic Carnagium.

Death Metallium has been mixed with thrash and black metallium several times with mixed results. Diabolical creations of this fusion include Destroyerium 666, Rigor Mortisium, and Acid Deathium.

If exposed to too much sceneium pollution, Death Metal can deteriorate into deathcore, in a process known as a 'breakdown'. During this process, a strange sound is produced. This sound is called "pig squeal" by some.

Bolt Throwerium[edit]

Said to be a manlier form of Manowarium. Several British mercenaries entered the Realm of Chaos to create this metal where in battle, there is no law. Upon completion they were hailed as warmasters by those once loyal and forged weapons with the metal for use in the IVth crusade. Though the metal has been used for victory with honour, valour, and pride, there are only sparse amounts of this metal left in existance.

Cannibal Corpsium[edit]

The most violent and used of all death metalliums, Cannibal Corpsium is used as a utensil in eating back to life, a tool in butchering at birth, and a key to the tomb of the mutilated. It leads to bloodthirst if one is bleeding in proximity of it, dormant bodies bursting from the anus when ingested, and gore obsession if a victim of the evisceration plague is near it. It was discovered in the vile gallery of suicide. Strongly used by Zombies.

Excessive use has been known to cause addiction to vaginal skin.


Formed of the blackest of black houmors Klokatellum is found by going into the water, the hors of awakened lake trolls. This dethmetalium has perfect symmetry it is infused into bloodlines. It brands gears causes rock and roll clowns to do cocaine and makes people commit mermaid-er and to be crushed by comets


Cryptopsium is used by those who have blasphemy made flesh. It leads to whisper supremacy, and then you’ll beg. Many who have seen Cryptopsy often claim after seeing it that there are none so vile (referring to other metalliums). It loses its death metallium qualities in its 6th stage.


Deathium, along with Morbid Angelium, were the first death metalliums. It is very requested and used by Philosophers, due to its Sacred Serenity, its unmistakable Sound of Perseverance, and its ancient Symbolic meaning; but its complex Individual Thought Patterns have made scientists think that this element has a Lack of Comprehension. If an average Human tries to manage this element without permission and/or A Moment of Clarity, he (or she) may be exposed to catch Leprosy, suffer a Rigor Mortis-like experience, And in the worst cases, to scream "Bloody Gore!". In that case, the victim must be attended immediately by a Death Metallium especialist in order to receive Spiritual Healing. Although highly useful in all of its stages, deathium is no longer found.


Deicidium is used in the creation of serpents of the light legions. It was often used in torture devices, which was why it was found once upon the cross. It is recommended to be used in a band playing the insineratehymn. People who bare scars of the crucifix created by deicidium will have to be tormented in hell. Those around deicidium have noticed a strong stench of redemption. The use of this element is strongly forbidden by the Catholic Church (Or any Theistic Religion). Nonetheless, it's one of the most popular Death Metalliums to Date.

Destroyerium 666[edit]

A warslut decided that violence was the prince of this world and unchained the wolves in order to find this metal. He finally found it as the phoenix was rising. In defiance to Christianity, warslut forged satan's hammer with the metal and raped some women in the spiritual wasteland, becoming the Australian Antichrist. This metal is often used as cold steel for an iron age.

Dying Fetusium[edit]

Noted for it’s association with America, Dying Fetusium is used in purification through violence, killing on adrenaline, destruction of opposition, stopping at nothing, as war spoils in wars of attrition and descending into depravity. Many changes in the chemical structure of dying fetusium have occurred, but the properties stay generally the same.

Morbid Angelium[edit]

Morbid Angelium, along with Deathium, were the first death metalliums. Morbid angelium is used in sacrifices at the altars of madness inside the chapel of ghouls. Those who take part in domination use it, and it is a key ingredient in gateways to annihilation and formulas fatal to flesh. It was used to sign the covenant called blessed are the sick. People have chanted immortal rites while holding this element only to receive visions of the darkside and damnation inside the maze of torment. The Ancient Ones originally found this element on the day of suffering after they fell from grace. They have since used the metal to build the chamber of dis, create a place for the slime to live, give rise to the God of Emptiness, and chant the Invocation of the Continual One.


Found in ancient Egypt by an archeologist named Karl Sanders amongst the catacombs of Nephren-Ka. Known to spread black seeds of vengeance across the earth and churn the maelstrom of Ramses, bringer of war. Can make your ithyphallus grow for use of masturbating the war god, annihilating the wicked and for selecting those whom the gods detest. Useful if you are lashed to the slave stick, or are trying to escape from a darkened shrine, or really need to permit the noble dead to descend to the underworld.


It's the harbinger of woe, know it for sure... It was found on the onset of putrefaction of Chernobyl, only ash remains there. When brought to Germany, a researcher suffered an accidental Stabwound with a sharpened edge of the metal, and in just Seven minutes, this poor guy started to feel ignominious and pale, condemned to spend his last few moments to breathe in a casket. The foul body autopsy revealed some horrifying truth: regardless of the host's gender, the final stage it's always the same, featuring an ogrish Intestinal Incubation (at first thought to be some kind of advanced corpse tumor), which causes a severe poisoning of the blood stream with an extreme unction of viruses, in order to weaken its host down until it kills it, and then whilst dead, it starts to feed from it (hence its name "Necrophagistium"). The doctors tried to mutilate the Stillborn One.... terrible mistake, since the creature threw them a Fermented Offal Discharge, and it took just seconds to disolve their bodies. The epitaph on all of their graves read just the same line that "They died due to a Pseudopathological Vivisection provoked by some virus which is considered Symbiotic in Theory". The anthidote is now believed to be just a myth.


As it turns out, Darth Vader's real name is Peter. Peter created this metal to start his morbid Reich and chant the ultimate incantation. He also used it to write the litany for receiving dark transmissions, to be able to see what black to the blind looks like. As heavens collided, he used the blood of kingu to finally unveil the revelation of Black Moses. Peter changed this metal to make the art that today is known as war, and he will lead us!!! until the darkest age arrives. He currently resides in the Necropolis.


The heaviest and the tr00est of all metals, Rebeldeum. Nothing more needs to be said.


A refined version of Death Metallium. Was created over in England in 1982. Incredibly hard and strong in nature, it is mainly used in the production of terrorizers, pig destroyers, and extreme noise terrors as well as the escalation of insect warfare. Misuse will result in constant breebreebreeing, heinous killings, a spate of napalm deaths, agoraphobic nosebleeds, Analrapophobias, carcasses and Staircase Abortions. Oftentimes it can cause a sore throat. The brutal truth is, you will likely regurgitate.

Napalm Deathium[edit]

No one knows for sure where this element came from, but its early phases are extremely unstable. It starts to settle down at its third state. Looking at this element can cause fear, emptiness, and despair. As time goes on, this metal grew stronger and those who supported it started a smear campaign ridiculing all metals that weren't Napalm Deathium.

Anal Cuntium[edit]

Why not try "one suicide with grindcore, get one free," with Anal Cuntium, a band that's no relation to Tourette's Guy in any way, shape, or form. In this band, you have a choice between saying that You sold your dog to a Chinese restaurant. Metal became stronger and stronger in 1988 through present due to Anal Cuntium.


This is an incredibly heavy and unstable isotope of the Grindcore metal. It was discovered back in 1987 by high-power quantum chemist Bill Steer, in an attempt to create an evil carcass army. This metal, upon formation, is so unstable that it emits an ultra-low gurgling sound and explodes, regurgitating into a scalding hot red-colored goop that continues to emit a low gurgling sound until its 24 second half-life expires. People caught within the radius of the sound way are likely to develop Cronical Diarreha and Dislocated Cerebrum. On more serious stages, the individual may even develop Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis, a disease that is basically all the evil of the world put together, and is likely to kill the individual by exploding his brain in a matter of seconds. If that happens, the body must be quickly taken to The County Medical Examiners before the disease spreads.

The aforementioned lunatic Bill Steer discovered Goregrindium along with an insane Scouser named Jeffery Dahmer...um, I mean Jeffery Walker, Ken Owen (the inventor of Custard) and a dog called Michael belonging to Prince Charles. These men were not killed by the disease Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis, but instead were posessed by the evil president of China, Pete Burns and were made to spread acts of immense attrocity through the power of music. Some retards came up with another theory that these 'friends' just made a band and actually eat food, not the decaying pancreas of corpses...Hahaha...they should write for Wikipedia.


A very slimy metal that will warp your mind and turn you into a necromaniac thus causing you to go start a slaughtercult, crush caskets, and go crazy with a chainsaw. Also used to create the matter of splatter. Keep out of reach of children.


Criminally unknown despite its undeniable contribution to Gridncore, this metal was found somewhere in the wild nature of Sweden. Those who have ever encountered this metal were reportedly blown away by its sheer brutality, dissonance and political-unfriendly aura.


This form of heavy metal is formed when the atomic "core" of pure heavy metal converges with an element known as trivium, commonly found at the time where August Burns Red in the semen of sheep belonging to weird-looking holy folk, who usually beTreyu. This element was created accidentally, when an unemployed farmer with extreme Suicidal Tendencies had made a murder-suicide pact with his Valentine; but being unemployed and consequently poor, could not afford any Bullets with which to complete the act. Seeking a Job fit for a Cowboy, he lied underOath to a local farmer to give him a funeral for a friend. To illustrate how useful he would be on the farm, he offered to manually masturbate a nearby sheep for purposes of artificial insemination and produced massive quantities of Trivium in the process. Unfortunately, the force of the Escape of the semen, unPlanned for, killed All the poor sheep (named Dillinger)that Remained, and the farmer, enraged, fired at the young boy with his Killswitch Engage (a very useful weapon by even today's standards), but missed, striking the pile of sheep semen on the ground As the sheep Lay Dying, creating a certain type of Hatebreed. As the bullets were made of pure heavy metal, so metalcorium was formed. Out of ammo, the farmer nonetheless Avenged himself by kicking the boy in the nuts Sevenfold, giving him a high-pitched, whiny voice.


Although this element is not as famous as Metalcorium, it is certainly more destructive than it, due to the lethal combination of Metalcorium and Death Metallium. It was discovered by four forensics who were investigating The Black Dahlia Murder case in The Red Shore in Whitechapel, and managed to handle the isotope well. People who can handle this element Have Wrestled with a Bear Once, can Bring The Horizon to their feet without any problem, declare that Heaven Shall Burn and can successfully do a Job for a Cowboy. And also, these Arsonists manages to Get All the Girls in the world. However, those who are too weak to manage it are condemned to suffer to see The Red Dead, a God Forbid, Divine Heresy that consists of Bleeding Through, Bleed from Within, and constantly receive Winds of Plague while listening to The Red Chord, even As They Sleep, or when seeing the Burning Skies. This constant suffering will decrease their Loathsome Faith and scream A Plea for Purging, but nothing will work and they will be forced to make a Suicide Silence. According to deathcorium specialist, Dr. Oceano Caliban, All the Despised Icon who don't know how to manage it Shall Perish. It's extremely destructive, but not quite as Death Metallium.

Metallium Gothenburgium[edit]

Discovered at the gates in the early nineties, it has gained popularity in recent years, and is fast overtaking many of its cousins as the primary active ingredient in M.O.S.H cores, a vital component of modern Nucular Weapons. It was confirmed that extreme expositions might set people in flames. This Heavy Metal is very expensive as it took years of Soilwork to get it. Has been known to put users in a state of dark tranquillity, causing severe cases of insomnium and nightrage to occur. Mixing with Black Gothium may result in disarmonia mundi, and mixture with pure black metallium is considered hypocrisy. But the most violent reactions occur when mixed with Thrash Metalium in the presence of a woman- this leads to decadence, orphan hate, and the abrupt realization of your arch enemy. The resulting energy from this, in fact, can light entire cities.

In Flamesite[edit]

(Pronounced "In-Flam-E-cite") Originally found in a sphere behind space, this metal uses a lunar strain to place the everlost upon an oaken throne. A sample of this substance was once used as the first prize for the winner of the jester race. The winner was Lord Hypnos who used the substance to forge a moonshield. He traded off parts of the substance he didn't use to the Whoracle for some "alone time" with her. The Whoracle in turn used the metal, along with Lord Hypnos's semen, to create a colony that embodies the invisible. Sick of coerced coexistence with the human world, the colony used remaining parts of the substance to build a Clayman to destroy everything on the pinball map except for satellites and astronauts. Some say there are traces of this element left, but many agree that its power was lost after the Clayman was finished being built.

Dark Tranquilium[edit]

This strong and brutal alloy was discovered in a ghost town, the terminus where death is most alive, in fact. This alloy is made by decomposing In Flamesite in its primitive state. It can also be found in The gallery of the sacred reichstag. People high of smoking Dark Tranquilium have been seen skydancing over the shore of time.


Long ago in a fractured millenium, the Norse god known as Peter Tagtgren recited an incantation from the necronomicon at Roswell 47, which transported him to the 4th dimension. While falling into the abyss, he looked and saw a fire in the sky, and from then on he knew that god is a lie and wanted his own taste of extreme divinity. The arrival of the demons resulted in him being abducted. They used a mind eraser to make him a slave to the parasites, and they used him to adjust the sun. The penetraliation of the sun created an outpouring of the new element known as Hypocrisite. Caught in a catch-22, he suddenly felt drained and began slippin away. The aliens tried to dissect him, but he didn't want to be incised before he'd ceased. He went on a warpath and took over the ship, crashing it in the valley of the damned. He took the alien leader and hung him high. Using the newfound element, he formed a new solar empire and today is well on his way to global domination.


In ancient times, on a silent night, Bodom night, three unsuspecting teenagers from Finland were murdered with a triple-corpse hammerblow from Roy The Reaper by the shores of Lake Bodom. What nobody would discover for decades was that beneath the lake was an undiscovered bed of razors. These were no ordinary razors, they were made of an alloy of Pure Black Metallium, Thrash Metallium, and Power Metallium. But as the waters of Bodom turned a shade of red as these children of bodom drew their last breaths, their blood mixed with the metal under the surface, unleashing the wrath within, and thus, Bodomite was formed. It wasn't discovered until years later, but the five Finnish kids who found it were soon infected with it, and given insane playing skills. Soon, the rest of the world was too- Bodomite is very catchy. But beware- possession of Bodomite carries a terrible curse that will make the user trashed, lost, and strungout, and feel like they're being needled 24/7.

Bodomite is one of the few Heavy Metals that cannot be cloned easily using an industrial process. Trust me, people have tried it, but not even the Finns can come up with a carbon... err, Bodomite copy. Naildownium and MorsPrincipiumEstium mark two failed experiments in that field. The latter, however, turned out to be very sticky, and one day in 2004, a scientist let it out of their sight, and the test sample just happened to fall out of the beaker. It came into contact with the fragile flesh of other, more pure samples, and absorbed them to make a hell of a badass mixture.

Mixing Bodomite with more Thrash Metallium causes cold and angsty winds to blow from the North.

Many believe that the razors used in Bodomite limit its intensity and overall vanire. They came to the conclusion that the razors had various impurities with only one substance being the main strength (known as Alexite). Nearby Lake Bodom resides a swamp from where a trident emerged from the growling depths to Dance on the Water. The trident appeared to have been fashioned in the same way as the razors but left to cool in a bog. This, ironically, left it with a cleaner look and more pretencious edges but still felt raw and muddy. This was later named "Kalmahdium". So defying of all laws of physics that it should defy the laws of grammar. However, because of its rarity it was never revealed to the public eye and thus its true benefits were never known. Its discoverer, "Tordah" was negotiating with the Swamplord to have it removed from his property but it shows no signs of Withering Away. In 2003, the Swamplord attacked Tordah With Terminal Intensity. He was admitted to hospital with cases of Cloned Insanity and Hollow Heart. After Defeat of all medical options, Tordah succumbed to Suodeth. From the police inquiry, Swamplord said his motives were "For My Nation" and "For The Revolution". Svieri Doroga has continued in place of Tordah ever since. In 2005 Swamplord was Doubtful About It All and performed a "Black Waltz" in memory of his victim.

Viking Metallium[edit]

One of many pagan gods or goddesses used in pagan heavy metal genre concerts.

First synthesized in a bar in Sweden during the 80's by Professor Quorthon of Bathory university in Tumba, it is a moderately stable metal, and equally rare. Ensiferum Metallium is the most recently discovered form, and is touted by scientists as one of the greatest breakthroughs in heavy metal in recent years. Listeners have been known to become enslaved by this metal being unleashed on their ears. Still more surprisingly, Viking Metallium has been found to bond quite effectively with Progressive Metallium, producing an exquisite alloy called Týrium.

Folk Metallium[edit]

Often considered a close chemical cousin to Viking Metallium, this form of metal was first synthesized by British scientists Martin Walkyier and Steve Ramsey. Eventually, more exotic forms of this metal came to be discovered in remote, previously unexplored territories of rural Finland. Although Folk Metallium is often found in alloys, Finntrollite and Korpiklaanium are considered to be relatively pure specimens, with Finntrollite being the heavier and less stable of the two. There is, however, a wide range of natural variation, from the very light and beautiful lumpsks of this metal found in Norway, to the very heavy and dense Swiss variety Eluveitite. In general, Folk Metallium is a dangerous substance and must be handled with the utmost care, as repeated exposure is prone to cause rapid, uncontrolled movement along with ethanol saturation in susceptible individuals. Failure to use caution while handling Folk Metallium may result in Moonsorrow.


The most common Finnish Folk Metallum. Often used in swords and magic potions. From Afar, this metal looks like a piece of boring Iron, but only if you are Lost in Despair. If you hold this metal on you when you die, you will be sent to the Heathen Throne near the Twilight Tavern where you can sing Victory Songs about the metal until The New Dawn.


The most powerful Finnish Folk Metallum. This metal was born of ice in a stream of shadows where it ravaged a land and drove it into the fire. It was later found by the stone bearer, the child of oblivion, and taken to the city of the gods.


Has a pleasant aroma unlike most metals but not unlike the waves. Often used to make mantels and weave pale folklore. Sometimes found in falling snow and ashes against the grain.


This amazing element is still a mystery to many. Some believe it's made of Fire, Wind and Wisdom, although it is highly possible that it was created by some Swiss scientist who tried to call the rain while dancing on a bloodstained ground and that his primordial breath created this element. Still, this element remains mysterious as it might come from an Otherworld but it will always remain as it never was even though inis mona.

Avant-Garde Metallium[edit]

Discovered by physicist Mike Patton. Not much known, except that it is used in the production of Fantomas. More info supposed to be found soon, as the isotope is on the brink of the future, but, by definition, will always be on the brink of the future. It is said to come from the Third Brightest Star in the Firmament via ways of an uneXpected meteor crash. A particularly prized sample of this metal has been found on the distant star Arcturus, which unfortunately went supernova in 2007, vexing physicists all over the world. Not much is known about Avant-Garde Metallium, apart from the pioneers of this are Pinkly Smooth. While there he found a body of death in the man with the body of death! He was so distraught He became obssessed with Mezmer, a magical substance jizzed out by the rev. While in rehab, The Rev discovered a pixel which he later fused to a nasal and created Nosferatu, who later created a hefty dance.


UneXpecTium, otherwise known as uneXpectium, unexpecTium, or ∞, is a rare Avant-Garde Metallium, so far only known to be found in the ChaotH between Heaven and Hell, an area so unexpected it rips holes in the space-time fabric, the contents of which fall into Quebec. Scientists believe the isotope UneXpecTium to be the cause of the French-Canadian Rift. Although this metal can be generally used to be beneficial, some potential threats are involved - such as, a case of the Shivers, strange visions of puppets, heads exploding, and the nonsensical replication of bass guitar strings. UneXpecTium has been known to completely reform its radioactivity every couple years (such as, UneXpecTium 1[Utopium] and UneXpecTium 2[In A Flesh Aquarium]. UneXpecTium is planned to reform again sometime soon. This new UneXpecTium is very mysterious, although it has been divulged that it will be very harmful to Okapis, as the official website of this isotope says.

Stoner Metallium[edit]

Completely derived from Black Sabbathium, this form of heavy metal claims to be archaic in structure, but is absolutely fucked in nature. Migraines, the shits, and anal rape are constant symptoms of it. Often copies other elements composition such as Saint Vitusium, Earthium, Sunn O)))ium (pronounced Sunium), Borisium in its early stages. Many of these elements are used as either drugs or medicine.


One of the rarest of the Stoner Metalliums, this Metal was discovered in the 1800s by witchunter Albert Witchfinder. Scientists generally dislike classifying it under Stoner Metallium, but it has been categorized as such due to the Sodoma Sunrise era Witchfinder lived in. It was first unearthed in The Rectory of the Bizarre Reverend in Finland, and a second mass expidition lead by The Goddess of Doom, Christina Ricci. It is most commonly found in the Eternal Forest of Cromwell and is used as a tool to uncover items From the Void.


This Metal has ben known to bring great intelligence to the users. In fact, it helped Kurt Cobain acheive Nirvana. Discovered by the brilliant mad sceintist, Buzz Osborne. He discovered the mineral while picking through his gigantic grey afro. He then used it in his pencil to write A History Of Bad Men and History Of Drunks, both widely read in modern universities. Though there have been rumors of Houdini putting the mineral in his Hooch to help him in his magic. Buzz Osbourne has also created the world's first Civilized Worm using Melvinsium. It is now used in most Gluey Porch Treatments and Lysol.

Sunn O)))[edit]

The most valuable stoner metallium, the only side effect is contraction of the BWOOOM syndrome. It has been used to build my wall, the gates of Ballard, altars, two whites, the Black One, Monoliths and Demensions. It is defeating Earths gravity. Also be used for hunters and gatherers in Cydonia and Big Churches. One of Atilla Casthar's favorite metals.


Generally Known for being mined in Maryland, Clutchium is used in electric wiring. Though, Electric Worry can complicate this and may spawn a zombie apocalypse (similar to Left 4 Dead 2). But 50,000 Unstoppable watts in the wiring can stop this. When given to a large number of People at once, The Mob Goes Wild (Not zombies).If used often for long periods of time, the user becomes Immortal. It is advised that boats never carry this isotope since it can either Sink 'Em Low, or create a Sea Of Destruction.It can also detect who is the chosen one by giving him a Burning Beard. This mettallium is used in a drug combined with Spacegrass. The Spacegrass is commonly smoked by several people, including Willie Nelson, A Shogun Named Marcus, and the Left 4 Dead 2 survivors.

Corrosion Of Conformitite[edit]

This element, Commonly found in the South, is generally formed from the fossils of Hardcore Punks. It is a crucial part of Downium. It is generally beleived to give listeners religious Visions, varying anywhere from being In The Arms Of God, to living in hell. Use this Stuff obsessively, and you will go Blind from Corrosion of Your Eyes, and suffer from Animosity. It is often used in bullets, bullets that people vote with. It can also summon Albatrosses and Clean Your Wounds if used correctly, But misuse could leave someone Drowning in a Daydream.

Acid Bathium[edit]

Extremely rare metal isotope, known to cause obscure hallucination - exposed people believe that they hear butterflies to scream or see 13 fingers on their hands. Exposed people tend to become dope fiends. Can be found in the throat of dead girls just after a man jerked off in their mouths.


Known to be found in Sky Valley. Perfect alternative for weed.


This highly addictive metal can be created by splitting Kyussium into its individual isotopes, Dr. J. Homme discovered this phenomenon while attempting to understand its properties in his parents basement/laboratory. This is the Philosopher Stone of crackheads, dopeheads, junkies, Jesus, or any filthy chickenshit hippie. Properly handling this object can simply create Nicotine for those who are beginning to learn its secrets. Valium and Vicodine can be learned easily in the Streets. Marijuana has been known to have been created on a daily basis on every college. Extasy can be done under a chemistry degree (or not, who cares). Finally the Alcohol is well known to have been first created though this precious metal when Kenny Rogers took over Mordor. It has been speculated that some of the finest alchemists from Hogwarts have been known to make Cocaine, but not much is known.

Pirateium Metallium[edit]

A rare form of metal, the first major discovery of it was the Running Wildium that was originally found. After a few years in which it was fairly abundant, it became harder to find. However, when Battleheartium was discovered it gained a small but dedicated consumer base. Battleheartium, however, evolved into Alestormium - a much more successful and popular variant. Excessive exposure will lead to being followed Over The Seas by The Huntmaster, a mythical creature that alledgedly lives Under Jolly Roger who enjoys Wenches and Mead. And another rare form is, Swashbucklium. Frequent exposures will bring you Back to the Noose, to join the Crew of the Damned

Experimental Metallium[edit]

An element brought to humans by the Elderly Normal Samurai Tortoises, mainly seen in the form of Estradasphereium. Estradasphereium combines forms of all elements, and is primarily used in Jungle Warfare.

See also[edit]