Heimmerson-Wesley hypothesis

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The Heimmerson-Wesley Hypothesis[edit]

This hypothesis, that a kinder, more controlable bearcats could be created as a companion/guardian for small children was first proposed by Scissorias the Deranged of Corinth who lived from 1 B.C.E. to 78 C.E., and fleshed out a bit by the "elementary school teachers and amateur particle physicists Juliana Heimmerson and Zuzanna Wesley at an undisclosed location in an undislosed year possibly in this century or the last one, and if not most likely in the very near future there is nothing to see here" according to an FBI Public Statement made in January of 1998. After several years of muttering arcane enchantments over a pile of childs safety scissors whitch they had stolen from art teacher Terri Chillinhamptonjansonarytharkingsbourough (Miss C. for the faint of tongue). Shockingly they succeeded and created a small purple bearcatnium like particle organismm whitch they attempted to control. Unfortunatley, they had used left handed safety scissors and were unable to force the strange creature to do their bidding as they were both rightys. After killing Terri, who after a year long investigation had traced her missing scissors tho the HWAPPL (Heimmerson-Wesley Amateur Particle Phisics Lab), destroying the scientists well kept laboratory notebook and urinating on an expensive persian carpet, the Safety bearcat was vaporized by a full grown real bearcat that had come to stop it from becoming a threat to the bearcat race. The bearcats pressence also destroyed the remaining records, and killed Juliana, who accidentaly looked directly at it. Zuzanna went insane shortly thereafter and has been unable to remember the incantation to bring scissors to life, but her account of events seems very likely given the forensic evidence. She is currently a resident of the Sunnisyhdupp Mental home and would enjoy long walks on the beach if her neuro muscuylar system existed sufficiently to allow her to walk or recognize a beach. The Heimmerson-Wesly incident has acted as a cautionary tale for herpabotaists everywhere. Is is an important lesson to learn. Beware. You don't even begin to almost reach the point where you can nearly activate the switch that starts the procss of beginning to understand what bizarre forces you are screwing around with.