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Hellespont - Land of the everlong scream[edit]

The Hellespont is the only known point of access to Saddam Insane's secret gaylord palace; location unknown. Actually i know exactly where it is, but after the last time i woke up drunk, tied to a bed post wearing nothing but a fig leaf... well you get the picture. Anyway, the Hellespont crossing is approximately 17 miles long and three fingers wide. Only one man, that would be I (Lord Severus [Kitten Huffing expert] Slackjaw), had ever managed to make the return journey across the deadly Hellespont bridge, which overlooks some very nice property and some killer laser-sharks. Don't asl.

The Hellespont is renowned for its attractive signs, curiously placed booby traps and Saddam Insane's 3 inch penis. Again, don't ask. But it is the valued ore Soddomite, only known source of the metal Soddanium, which is of any real intrest to the outside world. As recently as May 3, 2008 a crack commando unit from the incompetant American Army tried to force entry to Saddam's Soddomite mines, where he works the local 'talent' until theyre buff and sweaty.... Don't ask.

Unfortunately this resulted in the worlds most pathetic display of tight-rope gymnastics, and some food for the deadly laser-sharks. With the exception of the unit's commanding officer... he has a severe case of ring-sting.