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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hemoglobin.

Haemoglobin - AKA Homogoblins[edit]

Homogoblins reside within the bloodstream of most chordates and a some other phyla in the animal kingdom. There is not, however, a good niche for homogoblins in plants, procaryotes, protoctistans and fungi. It is a bird like specimen of mammalian decent, however, there is a school of thought that believes that ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny and, therefore, the homogoblin can therefore be seen in the different stages of development as reptiles, bacteria and other primitive organisms. These fantastic little creatures are often created by the sudden combustion of hydrogen atoms within the soft tissue of the thorax.

From birth the baby homogoblin are well adapted to their environment. The young homogoblins tether themselves to the wall of an erythrocyte (red blood cell) using a string of protein created from the byproduct of the Coagulant (coagul-ant, a member of the fomicidae (ant) family). While tethered to the wall the young homogoblin is supported entirely by their host. Until just recently it was believed that the homogoblin lived to be only about 6 months old. It is now known that the homogoblin resides inside a host for only the first stage of its life. After 6 months the homogoblin undergoes a transformation. From the outside this transformation is obvious. The skin around the homogoblin becomes hard and swollen, producing a pimple like nodule. Inside this nodule the homogoblin has transitioned into the second and final stage of its life, a hard white mass. When the nodule experiences a disturbance of enough pressure the homogoblin is released from its skin cocoon and projected into the air. This mass may be projected from 3 to 50mm. While flying the mass releases baby hydrogen atoms into the air, thus completing the circle of life.


We shall use the structure of the most common homogoblin in an adult human. These are Tetramericans. The average Tetramerican has four limbs (α limbs and β limbs) and a lipid emulsion (due to the excessive consumption of cholesterol in the blood). Homogoblins do not have the conventional "ball & socket" and "hinge" joints...instead they have "myogoblin folds". These "myogoblin folds" connect the limbs onto the torso. The torso is constructed of four goblinar proteins corresponding to the α and β limbs.

Pleural Cavity and Trigestive System[edit]

The pleural cavity is formed by an airtight heterocyclic ring known as a porphyrin. The heart is formed by the four nitrogenous cardiac chambers (three ventricles one atrium) connected to the iron lung. When the erythrocyte the homogoblin resides in comes into contact with oxygen, the homogoblin sucks in as much oxygen as it can (a process called suckytosis). The oxygen is then held in the lung and quantum enzymes start to break it down into 8 protons, x neutrons (depending upon the isotope) and 8 electrons. The nucleons and electrons are then transported to the stomach respectively by electropotenticphageosis where the nucleons are acted on by the quantum enzyme quarkase. The quarks are then transferred to the liver via the hepatic portal vein where they are then built back up into other atoms for storage (mostly carbon, nitrogen and iron) until the nodular metamorphoses. As much oxygen as possible is consumed in this way until there is none left in the lung or the oxygen is diffused out of the homogoblin by the cells surrounding the erythrocyte when it has travelled to an oxygen-deprived area.

Inner Workings[edit]

It has recently been discovered by scientists working in the University of Seol that homogoblins may have "microhomogoblins" living inside them. It is then logically justified that these microhomogoblins have "nanohomogoblins" inside ‘’them’’.

So, Nat'ralists observe, a Flea
Hath smaller fleas that on him prey.
And these have smaller Fleas to bite 'em.
And so proceed ad infinitum.
Dean Swift


It is believed by many scientists that most Tetramericans are inherently violent and simpleminded. Roughly 50% are easily manipulated by their superiors but due to the corruption in the Tetramerican archy those who oppose clumsy war for no sincere reason. The Tetramerican hierarchy is very good at twisting words, lying and saying one thing and doing another.

Life Cycle[edit]

The homogoblin life cycle is long and arduous, that is to say, there is a myriad of stages through which the homogoblin develops.

Hydrogenous Embryonic Period[edit]

The hydrogenous embryonic period is divided into many stages...

Ionic Deuteriumistic Embryonic Stage[edit]

A Tetramerican homogoblin starts life as a deuterium ion of a +1 charge. The atoms are scattered over a wide area and can start life nearly anywhere.

Portal Isotopic Harmonic Variation of Embryonic Ion Stage[edit]

The deuterium dissolves into the plasma and is pumped around the body by the heart. As the hydrogen ion travels through the blood it picks up a slow neutron and becomes tritium. It then picks up another slow neutron; becomes unstable; and decays. It then picks up another neutron, another, decays, another, another, decays, and so it continues.

Embryonic-Thoraxel Spontaneous Combustion[edit]

When the variating hydrogenous isotope reaches the superior vena cavae it diffuses through the wall tissue and pleural liquid to reach the external pleural layer where it spontaneously combusts for an unknown reason. All that is known is that the product of this explosion is a helium zygote complete with electrons.

Zygotic development[edit]

The zygote continues to pick up nucleons and electrons through lithium, boron, sodium, argon, calcium, krypton until it reaches xenon. At xenon the zygote develops into an amoeba like foetus.

Foetal Development[edit]

Foetal and adult development is a good example of ontogeny recapitulating phylogeny as the faetus satarts as a single celled organism then developing into a colony then into a primitive multicellular organism.

Adult Development[edit]

This is more commonly known as the Timatic stage. The homogoblin goes through many stages in adult life. It first becomes a fungus like creature that plants its mycelium into erythrocytes. It next developes into a mollusc type creature and uses the coagulant's waste to attatch itself to the erythrocyte. Still keeping the bind and developing its organ mainframe after seven weeks, whilst its apparent structure changes its organs and frame remains similar.

The homogoblin moves through a fish stage, reptile stage, bird stage (its longest stage), a rodent stage and finnally Homus Similis-The stage similar to humans.

Nodular Development, Metamorphosis and Asexual Reproduction[edit]

This is more commonly known as the Ryanatic stage. After five to six months a lipid membraine is formed around the homogoblin and hardens. inside this cocoon the metamorphosis of homogoblin into a hard white mass takes place. The homogoblin reproduces asexually as in the nodule the homogoblin breaks itself down into quintrillions of deuterium ions. these embryos are suspended in an excited electron soup. When some pressure is applied to the nodule the hard white mass is expelled from the nodule, scattering the deuterium embryos over a large area.

Other Oxygen Transporters[edit]

My o' goblin - discovered by L. Thompson, described as "Her own goblin."

Hemocyanin - A goblin with blue pigmentation as opposed to red. It has a copper lung instead of iron.

Hemerythrin - As suggested by its pigmentation (pink), hemerythrin is not a heme.

Chlorocruorin - the goblin found in that green mouldy thing you're always trying to avoid in the corner of the public swimming pool.

Vanabins - A goblin with a vanadium lung, discovered by the A.S.-science trust.

Erythrocruorin - a goblin with lots of iron lungs.

Pinnagoblin - The biological physicist LuLu Luis once found traces of manganese in her experiment to see if milk can feel pain and tried to pin it on a goblin (the milk is a liquid, it was a figure of speech, I meant the manganese and there wouldn't be a nail small enough!!!)

Leghomogoblin - A mutation of homogoblin caused by the intoxicating effects of ethanol.