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A modern hemeroid.

Hemoroides are a race of insects that make their nests in peoples asses.


Hemoroides were discovered by Dr. Paul Revere in 1890. Dr. Revere was searching the Amazon jungle for what villagers in South America called "the butt bugs". Dr. Revere discovered hemoroides, a hymanoptera (related to bees, wasps, and ants) that nested in the human anus. Sadly, Dr. Revere contracted hemoroides and died a few weeks later. We know his story from a notebook he wrote.


The earliest microspoic view of a hemoroid.

It takes two hemoroides to enter a human anus; one to hold open the buttcheeks and one to crawl inside. There, the hemorides eats under-developed human feces. Eventually, the hemoroide continues to crawl up the rectum until it reaches the large intestine, where it eats feces way too early and screws up the digestive system. The human will eventually die from this. Up to seven hemoroides can live in a human anus at a time.


The only known way to remove a hemoriode is to use a Brillo Pad.