Herndonacity

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Herndonacity comprises not only a degree of "awesomeness", but also a degree of "smooth" as seen in this picture of a 23 year old Anthony Scalia.

What is "Herndonacity"?[edit]

"Herndonacity" is a term which goes hand-in-hand with "chick magnet" "smooth" and "let me touch your balls". It is the style, finesse, and utter benevolence which one must use to be attractive to women and other bovine animals.

Rather than acting abusive toward a female, Herndonacity implies that one pay little attention to females, but slightly more attention than a teenage boy at South Beach during Spring Break. Isaac Newton has been quoted as saying: "The amount of attention needing to be paid is really a fine line, much like the thread used to weave my thong."

It's a well-known fact that television celebrity Paula Zahn nearly did a story on Herndonacity, but she was brainwashed by haters into doing a lifetime of stories about racism dividing China. Though it hasn't received quite the media attention it deserves, "Herndonacity" is nonetheless an important factor in today's society.

What Makes Herndonacity So Effective?[edit]

This man has just bathed in KY Jelly, which will inevitably cause women to fall head over heels for him.

There are many speculations as to just what Herndonacity is made up of, and why it's so effective. Most credible theories include mass amounts of vaseline, charm, charisma, vaseline, confidence, condoms, a six-gallon vat of spermicide, vaseline, and the ability strip completely naked in under six seconds while coating oneself in vaseline. Experts agree that being shiny and incredibly slippery is one aspect of a man no woman can live without*.

  • These findings have yet to be confirmed by a real, live woman but the department of sexiness is working on this problem in order to quell the queries that have arisen.

Combined, all of these elements comprise a man who is irresistible to women(Right)

How to Successfully Execute a Herndonacity-laced Move[edit]

Though pop-culture icon Al Gore will say otherwise, Herndonacity requires an incredibly large amount of reconnaissance. Though it's desirable to men to be able to dash in and sweep a girl off her feet, one of the core strategies behind Herndonacity is discovering more about a girl than even an OB/GYN thought possible.

"It's beneficial," writes Sandra Day O'Connor "to know just about everything there is to know about a girl. Herndonacity is the reason I married my 92 year old husband. He was ugly, true, but he had a 6-gallon vat of spermicide. I just couldn't say "no" to that. But, back on topic. He knew my favorite Supreme Court Judge of all time, my favorite TV show character, my favorite song, he knew that I was lactose intolerant. He was just wonderful. After dinner he took me out for a milk shake and then we sat in the Congressional library and read court cases from the 1850's, which also happens to be the year I was born. He just knew everything about me."

Justice William Rehnquist wrote a dissenting opinion, but no one cared because he was a total nerd and couldn't get any poontang if he'd tried.

Contrary to popular belief, Herndonacity doesn't require the writ memorization of pick-up lines. "Pick-up lines are hardly, if ever, used," says expert theologist Reverend Al Sharpton. "I mean, look, pick-up lines are even worse than a white woman hitchhiking in Oakland. When I hear someone use a really bad line it just transcends the police-brutality on blacks back in the '90s."

It has been noted that one of the keys to successfully using Herndonacity lies in the ability to think on ones feet. For example, if one of the girls you're trying to seduce says, "sour candy makes my mouth water," the proper reply would be "Your face makes my mouth water." However, this method is subject to the typical female-filter system. If she says "What a perfectly hideous piece of rotten banana!" It would not be considered very Herndonastic to reply "Your face is a perfectly hideous piece of rotten banana." Another instance would be if she says "You know, this meal could use more meat." It would not be wise to reply "You know, your face could use more meat." Then again, maybe it would. As previously stated, Herndonism requires much reconaissance. If your female counterpart would go for this, by all means. In any case, if you come upon a situation like this, think over the Russian Reversal before speaking and see whether or not this would be beneficial or detrimental if spoken. After all, in Communist Russia, woman penetrates YOU!!!

Herndonacity in History[edit]

Herndonacity accounts for many relationships in the past. For example, the late Anna Nicole Smith married her husband due to an exponential amount of Herndonacity. "I don't know what came over me," her diary is reported as saying. "One moment I was dancing on my pole, the next thing I know I hear 'what's your name?' I turned around and he was holding a box of condoms in one hand and with his other he whipped out his piece. I looked back at him and he just licked his lips. I couldn't help myself."

Other experts include Dr. Dorian Gray, Isaac Newton, Alberto Gonzales, and Oscar Wilde.

Risks Associated with Herdonacity[edit]

If exposed to too much Herndonacity, women are liable to go absolutely insane, as can be seen here.

It's been stressed by all notable users of Herdonacity that Herdonacity is a dangerous and untamed beast which knows no bounds. This is especially true in situations involving more than one female. Occasionally the Herdonacity directed at one girl causes extreme jealousy in the other, resulting in anger, aggressive flirting, harsh language toward other females, and in very extreme cases good jello wrestling, in a low-quality porn sort of way.

Unfortunately, there's no way to guard against this terrible consequence of Herndonacity except to stop it altogether, and for most men, stopping it is about as possible as closing your eyes during the Miss America swimsuit competition.

One famous example of Herndonacity gone wrong would be the case of John and Lorena Bobbitt. John Bobbitts Herndonacity resulted in his flirting with a waitress at a restaurant one night, causing his wife to chop off his member with a pair of blunt gardening shears as he lay in bed sleeping. She ran off with the penis, later throwing it out the window of her moving car. In interviews, Lorena Bobbitt didn't directly cite the above-stated event or Herndonacity (directly), but cited two more Herdonacity-laced events. She said that he was "selfish" and "would not give her an orgasm." Both of these examples are directly linked to Herndonacity. Women don't realize that the pleasure is in waiting for something to happen, rather than what happens once you receive what you've been waiting for - a key principle to Herndonacity.

Other cases of "Herndonacity Gone Wrong" as was titled John Bobbitts auto-biography (it went unpublished, unfortunately, and remains in his personal possession) are the cases of Frankenstein (who had so much Herndonacity left in him when he died he came back to life), King Henry the "Original Pimp" VIII, Rosie O'Donnells first husband (who, to this day, has still not been acknowledged as the driving force behind her becoming a lesbian), and Hugh Hefner.

Group Herndonacity[edit]

Another recent discovery behind Herndonacity is a phenomena known as "group Herndonacity". Group Herndonacity occurs when a group of men trained in the Herndonastic arts meet a group of desirable females. It employs the time-tested strategy of "divide and conquer." Should there be only one desirable female among the group, one man will have to call her, and his friends may then be employed to distract her friends. If there is more than one desirable woman in the group, more than one Herndonastic may end up with a new friend.

User's Guide for Herndonacity[edit]

Steps from the Man Himself

Show interest and show her that you would like to get to know her and you were happy to meet her, even if you don't want to.

Always look into her eyes when speaking to her, and under no circumstances shift your gaze to her chest. The brain is what you must convince. Womens eyes report to the brain, breasts do not.

Obviously stunned by Herndonacity, this woman doesn't even notice that the man is about to cop a feel.

Be sensitive and caring. Let her cry on your shoulder if she's sad. Make her smile when she's feeling crummy.

If you have little siblings, nieces, or nephews, show her that you really care for them. Play with them, watch over and protect them. Girls dig guys who respect their bitches.

For Valentine's Day be "sweet" or "thoughtful" instead of showy and cliched. A dozen red roses may be the traditional romantic gift, but most girls will be better pleased with some of the KY Jelly you plan to use that night. Remembering a girl's "favorite positions" will fascinate her to no end, not to mention get you laid without an assload of cuddling. Remember, however, no doggy style on Valentine's Day.

Make her laugh. Girls love guys with a great sense of humor. That doesn't mean you should never take anything seriously, or else you'll come off as a clown, and clowns don't get laid.

Tips

Remember that all girls are different, and there's no one way to make any girl fall for you, but a good dose of Herndonacity can work wonders.

Don't stalk girls. If you stalk girls, they will attempt avoiding you, and the do not enjoy being the object of "the hunt".

Look at yourself in the mirror. If you've got an odd hair style or own something embarrassing which will make you look stupid, change it. Most girls don't mind appearance but nearly all will have first impressions. Make them for the best.

Girls don't like nasty breath. Eat mints regularly and brush teeth often.

Don't just act natural - be natural. Shower only when necessary. Research headed by Dr. Dorian Gray has shown women prefer a man who smells like musk and sweat to one who smells like soap. Women are animals, and it takes a beast to help them realize it.

Nothing is sexier than confidence. However, nothing is as attractive as sex appeal. Try with everything you have to find the drawing medium which is Herndonacity.

Fashion isn't just for girls. It's for guys to be recognized by girls. Get a nice pair of shoes. A pair of jeans will also look cool when bought from a fashionable teen store. Same goes for shirts. Don't just buy one outfit. Clothes should never be worn more than twice a week. (This was only added at the insistence of Oscar Wilde. Other Herndonastics call this, "ghey")

Calling her "cute" or "beautiful" is more appreciated than "hot" or sexy".

Get in shape. Practicing pelvic squat thrusts daily is good practice. Not only will you have a better butt, but you will also have the muscle to go all night long when required.

If a woman looks sad like this, present yourself to her covered in KY Jelly (see above). This will end her bad mood immediately.

Warnings

After reading this article, former President Bill Clinton was quoted as saying: "Do this for every girl you are in a relationship with. If word gets out that you posses Herndonacity, everyone will want to date you."

Watch yourself. You can't always act the same around girls as you do around your male friends.

If a girl is known to spread rumors about exes, be sure to give her the Herndonacity as much as possible on the day of the break up. This way, when she talks about you she won't be able to recall much except KY Jelly and series of 54 straight orgasms.

Don't put on cologne. Remember, a true man smells like sweat.