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“My masterpiece”

~ Oscar Wilde on Hi5

“Before you commit suicide, make sure to visit Hi5, it will help you for your decision”

~ Sigmund Freud on Hi5

“Thanks to Hi5, I found my true love!”

~ George W. Bush on Michael Jackson

“Besides George, In Hi5 we also met twenty eight year olds”

~ Michael Jackson on 8 year olds
Hi5 logo

hi5 is a hangout website for pedophiles, rednecks, retards, homosexuals, persons with mental disorders, pseudo-metalheads, and emos. It was founded by Oscar Wilde who is also the current CEO.


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Hi5.

In hi5, shitheads create an online profile in order to show information such as sick interests, age and hometown and upload shithead pictures where users can post comments. hi5 also allows the shithead to create personal photo albums and set up a music player in the profile. Shitheads can also send friend requests via e-mail to other users, for spreading this bastardeness further. When a person receives a friend request, he or she may accept (the most stupid choice on the planet) or decline it (if he or she is smart), or block the user altogether (if he or she is very smart, although such persons don't exist in hi5). If the shithead accepts another shithead as a friend, the two will be sexualy connected directly or in the abusive 1st degree. The shithead will then appear on the person's friend list and vice-versa. Some shithead run to make their profiles available for everyone on hi5 to view. Other shitheads who are a little bit more clever exercise the option to make their profile viewable only to those people who are in their network. The network of friends consists of a shithead's direct friends (1st degree), the friends of those direct friends (2nd degree), the friends of the friends of direct friends (3rd degree), the friends of the friends of the friends (4rd degree), and the friends of the friends of friends of the friends (5rd degree, the most abusive one).

Why do people use Hi5?[edit]

People think that they would become very popular after they create an user account on Hi5. Well, that's retard thinking. They only get more closer to Michael Jackson and other pedophiles, ready to abuse them all.

People upload hundreds of "artsitic" photos hoping that those pictures will make them more popular that they are in real life. Some of them have their playlists with many popular songs, that everyone has listened them for 100 times. Having as much as possible friends is many popular on Hi5. If a user has 500 friends, in real life he only knowns 4 of them.

It is also interesting that all the pseudo-metalheads have their user accounts on Hi5. They say that they hate poserism and actually that's what they all do on Hi5, they POSE.

Types of people that use Hi5[edit]

There are several types of people who use Hi5.

  • Main users (dominance: 80%) - These people are the ordinary shitheads. They use Hi5 just for adding more "friends", and do those silly comments all day. They don't listen to music, don't watch movies and don't have any preferences. They just look to meet new shitheads.
  • Emos and Metalheads (dominance: 10%) - Silly teenagers who proclaim that they like being lonely and they still got an Hi5 user account. They fill their user page with their endless lists of their favorite bands. Even though they all seem to be in depression, they all pose. And all of their friends (except 2 other emos) seem to be main users (see above).
  • Uninterested users (dominance: 2%) - These users seem to have abandoned Hi5. They don't have information about themselves, don't have photos, nor comments on their profiles.
  • Ashamed users (dominance: 5%) - These users have their accounts on Hi5, but when in real life, they don't seem to talk about it. When asked, thay say that Hi5 is a stupid website, still they do have their accounts there.
  • Grim Reaper (dominance: 0.0005%) - The well known funny guy trying to trick everybody into touching him.
  • Others (dominance: 3%).

Market supremacy[edit]

Hi5 is used for abusive causes all around the world. The leading country is Kosovo, though. As of 2006, statistics report that 99% of all inhabitans in Kosovo use hi5. Those who don't use it are often called "national traitors".

Kosovo users predominance[edit]

Kosovo people are the most famous users of hi5. On 2005, hi5 was voted for "The family website". The voting went positive and hi5 won it's status as "The family website". 2007 statistics report that in Kosovo, three most visited websites are: hi5.com; sex.com; and google.de. Other visited websites include allah.com; hotmail.com; fuckserbia.com; and tallava.net.

Patro profile[edit]

Patro (left) and his lesser boyfriend. This approves he's "straight" sexual orientation. It's noted that this picture is repeated three consecutively times at he's picture section. Also, don't forget he's favorite band, Boys 2 Man.
In Patro's friends section can be seen various retards.

The most famous Kosovar user is without doubt the so called "Patro". He's profile can be seen here. Proud to be gay, he's hometown is Gjakova (in Kosovo this town for it's gay reputation). Among other things, he listens to Hip-Hop, R&B, Latin, he's all time favorite band is Boys 2 Man, and he's favorite album is Blero.

Patro's mental condition is unknown. Some say that he's just a desperate gay, that loves so much he's lesser boyfriend. Others say he's totally out of he's mind (God bless those who think so).

In late 2006, Oscar Wilde named Patro as "The Best Hi5 Gay of All Times". Wilde also ofered Patro a co-director position at hi5, but Bill Gates threatened Oscar Wilde that if Patro becomes a co-director, Microsoft will immediately close hi5. Depserate enough, Patro left the following message at his profile: "I'm leavin' since Bill doesn't like me. I always thought that he does. Thanks to all of those who visited my profile, who made comments on me, and special thanks to my supporter, Mr. Minor. See ya all dogs!" However, he returned after 2 days, saying "...it was too difficult for me too live without hi5.".

Patro now lives happily in hi5.

Profile comments[edit]

In Kosovo partition of hi5, profile comments are very famous. They are all kind of same. They all go like, "hey oscar, ye'r the best, keep on that work and compliments for your beauty mate", or "very nice pic oscar, keep on that work, luv yaa!". Even these comments are very humble, Hi5 users still accept them, and are proud to have such comments on them.

See also[edit]