High School Quotes

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Pictured here is your typical high school student, studying for her oral exam.

High school. A time of tests, books, grades, some douchebag who will work at the Texaco station in twenty years, some nerd who will visit said Texaco station in twenty years to have the douchebag pump unleaded gas into their Mercedes-Benz, prom, babies, babies at the prom, and losing your virginity. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? We visit Uncyclopedia, so we're all virgins, and nobody has ever been to a prom.

Featured below is a compilation of quotes, real and fake, by various high school students and teachers. Feel free to add quotes to the list, but please, for the love of God, Allah, all those Hindu gods, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Chuck Norris, or whatever other gods you worship, make sure your quote is funny. If not, it will be huffed.


History Teacher: So, the colonists grew crops on farms.

High School Girl: Were there any zebras on these farms?


A teenage girl preparing for what she constantly believes will be the biggest day of her life: the prom. Consider that she will also graduate from high school, get married, have children, and die at various points in her life. Those are kind of more important than some school dance.


High School Girl: Ohmigod, Miley Cyrus is so awesome! She's such a good role model, and she's such an awesome singer! I totally own all of her stuff, and I've been in the front row of all her concerts! How could you not like her? She's, like, the perfect role model. I also like the Jonas Brothers... OHMIGOD, OHMIGOD, OHMIGOD! Joe Jonas is so hot! I have his poster on my wall, and I hope to walk hand in hand with him one day on a beach. If only I could just get just a strand of Joe's hair! I'D DO ANYTHING JUST TO GET A SINGLE STRAND OF JOE JONAS'S HAIR, OHMIGOD, OHMIGOD, OHMIGOD!

Me: I just asked what our algebra homework was.


High School Girl: I was just reading this book about this boat named the "Titanic". Someone should totally make a movie about it!

Other High School Girl: Like, totally! Ohmigosh! They totally should!

Yet Another High School Girl: They did. Leonardo DiCaprio was in it.

First Two High School Girls: Yeah, but that was, like, 50 years ago.


History Teacher: Jefferson wasn't afraid to rub flesh.

High School Boy: Neither was your mom last night.

Entire class: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


History Teacher: Any more WWII questions?

High School Girl: Do submarines go underwater?

Other High School Girl: Were the Nazis the Germans or the Jews?


Dumb Blonde with a Huge Rack: What do I want to do when I get out of school? I want to live with Hef in the Playboy mansion!

High School Girl with More Than Half a Brain: And share him with two other women? What about the fact that he's eighty-something years old? Besides, he'll just dump you if you're getting old and bring in three new girls.

Dumb Blonde with a Huge Rack: That just makes him more experienced in bed!


High school girl: We're so in love. We're going to together for ever.

Loner: Five bucks she's single by Thursday.


Physics Teacher: If you weigh ninety kilograms and your temperature increaes by half a degree celsius, how many joules did you gain?

High school girl: Are they pink?


Hot high school girl: I can't believe that Brad cheated on me with that slut! Why can't I find a guy who won't cheat on me?

Loner: Over here; I won't cheat on you.

Hot high school girl: Go away!

Pictured here is a typical high school virgin. Note that the concept of high school girls being virgins is as realistic as the concept of Sonic being slower than a three toed sloth.


Dumb Girl #1: Isn't Edward hot?

Dumb Girl #2: No, Edward is a selfish jerk who will betray Bella and break the truce. Besides, Jacob is hotter.


High School Teacher: She just gave birth to a baby boy!

Another High School Girl: Can I have this one? My mom keeps giving all of mine away.


High School Boy: I'm rich.

High School Girl: That makes you attractive!


Lady on Phone: What state are you in?

High School Girl: The United States of America.


Teacher: So they eventually ate the frozen dead bodies of their fellow soccer players to stay alive in the Andes.

High School Girl: Ugh. They ate frozen meat?