Himesh Reshammiya

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Himesh Reshammiya is the best nasal singer in the Universe. I am sorry, Himesh Reshammiya is the only nasal singer in the universe( and thank god for that!).

Biography[edit]

Himesh was born to a pig and an ass in Phirklenistan to the north of Mongolia in 1944, thus his immense musical prowess. He got a degree in braying from the Institute of Moronic Music, IMM in 1957 but his big break came when he won a trip to the oriental cowsheds of China on a scholarship.

However the Chinese did not find him much to their tastes and hence deported him to India in a truck filled with illegal opium. Legend has it that his voice box got flooded with all those drugs and since then he has been tormenting the masses of the Indian subcontinent.

Another theory is that once while having a bad day at school, his(her/it maybe , nobody's too sure) teacher squeezed his testicles to make him modulate his voice( a regular practice at IMM). His left testicle though jumped up and got lodged in his larynx. Since then he has had to use his nose for singing with truly atrocious results.

It is suspected that he actually sings in Dutch and it's his peculiar nasal baritone that makes him sound as if he is singing in Urdu.

Himesh and India's Mission to Moon[edit]

When India first announced it's intention of sending a spacecraft to Moon(one way), a competition was held to decide who should captain it. All India Voting was done through mobiles, landlines and Internet etc. The Voting continued for six months and Himesh was in the lead for 3 of those. In the end he came in 2nd only to Arjun Singh, losing by just 69,031 votes.

“It was my mother's last wish that I should go ... !”

~ Himesh on (Crying) not making it to the moon!

Rising Popularity[edit]

Academics and mentally sane people across the world are baffled and highly disturbed by a recent phenomenon. This phenomenon is the rising popularity of Himesh Reshammiya, especially among the age group 15 - 30. One school of thought is of the opinion that this is due to the proliferating levels of pesticides in cold drinks which are consumed in shockingly large amounts by youngsters. This may be causing mutations and hence modifying the brain cells, perhaps irreversibly. Another line of reasoning may be the increasing competition among youngsters for things varying from jobs, girls,mobiles and even underwears. It is thought that losers (and gays) around the world are looking upto him as a God. They envision him maybe as a messiah and say "if that dumbass can so can we". Psychologists around the world are now cloning Himesh to have their own test subjects ready. Cutting edge research is going to take place on Himesh clones to study the reasons for such apotheosis. It is their firm beleif that a solution to the many stress and break-penis-competition related problems can be discovered and Himesh might as well be some use to the community!


The Secret under the Cap and Beard[edit]

Himesh(in earlier days) holding the guitar his teachers used to sodomize him with at IMM.

It is widely known that Himesh was nothing but a blabbering donkey and no one payed him shit for singing before he metamorphosed into the ugly bearded and capped gorilla he is now. All of a sudden film producers and the lot started flocking to him and he even started receiving awards which were earlier reserved for actual singers. It is still a big mystery how this change of luck took place and Himesh sure ai'nt talking. Many noted philosophers have given this riddle some thought though. The hypothesis they have come up with is excruciatingly simple. It has been known to the Chinese for centuries that pubic hair of Pandas boiled along with urine of rhinos generates a concoction so lucky that even a dying old man of 103 years can father twins. The philosophers beleive that this is what Himesh is using for a beard and the never changing length is proof that this may be true. However the mixture gets spoilt when direct sunlight falls upon it due to a photochemical reaction. Hence the Cap.

“He does smell a little like my mom's cooking now”

~ Emraan Hashmi on Himesh's new odour (maybe of the beard)!