History of packaging

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The History of Packaging[edit]

The Early Years[edit]

Packaging was invented in 1875 by Henry J. Packaging. He was born in Basingstoke in 1850 and from birth smelled like bread. He moved to the city of Reading and set up his first workshop, working long hours and drinking many mugs of tea. He eventually came up with his masterpiece: the brown paper bag. It measured 12" long, 3" wide and 4" tall, and was only used to carry English baguettes. This revolution was quite a breakthrough in the field of commodities, and caught on fast. More practical versions followed, including the 24" variation. This preceded his ironic death, when he was savaged by a pack of wolves roaming the central Reading park.

The New Hope[edit]

After his sad death, his son, Henry J. Packaging, was an orphan. He was taken pity on, however, by a she-bear. Once he reached the age of sixteen, and had developed his father's supple thighs, he discovered his father's secret (but uncomplete) plans for a new type of packaging. So, after twenty years of sleepless toil, he finally created the cardboard box. It measured 6" by 6" by 6" and was made of 1" thick cardboard. Later the box range was further developed under the top-secret codename "project oxb".

The Invention to Change The World[edit]

His son, Henry J. Packaging II roamed the countryside for a year until one night, he had an amazing dream - a vision! He laboured for years on the fine detail, and finally made the "tin can". Along with the foil takeaway tray, these creations made him extremely rich. His final success hging III was left alone, crying in some long grass during a walk in the park, when an eagle carried him off to her nest. He grew up and followed in his forefathers' footsteps and set up Packaging Inc. He also created the plastic bottle which was originally 6" high, 3" long, and 3" wide. This was followed by clingfilm, which joined tinfoil as the ultimate must-have fashion accessory. By 1930, there were more dresses, skirts, and tutus made of clingfilm or foil than any other material. He finally invented Tupperware, which was infinitely popular with the middle classes for keeping Brie in. He died in 1937 in a freak accident in France.

Conflict In Utopia[edit]

His son, Henry J. Packaging was accidentally shipped to Bengal in a tincan, where tigers raised him. However, he was back in his great-great-grandfather's home town of Basingstoke by 1939. The Second World War meant that tin cans needed to be melted down for scrap metal, so thus followed the carton years. Henry J. Packaging, was successful in continuing the family trade, until his death recently, in a tragic conflagration with a large bull elephant.

Man of Mystery[edit]

The current Henry J. Packaging is in hiding, and goes by the name of "Jay Henry Packaging". He is about to inherit the family fortune of £12bn, and is rumoured to have been raised by Hyenas and to be living in Croydon.

Fudge Packaging[edit]

This alternate discipline is believed to have been first practised by time-travelling Catholic priests going to ancient Athens.