The Hokey Pokey

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“That's what it's all about”

~ Satan on The Hokey Pokey
The Hokey Pokey being performed.

The Hokey Pokey is a satanic ritual commonly misattributed as a children's song, much like the Cotton-Eyed Joe. First invented in 3 AD by a group of Satanists, known as The Monkees, to show their devotion for their beloved lord, Satan.

Learning Enforcement in young Generations[edit]

The Cycle Learnt and enforced by young playgroup's

The Hokey Pokey / Hokey Cokey is enforced at a young age by "playgroups" and it is really a miricle that children can learn this complex cycle in a diffrent format at such a young age. - see pic at the right.


The Hokey Pokey dates back to around the death of Jesus Christ. A group of satanists needed a ritual to show their love for Satan. They tried sacrificing lambs, babies, and clowns, but Satan did not appear to find these as a proper show of their devotion. They decided to perform a new ritual. They practiced and practiced until they got it right.

They used the ritual to wreak havoc on the world. They brought forth the Black Death, the Red Death, the Magenta Death, and Fall Out Boy.

Only the devil could be responsible for such a shitty band.

The Christian population searched these people out and burned them at stake. However, they failed to destroy any of the scriptures, and now thanks to the internet and freedom of information act, anyone can find out how to do it and perform it to wreak all sorts of havoc, like in the paragraph below for example.

The Ritual[edit]

To perform the ritual three or more people must put their left hands in. Then chant "You put your left hand in. You take your left hand out and shake it all out. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about!"

While doing this, at the time of speaking the lyrics, put your left hand in towards the circle, then take it out and shake it vigorously. Then, when you "Do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around," put your hands above your head, wiggle your waist, and turn around 360 degrees. Then repeat only replacing your left arm with the right arm. (In the chant as well as your physcial actions.) Then continue replacing right arm with the left leg. Keep on doing this until you have, in order, done so with your right leg, head, and whole body.

Once completed, a small crack should appear in the ground. It should slowly grow with burning flames and the smell of fried possum until demons fly out of the possum's anus and start eating the members of the ritual. These members, by legend, are supposedly brought to a part of hell with Air Conditioning and strippers. This was recently confirmed in an interview with Satan himself.

The demons will then wreak havoc on the world for 100 years, doing all kinds of evil things, like tossing the sheets off your bed when you're sleeping and leaving hair in the shower drain.

And that's what it's all about.

Popularity in Children[edit]

Elmo is a well known Satanist.

In the 1900's the Hokey Pokey was reused as a childrens song. Children would unknowingly perform the ritual. The ritual was almost never successful as children are stupid and drool too much, so they could not perform it properly. However, on some occasions the ritual has been performed successfully by chidlren, but did not work to it's full extent. It is believed this is what caused Anna Nicole Smith's death to get so much news coverage.


The Hokey Pokey is still performed today, being disguised as a harmless children's chant. Many countries have made an effort to ban it, most notably Italy and Greece. However there has never been an official law passed to ban it.

See Also[edit]