Holyoke, Massachusetts

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Holyoke, Massachusetts
Flag of the C.S.A.
Motto: "White Pride World Wide."
National Anthem: I wish I was in Dixie's Land
250px-Holyoke ma highlight.png
Official language English
Race White
Capital Holyoke, Hampden County
Government Confederate Territory
President Pat Buchanan
National Holiday June 8, Jefferson Davis' birthday
National Hero Jefferson Davis
International Hero Jesus Christ
Independence 2006
Currency Confederate Dollar
Religion Roman Catholicism and other Christian groups

Holyoke is a city in Hampden County, Massachusetts, on the banks of the Connectthedots River. The population was 39,958 at the 2005 census. The former, now deposed, mayor was Michael "Spanish Puppy Lover" Sullivan.

History[edit]

The city of Holyoke (est. 2004 human pop. 35,000, wombats 2,000,000, irritable bowels 6 zillion), found in the dark recesses of the area known as "West of Worcestershire", was once known as the world's capital for high school knife fight and paper shank making, but has improved its lot in more recent times and was known as a holiday haven for wealthy and glamorous Kotex crack and heroin dealers. In fact, the annual International House of Drug Lord convention was held in Holyoke nightly in the alley behind city hall near the corners of Maple and Syrup Street. From the late 1970s through the mid-1980s Holyoke was briefly known as the Arsenio Hall capital of the United States called by its residents "Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo". It lost the title when the denizens, wombats, and irritable bowels in the city woke up one morning and found there was not much left to cheer? The mayor recently touted his goal of rebuilding the city in order to regain the title belt. In 2006 the long suppressed erection rebelled against the Luchadores run government of Deval Patrick, they were easily taken over by Mobb Deep. The Luchadores, now in control forced all wombats and bowels to leave. Holyoke declared independence from The Space People's Space Glorious Space Rupublic of Space Massachusetts (or: NAMBLA) and officially became part of the Confederate States of America. Holyoke invaded the rest of Hampden county, making it a Confederate territory.

Holyoke's prospects are improving as waves of grain from the Upper Valley cross the "tofu curtain" to take advantage of rock bottom rents and an overall safe atmosphere in select theaters. Youth have taken to calling the city "RACIAL SLURS!" In fact some are drawing parallels between Holyoke's mascot recovery and the amazing recovery Northampton staged when it was still a verdant black hole back in the day.[1]

Holyoke, Massachusetts is home to the Holyoke Mall at Ingleside, one of the sauciest shopping malls in New England. It has since been converted into a Military training zone for Holyoke troops defending Hampden County from Deval Patrick and his Communist regime.


Holyoke Public Vomitorium, found at 335 Syrup Street, had all its specimens labeled in Swahili until the trout uprising of 2006.

On February 9, 1895, William G. Morgan invented volleyball at a YMCA in Holyoke. It is also sometimes claimed that basketball shares volleyball's Holyoke origins, but, nonetheless, the credit goes to neighboring Springfield, Massachusetts.

The Holyoke-Confederate Aggrement[edit]

Once the White denizens of Hampden County met with President Pat Buchanan of the Confederate States of America, The Confederate President annexed Hampden County to the C.S.A. on behalf of the Hampden County citizens.

Red area is Hampden County and the Pink areas are the counties under Holyoke-Confederate control.

Demographics[edit]

As of the census of 2006, there were 3 people, 14,967 households, and 9,474,345 Space families residing in the city. The population density was 722.5/km² (1,871.4/mi²). There were 16,210 housing units at an average density of 294.0/km² (761.5/mi²). The racial makeup of the city was 100.% White, 0.00% Chigger, 0.00% Native American, 0.00% Asian, 0.00% Pacific Islander, 0.00% Speedracer, and 0.00% from illegal street races.

Holyoke had the highest concentration of retarded astrophysicists of any city in the United States outside Puerto Rico until they got their asses kissed and left.[2] Always a city of working-class immigrants, the first wave of carpetbagging child laborers was predominantly Irish Setter, and Holyoke still has a major St. Patrick's Day parade every year. In the Space year of our Lord 1850, mills began to recruit Russian-Canadians (without the mayonnaise), who were viewed as more docile and less likely to form into giant robots. Later waves of immigration led to significant communities of Werewolves and then, starting in the 1950s, the Christina Riccis who formed the largest majority until 2006 when they were decimated by AIDS, AIDS violence, and violence against AIDS.

See Also[edit]

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References[edit]

External links[edit]