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“Home is where you live, unless you're homeless”

~ Captain Obvious on homes

Homes have been around forever. Seriously, since the beginning of fucking civilization. From dinosaurs to elves, to cavemen and humans, we have all needed a place to sit back and relax, or get bitched at by a wife or girlfriend. In that case, the local bar or strip club will suffice. Remember everyone, its not what is inside the house, but the size of your dominion.

What is a home?[edit]

To put it layman terms its what people need yet few obtain what green steals and yellow takes away. The utmost necessity that one would have to see to imagine the utmost enigmatic presentualistic objectional entity that provides stablity under the complex of a unit of construction. Originaly invented by George Washington the first house appeared to be made of drafts of the declaration of independence and used up teeth that he kept as momentoes. The idea came to him when one winter night frost bitten and starving he looked at the sky and said "Im dying and it hurts, why do I hurt so much" and at that instant a sheep crossed his path he stared looked at it a bit basking in the glory of its fine intricate cloak, White and glisting in the midst of the winter night such as silver under the bright light or the rise of the sun at morning as it arives at the horizon, he paused hesitaed by the tear he felt at his cheek this wonderful and majestic creature how innocent and pure his spirit was lifted. After taking a few minutes to regain himself he preceeded by yelling sexualy ambiguous remarks towards the animal "bitch" this and "i'll drive my fist in ..." that what-notery until the sheep walked away. Alone and cold once more Washington realized the deer had hid in a cave to escape his offencive remarks, and in this he felt the greed swell up, he wanted a cave of his own to provide shelter from the cold yet, he had none. And so an idea entered his mind a stucture built of wood, strurdy and reliable, a house, he had done it, he proved to be slighty smarter than the deer he helled at. Before relaying this vital information to his peers Washington spoke his most famous quote that until today is well nown and versed "If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."(or cold I dont know just roll with it man)(or woman, its all good) minase taki.kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

People becoming innovative[edit]

Since humans are beings who can never seem to be happy, people have taken to "pimping" their houses. Hundreds, possibly millions, now have the ability to pimp their houses. It has been found that people like to add garages housing anywhere from 10 to over 9,000 cars. Not only do people have large garages, but they also have many common features such as: mega swimming pools, football stadiums, Nascar tracks (for the redneck at heart), and of course, launch pads for ICBMs. It has been found that people with these stadiums usually lease or rent the sports teams to play in them, along with selling tickets for people to see the game. There are always losers in society who try to be crazy by making large kitchens and bathrooms, but then again, who the hell actually wants a large bathroom when you can have a mine field?

The Living House[edit]

A living house dealing with anorexia.

In recent years, architects have been losing jobs because of developers. To counter this, these crazy architects with too much time on their hands, have created the living house. Not only can these homes travel, but they have also been adapted to think and act like humans. Many psychologists have found this disturbing because of the increase in houses that have social problems. This can include emo homes, goth homes, anorexic homes, and obese homes.

Homes in the news[edit]

Recently, houses have been named by stupid people who think that places where people live should have names. One example of this is the White House, the place where the President lives while he/ she attempts to create more debt for the nation. Another prime example, is the Taj Mahal, which translates to "Yellow House" in some Middle Eastern language that few actually speak.

Fortress Homes[edit]

Over the years, it has become apparent that people need to defend their homes against the influx of immigrants and copycats. These copycats actually look at a house they like and then build it EXACTLY like that home. To many, their home is a sanctuary that creates an "escape" from reality and crazy people. To keep people from being plagiarizers, concrete walls resembling the Berlin Wall have been constructed. In addition, barbed wire has been purchased by homeowners in a rate that rivals that of Nazi Germany's barbed wiring of France. In recent weeks, guard towers have been constructed, mine fields laid, artillery purchased, and spotlights set up. In some cases, AA guns have been constructed on the tops of homes so homeowners can shoot down copycats in air balloons and small biplanes. This isolation has created many wars between neighbors or entire neighborhoods because people can usually find one thing that their enemy has that they have, such as: televisions, radios, lamps, cars, and stadiums.

See Also[edit]

The Seven Directions of Travel:
East   Home   West                
                    Milky Way
                    Far Far Away