Home Baking

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Fuck you, Encyclopedia Brown! Home baking is considered to be the most dangerous and most wanted thing in America. Home baking is the cause for almost all suicide attempts around the world and is responsible for global warming and Singapore. Marble ( The Metamorphic rock ) is created and destroyed by Home baking. Also if you don't use your Home Baking you run the risk of becoming pregnant. Home baking comes in many different types: List of home baking:

     - Rat Poison Biscuits 
     - Cat Food Cake
     - Lethal Weapon cupcake
     - Petrol Muffin
     - Chocolate chip Janola cookie
     - Goth Cake ( Don’t ask what’s in this one )
     - Pop scream tarts
     - Apple washing powder Pie

For more recipes ask your mum.

The History of Home Baking[edit]

Home baking was created in 1492. This is when Jesus Christ was complaining that it was really hard to find English muffins in England that weren't all made in China. Then When Brocky helped people across the road it was decided that home baking was to be created and become a part of the Modern Olympics. Home Baking started in homebakingtownwhereeverythingishomebakedandifyoudonteatyoursandwichsyoudontgetanycrackersorbars.

Homebaking and Sport[edit]

Did you know that if you don't eat your home baking you get very sick last spell on Fridays during your PE/Sport lesson. This is because you didn't eat your home baking and have missed the required amount of Rat Poison and Janola. Also if you don't eat your home baking you have to go to the dentist and get fillings.

My Mum Made it[edit]

Now the other day I was sitting with Friends and they were talking about a weird shaped Plum, One Said "Look at the shape, its a bit weird isn't it?" From that I replied "Its ok my mum made it." Because I'm going to admit to one of the worlds most top secret secrets and that is that my mum makes..... HOME BAKING, Fruit (Especially weird Plums), Weapons of Mass Destruction, Tropical Cyclones, Rain, and Hairados(like a tornado but to do with hair you know they are nowhere).

Now When I got home today I found that my mum had made some brownies from a box recipe that you can get at the supermarket... so being Brave and possibly a bit stupid I tried one and I have to say that they were pretty good although they did taste a lot like Cardboard.

Home Baking in History[edit]

Home baking is the cause for all the wars in history. In History you will see that during the first and second world wars, Germany dropped cup cakes and shot Mince pies out of cannons. The allied forces replied by eating all the home baking and subsequently firing cakes and muffins back at them. This resulted in mass amounts of soldiers being obese ( this was the most common injury suffered in the wars, and took the lives of many brave soldiers ).

George W Bush has lost his Home baking George W Bush is in search of his Home baking and is currently focusing all his forces on locating his lost chocolate pudding. He spent all his government funds on his search for the pudding and it was announced on Friday that CIA officials had located the missing chocolate pudding in Mr Bush’s stomach. From this announcement pictures of the missing pudding will be taken off milk cartons and billboards around the country. It’s rumoured that if you say “Weapons of Mass Destruction” to loudly George W Bush will come and find you IMMEDIATELY. However it’s recently been reported that if you say Home baking to loudly he will have the same reaction and may even attempt to destroy you with a weapon of mass destruction.

Current Issues with Home Baking[edit]

-by thumbtacked-guitar.

Along with the political conflict Home Baking contributes and all the war torn countries it has affected... There are many crippled birds undergoing the agony of suffer with broken and bent beaks. Home baking is why and is responsible for starting up Bird Flu cases. These cases can be purchased at a Chinatown near you! Purchase one today and get a free cookie! Please help fight animal cruelty. It's not right to bake raisin cookies at 300 degrees transforming them into possibilities of becoming metamorphic rocks of low grade. Don't feed the birds home baking. You know what has happened. How would you like it if someone threw a brick of cake at you? Fight animal cruelty and put a stop to homebaking. It only speeds up global warming and the greenhouse effect. And when the Paper-towel n' Bleach cookies from your mom's oven take over, it ain't gonna be pretty.



- Eat your home baking - To be Home baking or not to be home baking - Home baking is the number one cause of skin cancer - Use Home baking to prevent pregnancy

Home Baking and Christmas[edit]

( rubs hands crazily ) where's my calf... my caff...? Christmas as we all know is a very generous and giving time, a time to be 'together' and a time of seasonal unreasonable happy spirits. That's why; a) There are shitloads more homebaking ( so if you thought you had enough before, THINK AGAIN! ) b)Your mother is likely to jump out of the oven herself trying to be disguised as a Christmas elf, at the same time shoving some of her freshly baked Pine Needle Ginger Nut Cookies down your throat. WARNING: PNGNC ( Pine Neelde Ginger Nut Cookies ) may cause an irritable inflammation on the throat and rashes on the pallet. If you think there is something wrong and need medical service... just make your mother happy for Christmas and SWALLOW THOSE COOKIES! c)It's a time where George Bush finds a special brick of Christmas vegetable and date cake stuck on one of his high-quality microphones and blames his suicidal uncle for putting it there. d)George's suicidal uncle lost his fake teeth in a mixture of Flooring-wax Christmas Tart and threatens to kill himself with a pair of oven mits if Christmas runs into him around the corner of his convenient store. e)Your father becomes unreasonably stupid and hides in the oven to escape the irony of eating more homebaking. Instead of eating it, he becomes it and smells like a foul can of sliced peaches.. oh my! Just like your mother's Tabbybread Men. - again Thumbtacked-guitar is very grateful for not having to put up with so much dilemma ..anymore.

Things you need to know about Home Baking[edit]

If you are having problems finding money to pay for Petrol its ok here is a solution for you. For half the price of Petrol you can buy Petrol Muffins to feed your car. They are cheaper, last longer, and your car will think that they taste better. So remember when you next full up your car up dont choose 91 or 96 pick Petrol Muffins......Note: 'We Produce Faultly Petrol Muffins company' would like to inform you that if you are not careful with the amount of Petrol Muffins that you feed your car, it could go on a petrol high and then cause you to have steering, speeding or front hand back door engine problems (this problem occurred on a jet ski which ended up hitting the Titanic.) this however will not affect your ability to change the radio station.

Home Baking and Easter[edit]

At easter you get mini pancake things which I'm having trouble spelling.

Punishments for not eating your Home baking[edit]

Although homebaking is a criminal offense, there are many cruel punishments related to it if you do not eat it. One punishment is the task of having your head tied under water of your pool to understand the meaning of how hard Chlorine Cookies are to make. -Just a warning; this punishment may lead to copious amounts of water stuck in the lungs and can only be cured by some Varnish Soufflé. -Just a suggestion ; you may want to just go ahead and drown whilst you're at it. Do it properly otherwise you'll have to cough down the next batch of baking. Another punishment and this one usually goes out to the crime of not 'enjoying' your Petrol Muffins and that is the punishment of driving yourself over. Hey YOU! Do you have any idea how much petrol costs these days? And with the goodness in her heart your mum takes time in making these... wonderful... muffins CAUTION: HIGHLY FLAMMABLE, keep out of range of campfires unless your mum says different... mummy only wants the best. If you are unable to drive yourself over, your mum will gladly step in with a bus or try to pay a bus driver to be your hit person. Remember, every time you don't get hit, another batch of Muffins are coming your way! Isn't that grand? You get a punishment ontop of a punishment... trust mums to always step in and really...care.


In a new survey by the national governing body of home baking, 86.67% of people said that that they didn't like home baking at all what so ever and preferred sticking there faces into a vat of hot oil while being beating with one of Samuel .L. jacksong fat leather jackets.Another ten percent just ran away and cried. Although that means that an outstanding 3.33 percent actually LIKED home baking.I think this is just another incident of homusbakererianaphobia.

See Also[edit]

- Forced food

- Bird Flu

- Global warming

- Skin Cancer

- Rabies

- Animal Abuse