Home and Away
“I never used to watch this show, but now that they have girls kissing each other, I cant get enough of it!”
“Whoops, I was looking for Neighbours”
Home and Away is an Australian reality TV documentary, following the lives of the actors in Australian TV drama Neighbours, with which it should not be confused, and vice versa. It should also be confused with the Australian soap opera also called Neighbours. A third TV show, entitled Home and Neighbours, is currently in production, but recommendations for confusion of this have not yet been made.
The Meaning of "Home and Away"
The show has it's title because half of the characters in the series are currently away, while the others, of course, are at home. So yes, the show is pretty boring, but they did add in that lesbian story line to pick up viewers, and hell now everyone watches it!
Scriptwriting and direction
Since its debut in 1974, it has been written by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and directed by Stanley Kubrick. The show is noted for its hard-hitting commentary on social dysfunction, dealing with such issues as drug abuse, alcoholism, rape, sleeping, underage drinking, racism, eating pretzels, trailer trash, forgetting things, obesity, going to school, racism, cults, going to Adelaide, racism, fashion, cheesemaking and racism.
Moral issues and allegory
The only 'black' character, Alf 'Strike me flamin' 'andsome' Stewart, is in fact played by the white actor Sir John Gielgud. The UN Convention on Actors' Rights has repeatedly condemned this situation. As a snub to the UN, several episodes have featured Alf Stewart performing derogatory stereotypical 'black' actions like rapping, carrying suitcases and shizzling his nizzle.
Goethe's writing frequently presents characters with tortuous dualistic Faustian dilemmas; a particularly long-running example of this is the interminable indecisiveness of Stefan Dennis (played by 1997 Academy Award-winner Sir Charles Woodgang, GBE) about whether to have a beer at home or go to the surf club. The moral consequences of each, either and both actions are debated by Dennis's inner voices until the character has driven himself to such mental turmoil that his right leg falls off.
In a slightly famous interview in 1988, actor Terry Waite revealed that many episodes were allegorical. According to Waite, episode #2077, in which Waite's character Jim Robinson discovers his brother's car keys down the back of a sofa, is an allegory of Albert Camus's 1930 existential comedy La Peste ('The Pest').
Other allegorical episodes have apparently covered the invention of the steam engine (#733), the Second World War (#901-#902), the assassination of John F Kennedy (#1301) and the Spice Girls' split (#1677).
The 2000th episode, aired on 23rd January 2005, was celebrated by having each character deliver their lines through a kazoo.
You know we live by the beach
You know we are not neighbours
No matter where you are,
the surf club or the diner
Always rootin everyone
never keepin close
I want to go oh oh,
Away each day, Home and Away
In 1984 the show courted controversy.
Saudi actor Osama bin Laden made his screen debut on the show in 1992, playing the character 'Jason Donovan' in a hospital scene. He was shown hooked up to a dialysis machine and had only one line ("I would have, but there was no sherbet").
Croquet legend Sir Donald Bradman also appeared in an episode in 1954. In a non-speaking role, he was seen holding towels for then lead actor Søren Kierkegaard. Bradman's role has since been taken over by towel-holding specialist Ricky Martin, who has appeared as the same (unnamed) non-speaking character in every subsequent episode.
A number of now famous actors once graced the shores of Summer Bay. Lil' Lleyton Hewitt and his wife Bec Cartwheel won the Australian Open Mixed Doubles Tennis Final during a live to air broadcast during Home and Away's timeslot.
|An Australian stereotype. Calls male members of the town Bruces and female members of the town Sheilas. Also uses indistinguishable words and phrases such as "flamin' galalah", "Hogan's Ghost", "Struth" and "strike me flamin' 'andsome!" The residents of Summer Bay treat him like a god even though he's completely retarded. Runs a bait shop and has an unhealthy obsession with fishing. Rumours around the town say he has a somewhat 'colourful relationship' with the fishes he catches.
Recently it has come to light Alf has a fondess for sexual torture of young inhabitants of Summer bay, namely in his Fort Knox like rape dungeons. A memorable example occured when Alf threatened to drop his pants and show everyone his best work right in public, though his gratification was halted as he was told "not in the Diner Alf, not in the diner". When not sodomising youngsters Alf also enjoys 'stomping cunts' with his boots, wearing 'shitty fucking jackets', winning logies whilst at the same time taking the piss out of Rebecca Gibney. It also been reported Alf has has bought a share in a timber plantation, due to his constant need for more wood (get it) to build further dungeons.
Alf was previously married to a woman named Ailsa and had a son named Duncan. After Ailsa died, Duncan went off the rails and never spoke to Alf again.
|Also known as Milco, Mad Miles and Curly Haired Man. Originally appeared on the show back in 1957 as Sally's imaginary friend Milco. 50 years later, Sally found a dirty old tramp on the beach. Little did she know, this Tramp was her imaginary friend Milco. Except he wasn't imaginary and he was actually her brother. Rather than tell her straight out that he was her sibling, he wrote the words MILCO out on the beach but sadly the sea washed it out.
After slipping a large concoction of drugs into her drink one night, Sally suddenly became convinced via hallucinogenic flashbacks, that Milco also known as Miles was her brother. She then promptly employed him as a teacher in Summer Bay High despite having no experience. Mostly he sits in the classroom pulling stupid faces, eating food and generally just being really annoying. Sally obviously realised how damn annoying her long lost brother was and after a failed assassination attempt, she decided to leave the Bay to escape the Almighty headwrecker. Despite being as ugly as a koala's backside, Miles has no problem pulling the local Summer Bay Sheilas who all measure high on the Australian Scale Of Erections. Some of these ladies include sexy secretary Jazz Curtis, Penelope Cruz lookalike Leah Patterson-Baker, police babe and occasional lesbian Charlie Buckton, and plus size model Kirsty Sutherland Phillips.
Miles started a relationship up with Kirsty after drugging her. When the drugs wore off, Kirsty would split with Miles to return to her former lover and 'attacker' (that's Summer Bay language for rapist) of her sister Kane. Once Miles successfully assassinated Kane off-screen, he and Kirsty had a good relationship going for a long time. Poor Kirsty, however, felt trapped. Miles impregnated Kirsty and she miscarried. This miscarriage was the perfect excuse to leave Miles forever so with the help of her MILF Shelly, she and her son Ollie escaped Miles' evil grip.
Miles is in competition with local matriarch Irene Roberts to see who can collect the most strays of the street. Irene is seasoned at child catching but Miles is catching up quickly having taken in Kirsty's 'accident' Ollie, mental case Melody, 'the only Asian in the village' Jai and Paris Hilton wannabe Nicole.
|nicole came on the show and fell in love with her best friends dad.... now she is afraid thather current boyfriend isnt happy.... awww|
|he is a true romantic that is in love with a girl that is ditchng him for ugly little asian kids in japan|
|Marylin Chambers||Description coming soon!|
|Colleen Stewart||Desprate for gossip and cant keep anything to her self!|
|Irene Roberts||a lawyer!|
|Annie Campbell||romeo is in love with her but she is ditching him for japan.... what a sweet girl!|
|Ruby Buckton||she is shy!|
|Charlie Buckton||a police woman that thinks she is smart!|
|Leah Patterson Baker||is in love with the local priest who was the last person to see her husband alive she also lied to her son about his dad!|
|Vincent 'VJ' Patterson Baker||leahs niave son!|
|Angelo Rosetta||Description coming soon!|
|Elijah Johnson||the local priest that got caught by his boss kissing his girl friend (leah) not so chasitly in the caravan park!|
|Tony Holden||Description coming soon!|
|Rachel Holden||Description coming soon!|
|Harry Holden||Description coming soon!|
|Gina Austin||Description coming soon!|
|Xavier Austin||Description coming soon!|
|Martha Holden||Description coming soon!|
|Liam Murphy||Description coming soon!|
|John Palmer||Description coming soon!|
|Aden Jeffries||Description coming soon!|
|Justin Jeffries||Description coming soon!|