Hominid

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Hominid (n): Human/crab species that live under the sea


I will huff a kitten!

The history of the hominid is long and boring, so I'll just give you the gist of it:

One day God was sitting around with his angels in the clouds, and started to get kinda hungry. His angels were bitching about the fact that they had tried everything (literally), and really wanted something new to snack on. God asked them what sort of mood they were in, and some of them replied "Something kinda human, but more salty, ya know?". So God, in his infinite wisdom, scooped up a human (who was just sitting down to dinner with his in-laws) and a lobster (who was just sitting down to dinner with his fore-claws), and mushed them together in his mighty hands. What came out was a really interesting looking crab-person, who still remembered that he was just sitting down with some relatives, but now had the ability to skitter sideways. God told him to go forth and lay eggs, which was really a lot more interesting than what he'd been doing just beforehand.

The Book Of Job says the following about the lobster-people: "... and thenceforth they shall no longer live in mystery, and no longer will they fear the pads of butter, but will arise from oceanic mystery to devour the one the world calls Dubya... and some corn, too. They shall skitter from the seas, they shall skitter from the lakes, and they shall skitter unto honour in the hearts of all men"


Hominid Hobbies[edit]

  • Skittering
  • Swimming backwards, real fast
  • Seaweed origami
  • Singing "Under The Sea", over and over and over
  • Wiggling their mandibles around
  • Blowing bubbles
  • Waving their claws threateningly
  • Catching unwitting sailors and pirates
  • Making preparations for devouring George Bush.
  • Loudly exlaiming "Woop woop" in a frightened (as opposed to frightening) manner
  • Not existing in the Christian Universe

Religion[edit]