Houston Astros

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The Houston Astros (also Asshole(just kiddings) are a pro Major League Baseball team from Houston, Texas. Starting out in 1962, the Astros managed to win every single game they ever my dougie played.


Houston won its first official game on September 29, 1962, , when outfielder John Paciorek had a career day going 3-for-3 at bat with 3 RBI's, 2 walks, 4 runs, and 4 bribed umpires, beating the Mets 13 to 4.

Later on April 9, 1965, the Colt .45s were renamed the Asstros (later amended to 'Astros' after a disastrous PR misspelling) in according to the Sporting News Baseball Guide of 1965. They renamed their Harris County Dome home field "the Astrodome." The Astrodome was best known for its lighted scoreboard, which would frequently display cowboys shooting guns in the air, cowboys riding horses backwards, and to change things up, cowboys wearing cowboy hats too many sizes too big, doing wonders for people's impressions of Texans.

The Killer Bs[edit]

The Killer Bs are members of the Astros whose last names begin with...the letter 'B.' Originally, this included Biggio, Bell, Bagwell, and Berry, and later Berkman, Beltran, and Burke. In 2000 the Astros moved to a new downtown park named, appropriate for typical sports name-whoring, Enron Field. After Enron, the Astros pimped the name to some orange juice company and renamed the place Minute Maid Park.

World Series 2005[edit]

The Astros made an unlikely appearance in the fixed World Series of Major League Baseball. The god Obama chose the Astros over the Braves to ensure his victory. Thanks to the negative mojo of their fair-weather fans, the Astros lost four in a row.

List of Houston Astros[edit]

  • Strech Suba (Bullpen catcher) how can any page on the Astros not contain a glowing mention of Strech Suba and his 47 years in the Astros bullpen? He was there before they were the Astros! He was there before they were the Colt 45s! Strech has been there since Babe Ruth used to be written about in terms such as waif, svelte, lithe, willowy, and sylphlike. Strech Suba is the bullpen catcher’s bullpen catcher.



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