HowTo:Achieve leet

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On the eighth day, my father brought us Leet

Origins of leet[edit]

The state of mind that is leet is thought to have originated with the ancient leetians. It is thought that achieving leet was a rite of passage for these people. It is believed that the first person to achieve leet was HullaBalu, with our current evidence it shows that he achieved leet while involved in an argument with the rest of his village. He soon conquered the rest of ancient leet and taught the rest of the ancient leetians the secrets of leet.

The downfall of leet[edit]

We can find no reason for the slow descent of the amount of people achieving leet. But my theory is that some people who achieved leet tried to use their new found skill for the well being and peace of humanity which contradicts everything leet stands for, so the true leetians stopped teaching people the secrets and this was the reason so many people stopped achieving leet.

Ancient uses of leet[edit]

There were many uses for leet in the ancient world, such as disappearing then appearing behind their enemy during combat and/or arguments. However leet was not always used to give such great advantages, for example the dinosaurs were in fact wiped out by a t-rex achieving leet then eating the rest of the dinosaurs in 2.6 seconds; such is the power you gain when you achieve leet.

Modern uses of leet[edit]

Modern uses of leet include winning very hard internet games with no apparent effort. Beating your obvious superiors by cheating, accidentally causing large hurricanes that wipe out most of New Orleans, by accident, honest, what you do not believe me? Then fuck you. Somebody who has completely mastered leet can cause things like the November 9th terror attacks and can make themselves internet memes within seconds of logging on to the internet.

Well known people who have achieved leet[edit]

Mickey's Bitch: A collection of the leetest musicians to have ever lived, including Jesus.

There have been several famous people who have achieved leet in the last few years these include:

  • Jesus (International Playboy)

My guide on achieving leet[edit]

While many believe leet speak to merely be a random code of replacing letters with other things so that other people can not read them, this is not true. Leet is a state of mind that once achieved gives you the ability to jump sideways into a set on dimensions so obscure and perverse that there is currently only one occupant, whose identity is unknown but who bares a striking resemblance to Chuck Norris. Which leet speak is the language of these dimensions. To be able to achieve the state of ‘leet’ you first have to download a program for sending instant messages. For example MSN messenger or alternatively AIM, now you may have noticed that I used the word alternatively, you may be asking yourself “why is he using such a big word?” well do not worry because I wont be using anymore big words because from this point onwards this document will become complete and utter drivel. Now after you have one of these programs you must get some friends, the best way to do this is to join a forum and post you uninformed useless views all over the place, and although they may not care, they will think you are very funny and instantly like you. Now that you have everybody’s respect, you can start badgering him or her for his or her e-mail and/or screen name. Now they may not give it to you at first but do not worry they are just amazed that someone like you is asking them for their e-mail/screen name (from this point onwards I shall refer to this particular saying as em/sn) after awhile they will stop wetting their pants and give you their em/sn. Now starts the next step, speaking to them in real time, now this can be a difficult stage for most people as they are unable to understand the language that is leet speak, but do not despair that is why I have written this guide. The first thing to do is to forget everything you have ever learned about spelling or grammar, now that you have done this you have to use emoticons at every available moment possible. Learning how to speak the leet language is slightly more difficult than everything that has proceeded so far, so here is a ancient document obtained with great difficultly from the treacherous wikipedians by yours truly. The contents of this document was once a well kept secret but I in my benevolence have decided to release this document on how to translate normal words into leet words, to you the public who are seeking to become leet

A = 4 /\ @ /-\ ^ aye (L Д

B = I3 8 13 |3 ß !3 (3 /3 )3 |-] j3

C = [ ¢ { < ( ©

D = ) |) (| [) I> |> ? T) I7 c1 |} |]

E = 3 & £ € ë [- |=-

F = |= ƒ |# ph /= v

G = 6 & (_+ 9 C- gee (?, {, <- (.

H = # /-/ [-] ]-[ )-( (-) :-: |~|

I = 1 |  ! eye 3y3

J = ,_| _| ._| ._] _] ,_] ]

K = >| |< 1< |c |(

L = 1 £ 7 |_ |

M =/\/\ /V\ [v] |\/| ^^ (v) nn

N = ^/ |\| /\/ [\] <\> {\} /V И ^ ท

O = 0 () oh [] p <>

P = |* |o  ? |^ |> 9

Q = (_,) ()_ 2 0_ <| &

R = 12 |’ |~ |? |^ |9 2 I2

S = 5 $ z § ehs es 2

T = 7 + -|- ‘}{‘ † “|” ~|~

U = (_) |_| v L| µ บ

V = \/ |/ \|

W = \/\/ vv \N ‘// \\’ \^/ dubya (n)

X = >< Ж }{ ecks × ? )( ][

Y = j ‘/ Ч 7 \|/ ¥ \//

Z = 2 7_ -/_  % >_ s ~/_ -\_ -|_

Thw Unknown Variable - This letter is so fucked up that we have no idea what it is. This is the only way to rise above other leetness, but its impossible.


Now this document may be highly inaccurate but it is the best my disciples could find, as I am too lazy to write one myself (wait am I contradicting myself here?) anyway now that you have learned the first steps to achieving the state best known as leet I shall reveal unto you all, the final secret to becoming leet, using your leet speak and your messenger program you have to be obnoxious and condescending to all your hard earned ‘friends’ once you have successfully alienated everyone from you, you may achieve leet. Soon I shall be achieving leet myself and shall be entering those obscure and perverse dimensions and I shall be releasing my guide to that strange place. Therefore, I say unto you all, goodnight suckers!!!