HowTo:Be an idiot
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How To: Be an IDIOT!!!
Some people will tell you that it's good to be smart. Right there is proof that they are NOT smart. Being smart sucks, because when you're smart, you get science kits and encyclopedias. When you're not smart, you get violent video games and porn thinly disguised as a 'comedy'. So here's a guide on how to be an idiot:
Step 1: Lose your smartness
Before you can be an idiot, you first need to stop being a nerd. Pull off your glasses and suspenders. Don't worry about getting hurt without them, because getting mortally wounded is one of the best bits about being an idiot! Next, go blow all your parents money on expensive clothes made in a sweatshop by some guy called Wang that are sure to fall apart as soon as you put them on. Doing this can kill two birds with one stone as not only will you be left nude in public but your parents will force you to get a job to pay back their money. As we all know, there's no easier place to lose a limb than the workplace!
Step 2: Learn how to do things the IDIOT way!
As a nerd, you may have learnt that you cross the road at the lights when the green man tells you to. Well, that's WRONG! As an idiot, it is your duty to cross the road through the middle of the intersection. If you want to make it EXTRA FUN, you can try spinning around three times and then walking across with your eyes closed, or even running (or rather, dragging) yourself across with 100 kilo weights tied to your limbs. The possibilities are endless now that you're an idiot!
Step 3: Get some Publicity!
No matter how stupidly you behave, it's not going to do much good if nobody knows about it. Therefore, you should try to be an idiot in a public place to get some attention. Once again, the possibilities are endless! You could appear at an airport wearing a beard and turban! You could bungie jump with a rope attached to your penis! You could even advertise Snuggies! Just use your imagination, and make sure you aren't in the presence of other idiots who might take the limelight! (that basically means that it's pointless being an idiot in America.)
Step 4: Get some Funding!
The best way to do this is to get a sponsorship deal, so when looking for a location for a public stunt, remember to check for any executives from companies who need dangerous work done, such as being a crash test dummy or testing KFC. Also make sure the pay's good, because being an idiot requires funding. Too many eager idiots jump at the very first offer they receive and end up doing 'volunteer' work in volcanoes. However, one could argue that they were simply doing 'what any self-respecting idiot would do,' that is, to risk their lives for nothing.
If you have followed this guide, then you are NOW AN IDIOT! Actually, when you think about it, by logging on to Uncyclopedia, you effectively proved you were an idiot already. Now if you would excuse me, I need to go scrape my brains off the walls. They exploded when I started trying to think.