HowTo:Cook gourmet

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

Getting Started[edit]

I know this is what you want.

Bottled water does NOT qualify as a body of water, no matter how similar they sound.

Find a location near some body of water or in a skyscraper, and set up a snooty restaurant. This can set you back anywhere between $500,000 dollars and $10,000,000. Now hire a chef with a French name and get him to do the following:


Although to have real gourmet food you need the above, you can still try this recipe at home. It helps to keep track of what Yan has done, especially since if Yan can cook, so can you!


* 1  	lb   lean ground beef
* 1 	cup fresh white breadcrumbs
* 1 	clove garlic, crushed
* 2 	tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
* 	salt and pepper (optional)
* 1 	egg, beaten
* 5 	ounces mozzarella cheese
* 1 	tablespoon vegetable oil
* 1 	onion, chopped
* 1     (14 ounces) can tomatoes, chopped
* 12 	ounces spaghetti (or preferred pasta)
* 1     Garlic Breed
* 1     Leaf


  • Put the beef, breadcrumbs, garlic, half the parsley, salt& pepper into a bowl.
  • Add the egg and mix well.
  • Cut the mozzarella cheese into 16 small cubes.
  • Take a heaped teaspoonful of beef mixture and form it into a ball around each cube of cheese.
  • Heat the oil in a large covered pan, add the meat balls to the pan, cover and cook until brown on all sides.
  • Add the onion to the pan, cook for 2 to 3 minutes, then add the tomatoes and juice.
  • Bring up to a simmering point, cover and cook for 30 minutes.
  • Cook the garlic breed.
  • Uncover pan and cook for a further 10 minutes to allow the sauce to reduce and thicken slightly.
This is what you get. If the plate looks like this. Well Done.
  • While the meatballs are cooking, cook the spaghetti in boiling water until done to your preference.
  • Drain well and divide among 4 warmed plates.
  • Divide the sauce among the plates of spaghetti and then sprinkle with the remaining parsley.
  • Share out the garlic bread.
  • Throw the food against a wall.
  • Take one piece of garlic bread and place in the middle of the plate.
  • Fit as much of the smashed food on top of the garlic bread.
  • Place a leaf on top.
  • Serve.


The final and best part is the billing of your customers. Sit down and work out your costs and then charge 70 times that amount.

Well done! you have now cooked gourmet.