HowTo:Kill Terminators

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Terminators are hard to kill. They have metal skeletons wrapped in flesh and computers for brains, Toughness 4, 2+ Armour, and a 5+ Invulnerable save. Ugh. A space pirate from 4096 AD has seen all Terminator movies and has given us a list of ways to kill them. Except for "Terminator 3" which he claims to have difficulty remembering, but found an alternative way to kill Terminators anyway.

Terminators will lure you into a mode of sympathy with Human emotions and looks. Ignore them and follow our simple rules...and stop staring at this image.


The many ways to kill Terminators[edit]

A terminator seconds before exploding, this will only happen if you follow these steps correctly.
  • Lure them into a factory that has large machine presses, and trick them into being flattened by them. "Terminator 1"
  • Lower them into hot molten steel vats and melt them down into the base metals and burn them alive. "Terminator 2"
  • Uh I wasn't paying attention to this movie, my ADD took control. Challenge them to a game of "rock paper sissors" and then cheat by using "tiger claw", "pen missile" or "the bomb" and this overloads their logic circuits and they blow up. "Terminator 3"
  • Invite them into your house, show them Arnold Schwarzenegger movies on your DVD player. Watch as they commit massive suicide. "Terminator 4"
  • Reformat their hard drives, install Windows Vista without any service packs at all, then connect them to the Internet. Let the Malware do the job for you. "Terminator 5"
  • Introduce them to the Cylons, watch as they wipe each other out for the rights to wipe out the human race. "Terminator 6"
  • Show them The Matrix. That will kill them with boredom, since they are part of much cooler adventures "Terminator 7"
  • Elect them into Congress and the Senate, watch as they can't get anything passed because of humanities Leader in the Senate like Ted Kennedy (Also the author of the Senate comment says waterboard Nancy Pelosi!) who oppose them and cause gridlock via filibusters and other means. Eventually they give up and self-destruct. "Terminator 8"
  • Get them accounts on Kuro5hin, let the trolls take care of them. "Terminator 10"
  • Give them the bill for the US federal deficit, watch as it causes a buffer overflow when they try to process a number that high. "Terminator 11"
  • Get them to type /msg #reality $ip, then run a nuke script on them. "Terminator 13"
  • Dress up as a female terminator to distract them, then hit them in the head with a humorously over sized hammer. "Terminator 14"
  • Take a pepperoni, and punch it through their heads. "Terminator 15"
  • Spill a coke over them. "mythbusters" "Terminator 16"
  • Connect them to Wikipedia. it would give a fuck about killing humans, and fall prey of the evil itself. "Terminator 64"
  • Go out and have dinner for two with one. "Terminator 69"
  • Tell them to use their metal arm to put a knife in a power switch and watch as they blow up from too much power. "Terminator 220"
  • Put them on front of Wraiths, goth-looking vampire alien life-suckers, and watch them wear out and disintegrate. "Terminator 1337"
  • Tell them to hold a fork above their heads on the tallest building in the city during a violent thunderstorm and watch them melt/explode/short circuit/etc."Terminator 438"
  • Install Crysis on their system and set everything thing to High and watch them explode. "Terminator 71"
  • ask them to calculate 9/0 and watch their System's memory leak and shutdown. "Terminator 72"
  • Tell them to compute the exact value of pi and wait the piddling few microseconds it will take for them to blow through their memory allocating stack frames for the operation. "Terminator Pi"
  • Press their off switch. "Mr. Data"
  • But the easiest way still is blowing their head off with a bazooka. Except if they auto-regenerate. And are helped by nano-robotic technicians. And don't have brains.
  • feed them rock pops and Pepsi, then watch their aniasidic sensors blow a hole in their stomachs. or repeat process with Pepsi and Mentos, shake them with a paint opener, and watch them fly into a factory with a lot of large pounding machines.
  • Introduce them to the Borg, and watch them being assimilated. "Terminator: Resistance is futile"
  • Try to make it guess where a woman's penis is located* "Terminator: Menstruation of Doom"
  • Step on them with a Titan "Terminator 40,000" (this one doesn't always work)
  • plug in a keyboard, hit ctrl+alt+del, wait for the command prompt and then format the hard drive "Terminator: The early days of MSDOS"
  • eat spinich, you'll literaly kick their arse to the moon
  • Lure it onto gang turf and gang members with deal with it. NOTE: You might want to keep running due to the fact that the terminator will probably make short work of the well armed gang members.
  • Hire the Mafia to stop it. NOTE: You may want to reconsider this due that the mob is going to get pissed at you when they find out that the job is suicide.
  • 2 Tanks (fully epik Tier7.5) 6 healer and 17 dd(no melees each of them about 4k dps).Spam devastate all time to reduce terminator armorand go go go.(Enrage timer 30 sec) "Terminator:Wrath of the Terminator King"

Known weaknesses of Terminators[edit]

  • Macgyver
  • Rickroll
  • Walking slowly in robot form than in Arnold form.
  • Loading a shotgun round after the gun shop owner tells him he can't do that.
  • Telling the gun shop owner that he is wrong just before shooting him.
  • Telling truck drivers to "get out!."
  • Pissing off the police.
  • Causing several car accidents.
  • Stealing vehicles,preferably a police car.
  • killing anyone who stands in their way of course.
  • Booze and Hookers.
  • 48 Months interest free at Harvey Norman
  • Can't pass up a bargain.
  • Always looking for clothing after time traveling.
  • Have problems looking up the correct person in the phone book
  • Constantly gets written messages over their field of vision.
  • Speak broken English with an Austrian accent.
  • Have more muscles than brains.
  • Suffer from a form of red eye syndrome similar to what the Cylons suffer from. Needs sunglasses to cover up their red eyes.
  • Always star in B-Movies.
  • Have to stop to check their makeup, see if they have an eyeball hanging out or skin falling off.
  • Matt Damon
  • Can only see in the colours red & black and even then it's pretty crap.
  • Have low-level cussing abilities.
  • Unable to take a joke.
  • Are bad at public relations.
  • Make terrible Governors and other politicians.
  • Subject to sexual harassment lawsuits.
  • They always come back. Even worse, they tell you they'll be back. As if I'm hanging around here waiting for that motherfucker.
  • Plasma Guns. AP 2 means Termies only get 5+ Saves. Same applies for Lascannons and Demolisher shells (who said the Imperial Guard suck?).
  • Any Rending Weapon. A 6 on wound (which is probably what you need to wound the Termie in the first place) means they're stuck with a 5+ Invulnerable Save
  • The Nightbringer. If it can kill a freakin' Bloodthirster, then what chance does a Terminator stand, eh?
  • Mysterious sentances and poor spellung
  • Runs on MSDOS
  • Terminators cant resist Pork pies

If you see a Terminator[edit]

  • Run!
  • Do absolutely nothing as he's after John Connor and not you
  • Start doing a shitty dance as you know Judgement Day's coming. You know you may even survive and manage to kill John Connor and his pathetic Resistance. "HAIL TO THE MACHINES!"
  • Wet your pants.
  • Ask for an autograph.
  • File a sexual harassment lawsuit.
  • Start praying.
  • HIDE, FOR GOD SAKE!
  • Just say "No", when he asks "Have you seen this boy?".
  • Get on your hands and knees and beg for mercy. NOTE: The response from the terminator will be less than merciful.
  • Ask if it has insurance.
  • Ask why it chose 1984 not 1959 when Sarah Conner was born.
  • Ask wheather it wants the blue pill or the red pill. NOTE: If does not want either pill then just run away.
  • Ask why it keeps failing its mission.
  • Fly to another country because terminators seem to hunt their targets in the state of California and nowhere else.
  • Call it a fuckin machine. NOTE: You may piss it off even more.
  • Yell at bystanders around you that, "HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!" NOTE: Someone might take your advice, laugh at you, or just might pull out their gun and shoot at the terminator but fail stoping it with their life if your lucky.
  • Ask it if it is a nice night for a walk. NOTE: The terminator may be naked.
  • Don't refuse to vacate the vehicle if it asks you to get out because he'll probablly kill you if you don't.
  • Hit them in the face with a pie.
  • Talk to them about the economy
  • Tell them that they have an eyeball hanging out, then run.
  • Ask them to explain how Supply-side economics works.
  • Make fun of their silly accent.
  • Say "Oh look, it is Sarah Conner! Hi Sarah" and then run when they look to see if Sarah actually was over there.
  • Don't even think about using the stairs. It won't work. They're not fucking Daleks you know!
  • Don't cross the streams. If you get hurt, don't say I didn't warn you.
  • Punch them in the face and continuously insult them. WARNING! This is not recommended if you wish to stay alive
  • Dress in Black and Red so they can't see you.
  • Tank Shock them and hope one of them decide not to run away.
  • Heavy Bolter their asses.
  • Plasma, Plasma, Plasma, Plasma, Plasma, and did I say it? PLASMA!!!
  • A Leman Russ Demolisher - all it's weapons have AP2 or better. Muhahaha!!! That'll teach them.
  • Melta Guns. AP1 is awesome. Besides, I wanna see em' MELT!!! MELT!!! MELT!!! MELT!!! NMuhahahahaha!
  • Railguns.
  • BFG.
  • Enough bolter shots will blow them back to their own time!
  • Ask what are all the numbers of pi. that'll give you enough time to kick him in the groin and run.
  • Shoot so many bullets in them the sheer weight of it stops them... eventually...
  • Overuse Warhammer 40k related jokes on them.
  • Press R1, R1, L2, R1, Left, Down, Right, Up, Left, Down, Right, Up. QUICKLY, THE COPS ARE AFTER YOU!!
  • Hook them up to a 220 volt AC circuit, they are only wired for 110 Volt AC in the USA, and the European standards will short circuit them and fry them.
  • Ask them what the square root of minus one is. This will blow their heads off. However, later models will just be stalled
  • Write rotanimreT on a card and show it to them. It should send them back to the 5th dimension as they speak their name backwards.
  • Terminators also fall for a banana up their tailpipe, it clogs their exhaust port and causes their internal engines to overheat and stall.
  • take out taser, fire,.... and then find a substation to attach leads to (should vaporize their circuitry and motors rendering them inert)

Whatever you do...[edit]

  • DON'T Charge you freaking Canadians into them. Termies have W4 for the Emperor's Sake!!!
  • Don't Charge ANY Tau unit into them. The Tau have enough trouble against GUARDSMEN. IT is most certainly NOT for the Greater good to get hundreds of Fire Warriors butchered in Hand-To-hand. For goodness' sake,
  • If one says "I'll be back!" get the fuck out of the police station! Do not just stand there and wait for him to come back in a pickup truck and run you over.
  • Regular ammo just makes them mad, don't use it. Not even a shotgun can hurt them. Terminators are not known for their sense of humor, because they lack those.
  • Don't make fun of their silly accents, it only wastes time that you could have used to run away.
  • Do not crack Irish jokes, it only makes them angrier. The same goes for German of Austrian jokes either, they just piss them off more.
  • Do not, under any circumstances confront a Terminator directly, always keep a good safe distance between yourself and the Terminator. If you try to punch or kick them, you are even dumber than you look.
  • If a Terminator looks like it is out of power, get the fuck away from it! Terminators are well known for activating backup power, or even operating without a head on their body. They also have their own built in UPS battery backup unit, and a spare CPU in their chest cavity so they can operate without power or a head for quite some time.
  • Do not attempt to run a Terminator over in a morris minor. The terminator will easily avoid this with only minimal damage.
  • Don't dance in front of their assault cannons
  • Do not attempt to steal a Terminator's leather jacket, they'll be so pissed off, they'll kill you instead of John Connor
  • Give him your clothes, boots and your motocycle
  • Don't feed him after midnight
  • On the same note, don't feed him
  • Especially don't feed him Arby's, or he may be more likely to kill you
  • YOU DO WHAT YOUR TRAINED TO DO, YOU RUN

See also[edit]