This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
Ah, yes. The evil laugh. A necessity if you wish to take over the world. Before you read this, theres something you should know. Laughing evily is not for everyone. Failure to follow this guide will likely result in a swift and brutal kick in the loins. If you're prepared to take this punishment, get reading. Otherwise, fuck off.
Why to Laugh
Never laugh evilly without having a good reason. Consider whether the situation you currently face is appropriate for the evil laugh. Appropriate situations include:
- A small child dropping his/her ice cream cone
- A clown in any form of pain
- If you fart in a car with other people in it (be sure to laugh AFTER they notice the stench, or they will catch on and roll down the windows
- Any time you see something on fire, especially if it is small and fuzzy (i.e. your neighbors puppy)
Again, make sure the situation is appropriate. For there are times to laugh, and there are times...
When not to Laugh
As shocking as this may be, sometimes the evil laugh isn't cool. Sometimes you laugh at an old woman who trips, and she maces you for "sticking your foot out". Then the authorities come and you get tazed. Either way, you look like the enormous bag of douche that you are. Here are some situations that are decidedly inappropriate for an evil laugh:
- The pope is nearby
- At the police. Seriously. Don't.
- If the man you're laughing at is larger then you
Evil laughter is an art. You have to do it right. You can't just flail in there, or else you'll look like a fag. There as a proper posture, and if you want to pull off a good evil laugh, you'd better follow it.
- Head tilted back
- Hands on sides (not on hips, or people will think you're gay.
- Feet spread to shoulder width
Now that you've got the basics, its time to bring it all together. This part is relatively simple. Assume the position and laugh. Laugh like its your fucking job.
After a good evil laugh, you may feel like your life is complete. And you're absolutely correct. Nothing you ever do could possibly top this. Therefore, do not laugh too often, or else it will lose its novelty. Plus, you'll look like a queer.