HowTo:Make Banana Terracotta Pie

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“You need 3.14159 bananas”

~ Tamia

Watching too many flash animations? Listening to System of a Down and wondered about the interesting foodstuff that the mention in one song? Well fret no more, this HowTo will help you. For after reading this you will become a master of 'making Banana Terracotta Pie.

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The idea of such a pie first came from the song Vicinity of Obscenity but people know it as "Banana Terracotta Pie" because it is easier to remember.

Terracotta Pies have existed for many a year yet nobody ever thought of making a banana one. Sadly when the song was written secretly telling the listener pretty much everything you need and some of the instructions that type of pie had fallen out of favour, probably because people stopped eating terracotta, probably because it did not taste like other cheeses.

Some people don't think it is a food but they are so WRONG! Don't listen to them. Don't even bother about that page.


To make this pie you will need

Did you know…
36 pieces of terracotta makes up 1 soldier
  • Stuff to make pie
You know, stuff like pie bases, and tops
  • Milk (preferably a seat of some sort)
  • Whores
  • Meat
  • Feet

Other Stuff[edit]

  • Cooking implements, if you don't have any then BUGGER OFF AND GET SOME!!!
  • Some sort of bludgeoning device
Like a baseball bat maybe?

Or you could even use a banana

Getting the Ingredients[edit]

Now you have to get the ingredients.

Known Issues[edit]


suck my balls

If you are in China, try to steal a soldier from the tomb thingy in Xian, there are plenty of them

If you are from Australia be prepared to pay a fortune for decent bananas. Or just steal them from the palm. I don't care. Terracotta is not a very common cheese and will be expensive anywhere you are in the world. If you are in a vegetarian society it is unlikely that you can make this pie because you need meat. Cannibals have the meat but they might not have the whores. alot of vagina put ur banana in the terracotta! If you cannot find any whores, we can help. Just visit the Whorum there are plenty of them there and we probably won't even notice if one of them goes missing. Just find them and abduct one. Alternatively, you may find them on Myspace.

Did you know…
Contrary to popular belief their feet do not matter in any way

If you live in a society which opposes pie for some reason, perhaps you should overthrow the government. Do it, even if it is a Scandinavian utopia.


  1. Organise the bananas, pie stuff and terracotta and organise them into the charges. Each 'charge' has three pieces of terracotta, one pie, and a varying amount of banana. All but the second one has 8 bananas, the second one has 10 bananas.
  2. Preheat an oven to 360 degrees (called a 'circle' in cooking terminology)

These steps from 3 are all done rather fast

  1. Starting with the first one mix the banana and terracotta together in the following order: Banana, Banana, Banana, Banana, Terracotta, Banana, Terracotta, Terracotta (x2).
  2. While mixing this you should be holding the container as the perfect way to hold a baby. What? Didn't I tell you? You can't use a mixer, so too bad. You have now just wasted some perfectly good banana terracotta pie.
  3. Place this mixture in the first pie.
  4. Repeat using the second charge.
  5. Now, Put a milk seat in a giant pot and get the whore to sit on it (the seat not the pot stupid).
  6. Put the pot over an open flame. What we are trying to achieve here is that we 'juice' the whore. If it dies while doing this, throw it away.

The reason we are only using one whore is that as well as saving a natural resource, it has been proven that one whores juice is better then many of them.

  1. While waiting get the meat and the bludgeoning instrument and start beating the meat. Only take a third of the meat.
  2. Now go back to making the charges. Continue making them until you have 6 pies and have beaten the meat a second time.
  3. Get an even bigger pie and place the pies, beaten meat, and the whore juice in the big pie and place in the oven.
  4. Wait about a day, and then remove.

You should now have a wonderful tasty banana terracotta pie. tip; go in a fast motion when beating the meat. then the terracotta pie should be ripe and wet for you

Other Recipes[edit]

All the recipes are the same in essence. There are a few differences, like using wire, or horses. These give a different taste to the final product. However there is nothing better then the original recipe that you see above. let me fuck u senseless ;D

Other facts[edit]

  • This pie is the only pie within a pie.
  • It should feed 26, so it is great for parties.
  • By multiplying a banana terracotta pie by radius squared, you will get the area of your mom. hi patrick. lets make terracotta pie ;D dooooo meeee nooooowwwwwww! get your pie ready and i'll bring the bananas. is ur banana hard? rock hard . let me beat ur meat.
  • The dude who wrote the above note is gay.
  • If you want you may use dildos instead of bananas