HowTo:Overcome your fear of flying

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Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Overcome your fear of flying. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

“I'm Tamia - fly me!

~ Tamia

Flying is one of the most common ways of traveling long distances in modern times. Although flying is very safe, some people are still afraid of flying. This guide is designed to help people overcome their fear of flying. Like cars, planes can have accidents from time to time. Unlike car accidents, however, which only kill a small number of people, plane crashes can kill hundreds of people, even more if it hits a building. It is commonly said that flying is safer than driving, although the National Transportation Safety Board (2006) reports 1.3 deaths per hundred million vehicle miles for travel by car, and 1.7 deaths per hundred million vehicle miles for travel by air.

The odds of dying on a plane are very slim. Only one person died during this flight

Admitting you have a problem[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fear of flying.

The first step in overcoming your fear of flying is admitting that you have a problem. Considering how safe flying is, it's not normal to be afraid of sitting in an enclosed tube, several miles in the air, at 500 mph, surrounded by a bunch of strangers. They say that driving to the airport is more dangerous than flying, but do you know anyone who has a fear of driving? Once you get over that, the best method to overcome your fear is to face it head on.

Things that can happen on a plane[edit]

The Autopilot will fly the plane if the pilots are not able to, such when they get up and meet the passengers in the cabin or if they eat the fish

The main problem with many fears is the fear of the unknown. The following have been known to occur when flying:

What to expect[edit]

  • You will be enclosed in the aircraft cabin
  • The plane will fly very high
  • You will not be in control of the plane, and sometimes the pilot isn't either. In fact, the plane may sometimes fly itself
  • Panic attacks will be difficult and/or embarrassing (agoraphobia)
  • Your plane may fly at night or over water
  • Delays
  • Lost luggage
  • Lines for the bathroom

Your luggage[edit]

You can check some of your luggage in before getting on the flight (for a nominal fee, of course). This is good for large suitcases, and items that you won't be able to get through security (such as liquids, weapons, bombs, and dirty underwear). Your airline may let you take one or two bags on the plane as "carry-on" items. Keep in mind that airlines have been known to lose checked in luggage, so be prepared if you never see your bag(s) again. Should this happen, the airline may refund the $20 you paid to check it in.


If you have doubts, DON'T GET ON THE PLANE


Provided that the people at airport security are doing their job, terrorists and hijackers should not be a problem. Terrorists and hijackers attempt to take control and pilot it into buildings. They may or may not have a bomb on board. In most cases, terrorists can be identified by their middle-eastern appearances and constantly bowing down for "Allah" but careful as this is not always and the man may just be an ordinary Muslim. When in doubt, just assume that he/she is a terrorist.


Turbulence is a common occurrence when flying. This occurs when the plane loses lift and enters a state of free-fall. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, and watch your fellow passengers crash around the cabin. Turbulence can occur at any time, such as when flying through a storm cloud.

Bird strike[edit]

Due to most plane having to share airspace, there is the potential for the plane to collide with a bird during flight. In addition to collisions with the windshield, obstructing the pilot's view, birds can also be sucked into the engines, causing them to jam. In 1988 an Ethiopian Airlines Boeing 737 sucked pigeons into both engines during take-off and then crashed in an attempt to return to the Bahir Dar airport. Be wary if you see birds at the airport.

Ground damage[edit]

Sometimes air crashes are caused by damage sustained by the aircraft on the ground. There are many vehicles on the tarmac when the plane is at the gate, including the food trucks, luggage carts, and jet-ways. If a driver makes a wrong move and hits the plane, a hole may appear in the plane, causing it to de-pressurize during flight. Keep a watch on those vehicles and make sure they don't come too close to the plane. If one look likes it's getting too close, or you see a crack or hole in the plane, notify the attendant at the gate.

Planes come in many different shapes and sizes


On an airplane, hundreds of people sit in a confined space for extended periods of time, which increases the risk of transmission of airborne infections. For this reason, airlines place restrictions on the travel of passengers with known airborne contagious diseases (e.g. tuberculosis). In 2003, on one flight from Hong Kong to Beijing, 16 of 120 people on the flight developed proven SARS from a single initial case. To avoid getting infected, try not to sit around people who look like they are sick and wash your hands frequently.


This guide is about overcoming your fear of flying, not your fear of snakes.

When choosing an airline, look for the flying kangaroo. Qantas has a perfect safety record.


With all that jet fuel, the hidden electrical wiring, and people smoking in the lavatory, fires have been known to occur on civilian aircraft. Should a fire occur, or you smell smoke, piss on it and you cna go back to your seat knowing you have done the best you could. Fires can lead to other disasters, including spontaneous in-flight explosions

Choosing an airline[edit]

When it comes to flying, not all airlines are created equal. If you want to travel from Cincinnati to Los Angeles, there are several options. One is to travel by Greyhound, which can take a week or more, and taking a Greyhound bus can be an experience in itself. The main reason for flying, however, is that is is much faster than taking a bus. In this case, the best way to travel from Cincinnati to LA by plane may be via Qantas. This will require travelling to Melbourne, but this comes with the advantage in that Qantas planes never crash.

Another option is flying with JetBlue Airways, or JetBlue for short. While their safety record is not as impressive as Qantas', the freely available TVs, satellite radio, and Skymall catalog will distract you from the fact that the engines are held together with duct tape.

If flying with either JetBlue or Qantas turns out to be too expensive, or your destination is not served by them, consider other airlines. American Airlines and United Airlines, for example, are the airlines of choice for terrorists, with Delta being their third choice, though that flight was delayed. All three airlines are considered "Legacy" airlines, because they have been around longer, and are therefore more experienced.

Budget Airlines[edit]

Budget airlines have experienced a surge in popularity due to the economy and fuel prices. Budget airlines provide low fares by cutting back on some features, such as in-flight meals, pilot training, extra engines, safety inspections, fleet upgrades, complimentary peanuts, and people at the check in desks. If you want to be safe on a plane, pay extra for an airline that actually inspects its planes. One notable exception is RyanAir who instead covers costs by charging passengers extra for premium services, such as use of the restroom.


If you find a bomb on board, don't try to diffuse it yourself

Airport security[edit]

Airport Security is the government's first line of defense against terrorists. In many cases this will mean having to remove all your clothes and walk through a metal detector. The US Government recently discovered that terrorists could make bombs from water, so all liquids are banned from planes. This is all for your safety, and helps reduce the lines for the bathrooms on the plane. To expedite going through security, use the bathroom before going through. Be sure to ask the TSA officials if they have seen anyone carrying a bomb.


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about SSSS.

SSSS is a method that the FAA uses to weed out potential terrorists. You may be unaware that your friend, mom, or child could be a terrorist. Fortunately, the airport security will pull them aside and prevent them from getting on the plane.

On the plane[edit]

Getting on the plane is a huge milestone in overcoming your fear of flying. Be sure to make yourself aware of the plane itself and be sure you know the locations and operating instructions of all the emergency exits. Check all the overheard compartments and under all the seats for any bombs that airport security may have missed. If you have any doubts about the safety of the flight, such as seeing people with middle-eastern appearances, ask to have them taken off the plane.


Bring a parachute with you on the plane.

The wings[edit]

The wings are what makes the plane fly. Look closely and you may see them wobble, just like a flapping bird. They usually have lights on them too, so that other planes don't crash into them.

Maybe they should have used more duct tape

The engines[edit]

The engines are what propel the plane forward. Most planes have two or more engines and they usually hang from the wings. When one fails, the other(s) can take over, though it may take a bit longer to get to your destination. Should an engine fall off in flight, it should not matter too much, as the other engines take over and the reduced weight of the plane makes it easier to fly. If all the engines fail, the pilot may make an emergency landing, although usually the plane will just crash.

The bathrooms[edit]

The bathrooms of a plane are small, cramped, and usually have a line. They are equipped with smoke detectors, so if you want to light up, don't do it in there. If there is a bomb on board, it may be hidden in the bathroom.

The cockpit[edit]

The cockpit is usually located at the front of the plane and this is where the pilot and co-pilot sit and drive the plane. There are two pilots so that if one of them gets food poisoning from eating fish, the other can fly the plane himself. Should both pilots choose fish (or be attacked by terrorists), hope that one of the other passengers on board knows how to fly a plane, or ask the terrorists very nicely if they can land the plane in a safe area.

Most planes has two pilots, so that the other will fly the plane if one is not able to.

Choosing a seat[edit]

On this flight, the best choice for a seat would be on the left side of the plane.

Most airlines allow passengers to choose a seat before boarding. First class seats are usually located at the front of the plane, and those passengers are most likely to die in the event of a crash. The cheapest seats are towards the back, and as such are the safest. There is great debate over whether window or aisle seats are better. The clear answer is an aisle seat. Aisle seats have the advantage in that you can easily get up and go to the bathroom, and are less likely to fall out of the plane in the case of explosive decompression. If you are seated in an exit row, make sure you know how to operate the emergency exit as you may need to use it in the event of a crash. Feel free to practice using it during the flight.

Your seat may be equipped with arm-rests and seat belt. The seat belt is designed to hold you in your seat during sudden impacts or decompression (however few people survive sudden impacts in a plane, with or without a seat belt). You may be asked to take on a "brace position", but the reason for this is so that more people die instead of suffering from life-long disabilities. Above your seat you will see controls for the fan, light, and a little red button that you should press if it looks like a wing is going to fall off, you hear a strange hissing sound from the window, or your bag of peanuts is empty. Also above your seat will be a compartment for oxygen masks. These serve multiple purposes, including allowing people to breath should the aircraft depressurize or the toilets back up.

In the seat pocket in front of you, you will find all the necessary items for flying. The most important is the safety card. In addition, you will probably find a barf bag, an empty bag of airplane peanuts left by the last passenger, the Skymall magazine, and the airline's magazine showcasing the movies that will be shown on that little screen several rows in front of you. The safety card will tell you about the make, model, and features of the plane you are flying in, such as how many bathrooms it has and the location of the emergency exits. Make sure you study and memorize this card in the event that an emergency does occur.


This is what happens when you leave your cell phone on during takeoff.

Congratulations on making it this far. The next step is to make sure you stay on the plane when it takes off. At this point, it is absolutely critical that you switch off all electronic devices, including cell phones, pacemakers, and iPods. If the person in seat 5B has their iPod turned on, do whatever it takes to make sure they turn it off. Even the slightest electrical current can completely throw off the plane's navigation system and send it hurtling towards the ground. It is almost absolutely certain that at least one child will start to scream at this time. This is completely normal.

Remote control cars[edit]

Once the plane is in the air, you can turn electronic devices back on, except for cell phones, remote control cars, and old radios. Remote control cars are not be used in flight because they can be a distraction to other passengers and pose a tripping hazard for the flight attendants. Modern planes can also be flown by remote control by a crew in the control tower. Remote control cars may interfere with this operation and it is recommended that the use of remote control cars is reserved for those who have a pilot's license already.

During the flight[edit]


Try not to fall asleep during the flight. You may need to wake up in a hurry should there be a need to evacuate the plane

Airline food[edit]

Airline Food is a marvel of modern innovation. The flight attendants have the ability to serve hundreds of people in a matter of minutes, offering your choice of steak or fish. Drinks may or may not be offered, depending on much in fluids the flight attendants were able to smuggle through airport security. Upper class passengers may be offered alcoholic beverages.


An airport landing

The final part of the flight is the landing. When the plane lands, it slows down rapidly, touches down, and then levels off. There are several types of ways a plane can land.

Airport landing[edit]

Airport landings are among the most common. When a plane flies, the landing gear (wheels) retract to make the plane more aerodynamic. Sometimes these wheels fail to fold back out, resulting in a "hard landing". For landing such as this, most airports have a fire department on hand to extinguish any fires that may break out during this time. After landing, the plane will make its way to the gate. Many airport landings are also accompanied by smoke and flames to add to the effect.

A typical landing at NASA Ames Research Center in California

Crash landing[edit]

The second most common type of landing is the crash landing. In many cases crash landings are unintentional, but in some cases, they are intended. In most crash landings, people may die and such landings make the news when they occur.

"Ahoy Captain! I see land on the starboard side!"

Water landing[edit]

The opposite of a hard landing is a water landing. Planes are positively buoyant, like boats, and will float on water, until it starts to take on water and sink. Each seat cushion can be used as a flotation device and life jackets are available to add to the boating experience. In addition, each emergency exit is equipped with a giant inflatable slide that can be used as a raft. For your benefit, pack your swimming trunks in your carry-on luggage, as the flight crew may restrict access to the luggage compartment. Keep in mind that water landings can be rare, and wide-body jets are not capable of such a landing.

The Black Box[edit]

The Black Box is a box (though contrary to popular belief, it is usually painted red or orange) that keeps track of everything on the plane, and is usually the only part of the plane to survive intact in the event of a crash. The Black Box records critical data during the flight, such as the number of people on board, the amount of fuel left, and the exact location where the plane went down. Engineers considered creating an entire plane out of the same material used for the Black Box, however, the plane was considered too expensive, as most airlines are struggling to cut costs wherever possible.

Alternatives to flying[edit]

If worst comes to worst, there are some forms of transport that are safer than flying. These include


After reading this guide, you should know about all there is to know about planes and flying and that there is nothing to be afraid of. We hope you have a safe flight.

See also[edit]