HowTo:See if You are OCD

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

So, you think you may or may not have the illness/disorder/condition/status/affliction known as OCD. But you are too lazy/afraid/cheap/nervous/agoraphobic to see a shrink to make sure if you are. Well, don't worry (Too much) we at Uncyclopedia have developed the at home OCD test for you!

Rules, Order, and Procedures[edit]

  • Disinfect Keyboard and Monitor.
  • Read each thing on this Page.
  • In order, of course.
  • Repeat.
  • In addition to this test, scan through 4 different search engines, WebMD, Wikipedia, PubMed, Uncyclopedia, the Physician’s Desk Reference, and recordings of the Discovery *Medical channel for “OCD” and see if you meet any of the criteria.
  • Check the stove.
  • Compose a spreadsheet listing all the different, similar, and conflicting symptoms of OCD that you find, and see which apply to you.
  • Ask your neighbor if they apply to you.
  • Forward this to all of your friends, in alphabetical order, and ask to see if you fit the criteria.
  • Call them up to make sure they got it. But only during even hours. And even minutes.
  • Visit them in person to make sure they did.
  • Make sure all doors and windows are locked in your house.
  • And your neighbor's house while you are at it.
  • Check the stove.
  • Wash hands.
  • Wash your left hand first!
  • Count to 1000, skipping all odd numbers, except for prime numbers other than 3.
  • Make sure that none of the pictures in your house are crooked.
  • Get out a level and be sure.
  • Use a level to check said level.

Questions[edit]

  • Do you wash your hands every hour, on the hour?
  • Do you only wash your hands an even number of times?
  • Do you spell check Wikipedia?
  • Do you think public rest rooms are GERM LADEN PITS OF HELL?
  • Do you not shake others hands, out of fear they have been to said pits of hell?
  • Or done anything else, really?
  • Do you really notice when someone breaks patterns, such as the question above?
  • Do you feel like editing the entry to make it consistent, in cases such as above?
  • Do you make sure all Uncyclopedia articles have even amounts of vowels?
  • Do you have over 100 copies of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?
  • Do you make sure every page on Uncyclopedia has an Oscar Wilde quote?
  • Is it bothering you that this one doesn’t?
  • Did you check the stove?
  • Do you check the latest statistics for deaths for each mode of transportation when planning trips?
  • Did you do that, and then decide it’s safer not to leave the house?
  • Ever?
  • Do you ever fear that you are actually uneven, but no one ever tells you?
  • Do you always have disinfectant, bleach, fire extinguishers, disinfectant soap, disinfectant wipes, chlorine, hydrochloric acid, and gas masks on hand, just incase?
  • Did you notice that some sentences are ended in commas, not periods?
  • Do you try to park your car, if you drive still, in a way that the hub caps are perfectly aligned with each other?

Results[edit]

If you read this far, you probably have OCD. Go wash your hands to be safe. And check the stove!

See also, in order[edit]