HowTo:See if You are OCD
So, you think you may or may not have the illness/disorder/condition/status/affliction known as OCD. But you are too lazy/afraid/cheap/nervous/agoraphobic to see a shrink to make sure if you are. Well, don't worry (Too much) we at Uncyclopedia have developed the at home OCD test for you!
- Disinfect Keyboard and Monitor.
- Read each thing on this Page.
- In order, of course.
- In addition to this test, scan through 4 different search engines, WebMD, Wikipedia, PubMed, Uncyclopedia, the Physician’s Desk Reference, and recordings of the Discovery *Medical channel for “OCD” and see if you meet any of the criteria.
- Check the stove.
- Compose a spreadsheet listing all the different, similar, and conflicting symptoms of OCD that you find, and see which apply to you.
- Ask your neighbor if they apply to you.
- Forward this to all of your friends, in alphabetical order, and ask to see if you fit the criteria.
- Call them up to make sure they got it. But only during even hours. And even minutes.
- Visit them in person to make sure they did.
- Make sure all doors and windows are locked in your house.
- And your neighbor's house while you are at it.
- Check the stove.
- Wash hands.
- Wash your left hand first!
- Count to 1000, skipping all odd numbers, except for prime numbers other than 3.
- Make sure that none of the pictures in your house are crooked.
- Get out a level and be sure.
- Use a level to check said level.
- Do you wash your hands every hour, on the hour?
- Do you only wash your hands an even number of times?
- Do you spell check Wikipedia?
- Do you think public rest rooms are GERM LADEN PITS OF HELL?
- Do you not shake others hands, out of fear they have been to said pits of hell?
- Or done anything else, really?
- Do you really notice when someone breaks patterns, such as the question above?
- Do you feel like editing the entry to make it consistent, in cases such as above?
- Do you make sure all Uncyclopedia articles have even amounts of vowels?
- Do you have over 100 copies of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?
- Do you make sure every page on Uncyclopedia has an Oscar Wilde quote?
- Is it bothering you that this one doesn’t?
- Did you check the stove?
- Do you check the latest statistics for deaths for each mode of transportation when planning trips?
- Did you do that, and then decide it’s safer not to leave the house?
- Do you ever fear that you are actually uneven, but no one ever tells you?
- Do you always have disinfectant, bleach, fire extinguishers, disinfectant soap, disinfectant wipes, chlorine, hydrochloric acid, and gas masks on hand, just incase?
- Did you notice that some sentences are ended in commas, not periods?
- Do you try to park your car, if you drive still, in a way that the hub caps are perfectly aligned with each other?
If you read this far, you probably have OCD. Go wash your hands to be safe. And check the stove!