HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article
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Everybody wants to make an UnNews article. They look at it, and think, "Wow! I can make news stories!" Then they do it. Unfortunately, few actually know how to really create an UnNews article.
So what do they do? They briefly look at other UnNews articles and attempt to figure out how to write one. This method is 100% unreliable almost 100% of the time. UnNews is not monkey see, monkey do. We are professionals (or like to think so). UnNews is about satire: taking true stories and making them funny. Alternatively, you may write an article which is partially or completely made up. In this case, the trick to this is to make it appear to be news.
Make An Article
Before we go in-depth about how to actually format an article, we'll look at some things you should/shouldn't make an article about:
- Make an article about a real event that occurred, yet twist some of it around and fake some quotes. Great places to find real stories would be news websites. Just find the most interesting article and rewrite it in a humorous fashion.
- Create your own story, but make it sound realistic. "Alien hotdogs go on rampage and start eating people!" is not a good title or subject for an article. It may be creative, but it's far from believable or funny.
- Link to other UnNews stories, or use them as sources. Expand on other UnNews stories.
- Write a racist, sexist, homophobic, or generally hateful story. This violates Uncyclopedia policies.
- Have an extremely politically-biased article. Don't favor anyone or anything in an article. This is not Fox News. Personal agendas should not be promoted.
- Make articles to simply insult celebrities, politicians, or anyone else that you disagree with. Calling George W. Bush a monkey may be nice for political cartoons, but it hardly makes an interesting news story.
- Create stories that don't appeal to most. Inside jokes, memes, and names of your friends should never be included in an article. Ever.
- Finally, if you're still unsure about whether or not the news story your about to writer violates the above guidelines, then simply just don't write it and try something else.
Now that you know what is acceptable and what isn't, the UnNews format is fairly simple. The most confusing part for some may be the "Sources" section, but we'll get into that later.
It is generally accepted that titles should be lower-cased (except for proper nouns, etc.).
Location, Location, Location
UnNews articles start with the location in which the event took place (this falls upon the "who, what, where, when, and why? of journalism). Below is an example:
CHERNOBYL, Ukraine — Ten-legged reindeer were spotted by touring nuclear scientists today after...
Note that the more precise of the two (the city in this case) is capitalized, possibly emphasizing accuracy. Also, the entire location is bolded, and then followed up with a dash, after which the news story begins.
Most UnNews articles use a double dash ("--") or dash ("-" or "—") to lead from the location to the article itself. It is also acceptable to use a colon (":"), but anything else is prohibited and could get you shot.
At least one picture should be in your article. Most pictures should range from 180-300px in size. Additionally, if your picture is longer than your article, lengthen your article.
It is preferred that you find a picture already on Uncyclopedia as oppose to uploading a completely new one (we call this "recycling"). If you absolutely must upload a new picture, please make sure that it is relevant to your article and helps add visual representation to the article. A humorous caption would also be nice.
Many may be confused about the "Sources" section. First of all, you don't have to have two sources or even one source, so don't think that just because there are two sources tables that you have to have two sources.
If you made your article about a real event, find a real news article online about that story, and copy and paste the URL address to where it says "url=". Basically, here's what to put:
url= [put the URL of a real news article here]
author= [put the author of the news story]
pub= [put the publisher of the URL above (CNN, MSN, BBC, etc.)
date= [date the article was published]
Nothing pisses us off more than typos and grammatical errors, especially if we decide to add an audio to your story. It's almost effortless to simply copy and paste an article and run it through a spell-check or submit it here. Here's how to do your own spell-checking if you're a moron:
- Click the "edit" tab at the top of the page, or if you're already editing it, skip this step. This is essential, because copied work from anywhere else other than an edit box cannot be read by some spell-checks.
- Find an online spell-check, or use a word processing program to spell-check your work after you paste it. Remember: copy, don't cut. Cutting can cause you to lose your article.
- Correct any misspelled words.
- Copy and paste the work back into the edit box over the old work.
Because spell-checks aren't flawless, read over the article yourself to make sure everything is in order. Make sure things sound right, because inconsistency is one of the number one causes of premature article death on Uncyclopedia. We cut this one guy's fingers off for writing a really horrible article one time.
For more on spelling and grammar, go here.
It cannot be stressed enough that red links are %$#@ing annoying. Red links are links that go nowhere. To avoid red links, do a search on Uncyclopedia to actually see if the article you're having the article link to even exists. Of course, do this in a new window to make sure you don't lose any work. Or you could just press preview and check to see if there are any red links prior to saving.