HowTo:Grease Lightning

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Grease Lightning.

This is the simple step-by-step Guide to Greasing Lightning

1) Catch some lightning. Bolt lightning is the easiest to catch, but ball lightning will get you better results. To catch the lightning you need a very big net and a large plastic pot. Simply snare the lightning in the net and place in the pot. Make sure the lightning isn't earthed. If it does somehow unearth itself it will go straight for your privates. So I'd suggest tightly fastening your lightning or your dick will burn.

2) Get a bucket of grease and large brush.

3) Secure the lightning with a rope, making sure not to earth it.

4) Use the brush to liberally apply the grease to the lighting. (It is advisable to wear rubber gloves at this point.)

5) Enjoy your newly greased lightning.

Uses for greased lightning[edit]

Once greased, the lighning has many purposes when applied improperly. The following list is just some of the possible uses for your newly greased lightning.

- smiting your enemies

- increase vehicle ground velocity (not to be operated under the influence of alcohal, but drugs are okay)

- write snazzy jazz songs

- irradicate constepation (and I do mean irradicate, use with caution)