How to slowly become less random

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First you must be random/insane/sexually confused.
If you are already FUCKED DOWN in the head you may skip this step.

Attempt to interpret this line of text:

“this is my blood, for some reason it's wine. I guess that's cuz I'm such a fucking alchoholic, lol”

~ Jesus on Trying to slowly become less random (he is one of my more successful little bitches)

What did you invision when you read this?
A Nacho?
A Robot Monkey dancing around a question mark made from cheese?
A flaming kitten being huffed by a man who had his heart torn out by satan through his left ear?
TEsting testing. ME?
Jesus Christ Superstar, perhaps the most historically accurate movie I can think of, I wish I was a Roman soldier so I could have a sweet fucking ass gun and I would take out all the rabbits on earth and turn them into jerky?

If you answered yes to any of the above.....

It's too late for you and I can't help... Or, you are lying... But whatever it's all sweet

You are way too random, Infidel!

StEp OnE[edit]

(Time to start.) Remember it's a slow process so get the forks and spoons out of my leg and open your fucking ears. Jesus loves everyone but you because once this ATM machine ran up and kicked me in the face so I blew it up with a cat holding a grenade in it's mouth and it's anus was stuffed filled with dynamite. Hi everyone, my sister just shot herself in the bullet with her face. OMFG!!!! I looooove pancakes, I wish I had one right now, I would have a pancake orgasm!! Drink my fat ugly nipple milk, how am I even lactating I'm a Man?!?! Why do men have nipples anyway? We don't even use them... God may be Omnipresent, Omniscient and Omnipotent but he is also fucking OMNILACKING EVIDENCE! If men evolved from apes why the fucking Zombie Jesus are there still motherfucking apes. GiVe My FoRk CoVeReD sNaKe BaCk PlEaSe. MY ARM IS LEAKING TOMATO JUICE AND IT FEELS LIKE A HEADACHE IN MY ARM!


Step Two[edit]

(Stop being so random by stabbing yourself and crossing out the random things you say.) The penguins have walked into the supermarket and then they bought their chilli, acted like small flightless gentlemen and left. The Supermarket people bitches wandered over to the dead cat's face and poked it's eye with a Stick.

While I was on the computer trying not to be so random, I realised I had just stabbed myself and crossed out the random shit I was typing.

Or are you?
But are you Really?

Why not?
Just because, jingle bells powerwasher.

Step Three[edit]

Ignore Step two, Unless it is too late. (Cats eat fish.) In that case you are FuCkEd Up in the head for stabbing yourself you stupid son of a bitch. What are these strawberries doing on my nipples? I need them for the fruit salad!! Anywhoo... It's ironic because to get to step three you need to do step two, and step three tells you not to do step two so really if you slowly try to become less random there will be a universal paradox and the universe will implode on its self.

Step Four[edit]

If you are, you aren't random. You are just plain stupid. Or have way too much time on your hands. I'm sorry if I have wasted your time by not telling you how to become less random and have just been scribbling words together like a retard and talking about the universe imploding because I told you to do something and then told you not to do that thing after you have already done it and when you don't do it must be after you have done it...

Step Five[edit]

If you have noticed, my words slowly became less random as the article has moved, and I have successfully weaned you off your extreme randomocity. Congratulations, you are nearly as normal as the rest of us.