Hubble Space Telescope

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Hubble image of "The Finger of God" near the Eta Carina nebula. Thanks to Hubble, we now know what God really thinks of humanity.

The Hubble Space Telescope is the most sophisticated toothpick ever devised by mankind. It is capable of removing food from between a man's teeth from 17 light years away (19 if the food is trapped in a woman's teeth and traffic is light).

History[edit]

Built in 666,666 BC by Barney Hubble, the neighbour and coleague of sir Fred "Hoyle" Flintstone, it permitted to witness the Big-Bang, the famous cambrian explosion that created the universe and at the same time killed the dinosaurs. The debate over this explosion set animosity between long time friends Fred and Barney, since dinosaurs were used as slaves in industrial facilities while machinery wasn't invented. Their extinction would imply in the unemployment of both who worked at the same facility, and also would slow down the evolution of civilization, something that Fred "Hoyle" Flintstone couldn't accept. He freaked out and developed psychosis that was since then called Steady State Syndrome.

One of Flintstone's reasonings of why big bang could not have happened was that it could not have originated the universe at the same time that universe already existed, killing dinosaurs that existed in the universe, prior to the universe origin. It was later explained by Albert Einstein's theory of relativity. Hoyle kept denying anyway, and denied even evolution in some instances, saying that the transitional form Archaeopteryx was actually a monster made probably by dr. Frankenstein or dr. Moreau in order to sustain the doctrine of evolutionism. Despite of his psychotic condition, Flintstone was entitled a knight by Bristish monarchy, but after that he participated of only a few battles and jousts.

Hubble space (or aether) Telescope was originally used by crazy dancing people (who are thought by some to have actually invented it) as an alternative to footwear in medieval Europe.

Today, the spaceborne device is best known for its long standing friendship with Robert Deniro.

NASA's Filthy Little Secret[edit]

Occasionally NASA claims that this legendary device has managed to take a photograph of some alien world, scientific phenomenon, or Santa Claus. Every time they make this claim, I think to myself "Whoa! They make toothpicks with cameras attached?" These rumours are largely unsupported, and likely untrue, however, as none of these so-called "Pictures from the Hubble" have ever been seen.

Some fabricated photographs have been published. But, as we all know, these were, actually shot in the hollywood basement of Freud and Willy Wonka, back when they were roommates in college. Both men admitted to the scandal after investigations by the RIAA, who can't keep their noses out of anything.

The wherabouts of the top secret facility used in control of the Hubble are still uncertain, although applications are constantly pouring in from restaurants requesting the use of the device. Many people believe that the Telescope is stored in Outer Space, although those rumors are regarded as largely untrue.

Initially the telescope was developed and used to view and record upskirt panty shots in malls in the far reaches of the galaxy, such as Pakistan. However, George Bush got ahold of the telescope and jerked off all over the lens while on one of his coke trips, and I don't mean a trip to the store for a Coke. The repairs were too costly and the telescope was shot down rather than repaired.

A view of Zula from the hubble telescope.

Recent HST Allegations[edit]

Some people allege that the Hubble Space Telescope is entirely a figment of your imagination, and is actually the Hastings Scuba Training Facility located in Hastings, Minnesota. There have been exactly two graduates of this fine institution, all showing remarkable scuba-diving skills. So far, as of 2005, they have found mud, a stick, and a space telescope.