Huff (house demolition)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Part of a series of articles on
How to huff a cigar

Huff Dens
Black hole

Huffing animals
Kitten Huffing

Object huffing
Article Huffing
Huffing the universe
Atheist huffing

Sigmund Freud
Big Bad Wolf
Anti kitten huffing

Orange sherbet
Depleted Kitten

Much Ado About Huffing
Soviet Galactic Battle Fleet

Huffing and Puffing as a method of house demolition was pioneered by B.B Wolfe. In desperation (or maybe it was the "substances" they were taking) he was driven to use his amazing lung capacity to blow down houses with pigs in them. Obviously, this process was extremely lengthy and difficult, and as a result houses are now demolished with easier methods.

B.B Wolfe[edit]

B.B Wolfe was the first demolition specialist to apply the huffing principle to the trade in a project for the urban renewal. Specifically he developed the technique for application in the property owned by T. L. Piggs family. His approach of huffing and puffing to blow their houses down, proved successful in two out of three dwellings.


Huffing your own/your neighbours/that annoying guy down the road's house, however, is still a good way to get revenge on them, if you are not prepared to blow you/your kitten up or get eaten by a Grue to demolish their house. It is recommended by several so called experts that you have medical assistance on standby, as severe lung and throat damage may result.


The first step in the huffing process is to inhale deeply and rapidly. As deeply as you can. The velocity of the inhalation is critical ... it is the most important part of the huffing process and is extremely difficult to master. The amount of air you need to breathe in will depend on the type of building-reinforced concrete bomb shelters will take more air than a house made of straw. The precise amount of air will vary, but scientists hypothesise I think is unreliably estimated at 42 litres.


This is where you let all the air out from your mouth. Farting may demolish the target house, but it will have various side-effects, including the mysterious disappearance of your sense of smell, all onlookers, and also the medical assistance on standby. Note that you should try to exhale in the direction of the target house-it is extremely embarrassing to find you've huffed your own residence.

Huffing houses today[edit]

Huffing houses is now considered an outdated process as many safer and more reliable demolition methods are available, namely suicide bombers, ninjas, pirates, ninja pirates, clowns, and ninja pirate clowns. However, it is rumoured that satanic wolf clans still practice this ancient art.