Hugh Manatee

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Hugh Manatee is a large aquatic mammal, primarily known for his presence at the explosion of the Hindenburg zeppelin, and Jimmy Carter's ongoing quest to build him a habitat. Born in 1875 in the Florida everglades, Hugh Manatee would go on to become a philanthropist, Navy chaplain, fast food chef, and celebrity pharmacist. At his 1976 funeral, there were over 3.14 attendees.

Early Life[edit]

Hugh Manatee was born in a house he helped his father build in south Florida. The son of Gus and Martha Manatee, Hugh soon took a liking to baseball--an interest that would remain with him his entire life, but would get him absolutely nowhere (although, this one time, he came "so close to getting laid"). It wouldn't be until his graduation from St. Jude's College of Hair Design in 1902 that Hugh achieved a degree of notoriety. From then on, he was moving up. He became chancellor of Germany, and later adviser to some jerk, but i don't know who. It was because of this that he was asked to be present at the Hindenburg explosion.

Involvement with the Hindenburg[edit]

Hired as safety inspector for the event, Hugh apparently forgot to inspect it for safety. But he was seen by a noted radio announcer, who, overcome with joy at seeing such a good-looking manatee amid the carnage, immediately shouted out "Oh, the Hugh Manatee!"--a phrase that many would wonder about for years to come. This simple exclamation, however, was enough to propel Hugh to stardom, and helped him to launch a successful jazz career--simply proof positive that radio killed the video star. Or however that song title goes.

Search for a Habitat[edit]

Hugh's jazz band, Hughy Lewis and the Noose, or whatever he called it, would have numerous hits on the charts throughout the forties and fifties, but soon Hugh lost track of the general public, and his band fell in popularity rapidly after its ill-adivsed experimentation in electro-clash. The band broke up, and Hugh was left on the street, penniless (primarily due to his failure to have any money). It was about this time that he met up with Jimmy Carter (brother of well-known beer producer Billy Carter). Jimmy immediately took up the cause, forming Habitat for Hugh Manatee, and telling America, "It is imperative that we build this noble manatee a habitat. Something nice, you know? It doesn't have to be the ultimate bachelor pad or anything, but maybe just a ranch-style home with a basketball hoop and a two-car garage. Is that reasonable, you slobs? Oh, and one more thing--somebody get me a sandwich." Carter soon had his sandwich, and after four years of fundraising, Hugh moved into his new home, sometimes referred to as the Playboy Mansion (he also assumed a new last name, in an attempt to evade the IRS).

See Also[edit]

  • Hugh Heffner
  • bad puns
  • jazz
  • things that blew up
  • Al Gore's DVD and Book, "An Inconvenient Truth"
  • Joseph Romm's book, "Hell and High Water"
  • Thomas Friedman's book "Hot, Flat and Crowded"
  • Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring"
  • Paul Ehrlich's "Population Bomb"
  • Mary Ruwart's " Healing Our World: In an Age of Aggression"