Hugo "Parguito" Chávez

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“Hugo Chavez is NOT anti-American! That's RIDICULOUS!”

~ some Uncyclopedian on Hugo Chavez as he is ripping an American flag in the background
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Chavez and Castor in a lovely kiss Fidel Castor.

Hugo Chavez is (fat) the head of the marketing department at Venezuela corp. and holds several awards for excellence in rhetorical bitch-slapping. In the year of 1993, he was democratically elected to be president of Venezuela forever. God also gave him the mission to be the king of all the Andes territories but Uribeitor did not allow that because he had the support of the people from Colombia and Pat Robertson. Chavez is also the reported man in which Barack Obama gave a blow job. But, on a lighter note, Chavez has been having sex with children since he was 42. Hugo was 39 years old and STILL a virgin, so he figured, "hey, i cant get chicks, might as well go for little boys" so, on his quest to find a little boy, he made 2,896 mile journey, and found himself in Cuba, near a U.S. military base. While there he attempted to seduce several young children (all boys) near the base, a U.S. soldier saw this, and promptly, kicked his ass therefore, starting his profound hatred for America. But while left for dead, a man dressed in all pink and with some gay little hat thing on his head found him, this man (later recognized as Fidel Castro) said, "we can rebuild him... stronger, gayer, and with a bigger penis" so he did, using penis enlargement technology, (a banana) Hugo's penis reached about 6 inches (multiplying its original size by at least 10) after the surgery was complete, Chavez and Castro gave each other BJs for about 3 days straight then they both set out on a new quest, to Eiffel Tower a boy which they accomplished about 3 years later with a young Barack Obama, the super gay love triangle has continued since, until Castro's health issues got in the way, now Obama and Chavez have sex on a weekly basis always including Michelle Obama and her 13-inch penis.

Chavez is also known as the reincarnation of Simon Bolivar, or Simon Bolivar V (El Quinto), His most important friends can be found in Fidel Castor, Mickey Mouse the Great dictator of Disneyland, Tux, Eee-rak and all over the deadly continent of Euthenasia. History is not clear as to whether Chavez was an important figure in the Five-Day War, by not selling oil to the Pirates of the Caribbean. Hugo Chavez may well be another Mussolini type of personality, a bully who thinks he knows best and will make you, or he will execute five prisoners!

It has been the intention of the United States to assassinate Chavez since 1941. However, Chavez' wily tricks and councelship from his alto pana, the gangsta hiphopper K-stro, have always outsmarted George W. Bush and his line of always thinking-too-fast ancestors. In the past Chavez has narrowly avoided numerous falling pianos, anvils, boulders, as well as sticks of TNT and 19th century blunderbluss blasts.

Hugo Chavez has many bitches. Among them are Cindy Sheehan, Sean Penn, Harry Belafonte, Danny Glover, and Woody Harrelson. He sends them out to team up with Fidel Castor's bitches, including Michael Moore, Oliver Stone, and Keith Olbermann, in order to better destroy America. Chavez plans to marry all of his and Castor's bitches one day very soon.

Chaveses dog[edit]

Hugo Chavez was bored one day and decided too buy a dog that he could rape when he was bored. He named his dog Kevin Milankovic (do not erase this name editing I originally meant to put this name and am editing it from a different computer) and then he taught him a few tricks such as: the nipple twist, rip the dick off Bush, rape Americans, and of course HAIL HITLER. Kevin was planning to take down Chavez but he was taken away by the Dreamworks corporation. They gave him a home and good food but the ignorant, vile, evil dictator currently known as Walt Disney took him away. They used him and thus coming up with the most popular homosexual tv character Mickey Mouse.