Common people

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A common person

Common people can be found at supermarkets. I don't know why, you have to start somewhere. So let's start it here.

Common people tend to rent flats above shops. They usually cut their hair and get a job. In the evenings they smoke fags and play some pool. During this time they are compelled to pretend that they never went to school.

When they return to their flats above the shops after playing pool, they lay in bed and watch roaches climb the wall. This is because common people don't have any money.

Common People dance and drink and screw. All at the same time. Oh, and they'll tear your insides out. Look out.

Emulating Common People[edit]

If you want to emulate common people and do whatever common people do, you have to fulfill a number of criteria:


  • You want to live like common people
  • You want to do whatever common people do
  • You want to sleep with common people
  • You want to sleep with common people like me

Well, what else can I do? I'll see what I can do.

Let 'em eat cake[edit]

It is a tradition every election cycle for politicians to assimilate with the very people they have the least in common with; common people. Known to visit bowling alleys and sip beer from a champagne glass with extended pinky (while trying not to grimace), they may even sport flip-flops for added effect. This comes as a direct result of the activities of the Illiterate Peasants Revolt (known in the U.S. as the Tea Party). Disgruntled at not being able to afford to spend their days at Starbucks, the mobs converge wherever free coffee and donuts are available.