“ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!”
“An American if I've ever seen one.”
“ HHMMM! you are a honey!! Are you from around here??”
“This shows been going downhill since season 3 -- Hummana hummana hummana”
“Brought to you by The Space Pope.”
The Unspeakable Evilness that is Hypnotoad
Hypnotoad has committed scores of hideous crimes against many other toads and engineers alike, and is also believed to be ultimately responsible for the Great Civil Engineering War of 1888. Hypnotoad in its early days in the 1880's disguised itself as an immigrant from China, ensuring that it had finacial security in it's never ending years of torment to follow. During the twentieth century, hypnotoad became aware of radio and television technology and begun it's plan of domination. Sociobiologists have recently released a study showing that Hypnotoad may have also been responsible for the creation of commercials for endorsed products. Hypnotoad, being an opportunistic creature was primary endorsed by pharmaceutical companies and Wal-Mart, and used it's persuasive techniques to saturate the commercial media. Hypnotoad can also be applied topically to the cranium for other forms of commercial persuasion. Obama is rumoured to utilise this technique of political persuasion during the American elections.
The Creation of Hypnotoad
Hypnotoad is thought to be the lovechild of Grigori Rasputin and Oscar Wilde, born of a single night the two shared while on spring break in Cancun in 1491. Rasputin later sued for custody, but lost as a result of Hypnotoad mesmerizing the jury. Rasputin later committed suicide via consuming excess lentils and baked beans.
Hypnotoad, folowing the death of Rasputin, was mourning for many years. It sought psychotherapy by a lauded therapist, but alas utilised its persuasive techniques through Hypnotoad's topical application to the therapist's cranium.
Hypnotoad spent much of its childhood in that puddle of water that never really dries in the alley behind your apartment building. While growing up there, it studied Shakespeare, marketing and Quantum Mechanics. At age 9, it published the first in a series of papers titled "A Midsummer's Study In Longitudinal Application of Salt to Snails". The papers were disregarded in the academic community, and Hypnotoad enrolled in Catholic Seminary school.
Despite early setbacks, Hypnotoad continued to write, eventually penning a pilot script for a sitcom called Everybody Loves Hypnotoad. The show was picked up for an initial season by UPN. Unfortunately for Hypnotoad, UPN was no longer a network at this time. Hypnotoad did not know this, however. After all, Hypnotoad is just a toad. Or is he?
Hypnotoad then moved on to create a comedy show called Monty Toads Flying Circus. However, after a ravaging by the press Hypnotoad abandoned the venture and spent fifteen years dealing drugs in Manchester backstreets.
Hypnotoad was quick to turn his fortunes around, finding employ at Ye Olde Webbe Desyne Shoppe, where he and Al Gore laid the foundation of tubes that would one day become the internet. This was an uneasy partnership, as Hypnotoad and Gore constantly argued on how to actually construct the internet. Hypnotoad postulated that the internet should be comprised of large trucks, filled with hyperlinks by galactic steamshovels. Gore, on the other hand, preferred that the internet be constructed out of a series of lockboxes, one inside of the other. In the end, the two compromised, and the series of tubes that we know the internet as were laid down (an idea later expounded upon by senator Ted Stevens (R-idiculous).
The next year Hypnotoad was drafted into service in The GI Joe - Transformers War, where he earned the Newberry Medal for writing The Last Newberry Medal Winner Dies Horribly; What's A Starscream?. Along with earning this medal, Hypnotoad served with distinction and was commended for providing the Transformers with their transformation sound (chu-chu-chu-chu-chu).
Following this, Hypnotoad embroiled itself in sponsorship by pharmaceutical companies and retail outlets, and will represent any commercial company with appropriate remuneration. Hypnotoad urges any potential clients to kneel down and present their craniums to its tender feet and persuasive techniques.
Hypnotoad is currently working in an Odessa, Texas robot psychiatric hospital as a consulting hypnotist and chief surgeon (via hypnosis). Hypnotoad is also available for children's parties and professional conferences.